Author's Note: This is what should have happened in that final scene on the balcony.
DISCLAIMER: Love Ďem, but donít own them. This is a parody of the final CG in the game. Just something thatís been on my computer for awhile. Some language, but not too bad. Silly really. I was trying to make a quick parody that was funny while simultaneously capturing all the things that had been said about Rinoa, why Squall hates her, why heís gay, and why he should be with Seifer, over the years.
By Miss Dincht
What the Fuck am I smiling about?
This isnít how itís supposed to end is it?
I mean, this isnít what I just killed a whacked Ė out, future Sorceress for? Is this my reward, a lame Ė ass party, a few bad home videos, and a "date" with a badly dressed idiot on a balcony?
What the fuck was I thinking?
What the fuck is she wearing?
I mean, how could I have thought that there was anything more than a passing infatuation with The Blue Angel? Am I that pathetic? Did I just want her because Seifer had her, because I wanted to be a Knight like Seifer?
My cock gets hard just thinking about him. Hyne, Iíd just love to feel his hands on me right about now. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Such long fingersÖand that cockÖ. What? Yeah, I've seen it before. In the Boys' shower.
Hyne. Is that what Iíve been running from?
Aw, fuck. Why did this have to come out now? Hell, why didnít this come out earlier, like at the SeeD ball? Then maybe I wouldnít have had to go through all this bullshit. That dance totally sucked!!!
I guess this is what happens when you spend years suppressing your true feelings and acting like a complete asshole. I mean everybody knows I like boys. Iím even willing to admit it now. Look at what Iím wearing for Hyneís sake. Look at my hair. I even wear lip Ė gloss. Not that a big, fat, long dick is all itís about mind you. I mean, I just like boys. I like everything about them. I just canít explain it.
Hell, let me be honest, it really isnít about that at all because there are plenty of girls I could get on with, but Rinoa is definitely not one of those girls.
What a dumb bitch, and, Hyne save me, Iím stuck up here with her.
As if on cue my whole future flashes right before my eyes.
A small house in Winhill. Rinoa wearing two outfits. A t Ė shirt and a pair of Bermuda shorts pulled over a red ball gown. Sheís yelling at me while our twelve kids Ė one of them looking suspiciously like Zell Dincht Ė trash the house. Me? Bald Ė headed, all my lovely locks gone, and wearing a Galbadian uniform and sitting in a chair wondering what went wrong.
O, hell no.
No Thank You.
Uh Uhn. Not me.
Iím not against breeding and the nuclear family, but some people just shouldnít breed.
Make a wish?
Rinoa, you can take that finger and kindly shove it up your ass.
Iím out of here.
Shit, is there still time? Will he still be there?
Yeah, heíll be there. Itís never too late, is it Seifer?
I forgive you, and I hope youíll forgive me.
Huh? What am I doing?
Sorry, Rinoa, I just donít love you. Youíre an idiot, youíre fashion sense is atrocious, and Iím just not attracted to you. Sexually, emotionally, or otherwise. Never was really. Plus your perfume stinks, and that hair Ė color was so ten years ago. My true calling is waiting back at the pier with his fishing rod.
My Romantic Dream.
Where am I going?
Iíll send you a postcard when I get there.
"Hang on Seifer! Iím coming, Baby!!!"
Half the SeeDs in the Ballroom came running when they heard the shrill scream that rose from the balcony. The bewildered group arrived in time to see their Commander, Squall Lionheart, jumping over the edge of the balcony and into the serene blue waters below.
"Woooooooooooohooooooooooo!!!" Selphie screeched. She screamed with glee and grabbed her camcorder from another student.
"Shit, was that Squall that just jumped over the balcony?" Zell asked.
Quistis smiled smugly. "Of course it was. You didnít think he was going to be able to put up with this lame, romantic crap forever did you?" she said.
Zell looked at Rinoa and nodded emphatically. "I guess youíre right." He said.
"Should we go after him?" Irvine asked.
Quistis shook her head. "Heíll be alright. I think sheís the one we have to worry about." She said as she looked at Rinoa.
Rinoa had since passed out, and she now lay sprawled out on the balcony floor.
"So which one of you is going to save her?" Quistis asked.
The other Seeds and students moved as one to get back inside of the ballroom. After much struggling and cursing the mob managed to squeeze back inside. Quistis smirked and folded her arms over her chest. She then looked down at Rinoa and cackled loudly. Then she looked out over the ocean. If she squinted she thought she could make out of bit of red and white.
"Good Luck Squall." She said as she sauntered back into the ballroom.
And Rinoa never recovered.
And no one really cared.
And Squall and Seifer did get together. And they stayed together.
And they got a house in Winhill (the mansion on the hill), made love at least three times a week, entertained their family and friends at least twice a month, and opened their home to 10 beautiful children from many different races and nationalities. And they were both very happy.
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