Part One

By J. Marie

Warning!! This a lemon yaoi fanfiction starring Seifer Almasy and Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII. It is rated NC-17. Now, you ask, exactly how many damn yaoi stories about Seifer and Squall can this girl write? The answer is, I don't know. My muse hasn't gotten bored yet. In fact, she tears me away from my novel to write these things. I guess I love them too much to quit just yet. I feel that there is not enough Seifer and Squall yaoi out there, and I need to contribute more. So, if you're as dedicated as I am to them, you'll understand. Anyways, this story is set about three years after Ultimecia's defeat at the end of the game, and is told from Squall's point of view. It has nothing to do with my other FF8 yaoi fanfiction.

I dropped my bag on the ground in front of Matron's house, so I could light my cigarette. I took a few drags and stared at the cottage for a while, trying to decide if I wanted to leave, or go in.

"You know, Squall, if you keep smoking those things, you're going to kill yourself."

I turned around to see Quistis Trepe, hand on hip, wearing a nice little blue sundress, that showed off her ample bosom and shapely legs. She was wearing sunglasses, so I couldn't see her eyes, but her red lips were curved into a smile. I nodded to her in greeting.

"How long has it been, Squall? Two years?" she asked me. She looked different from when I last saw her. More grown up, maybe. More confident in herself.

"And three months. How you like being Headmaster of Galbadia?" I asked her.

"It sucks. Way too much work for way too little pay. And how's Balamb treating you as Headmaster?" she asked me, brushing back some loose strands of golden blonde hair. She was drop dead gorgeous as always, and I wondered again why I never saw anything in her. I mean the woman was so beautiful she had groupies.

"Same old, same old. I took up cigarettes to end my life early, thusly ending my misery as Headmaster," I sighed, taking another drag.

"Figures. I heard you broke up with Rinoa last year. I was too busy to call... So what happened, if I may be so bold?" she asked me.

I winced outwardly. Why did everyone have to fucking know why me and Rinoa broke up? Why is my business everyone else's? Why can't everyone just leave me the fuck alone? "Other way around. She broke up with me. Said I was a cold bastard and said she was tired of waiting for me to ask her to marry me. Said she can't deal with an antisocial boyfriend," I sighed, wondering why I was telling Quistis all that. Then I realized it was because ever since Elle left, Quistis had turned into my big sister.

Quistis began to snicker, her true blue eyes twinkling in mirth behind her sunglasses. I was downright annoyed, and gave her my sourest scowl. "What the fuck is so goddam funny, Trepe?" I snarled. Rinoa was touchy subject.

"It's too funny," she said between laughs. "I mean, was Rinoa blind or stupid? Didn't she get that you were not exactly Prince Charming? I mean, you kinda made it obvious to her when you first met."

I sighed and looked away, taking another drag. ".........." was all I had to say to her about that.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to make fun. She probably thought she could change you," Quistis said, forcing herself to stop laughing.

"Yeah, well, Rinoa was many things, but smart wasn't one of them. She thought wrong," I said, pulling my sunglasses off and cleaning them.

"And you? Why fall in love with a girl who was so completely different from you, she's like from a different planet?" Quistis probed. I hated it when she tried to dissect my motivations.

"I don't know. It felt right at the time. Part of the magic of our adventure I suppose. Either that or she cast a spell on me. I don't know," I sighed.

"I'd go for the latter. You seemed completely bored with her until after she received the Matron's sorceress powers after the fight in Galbadia Garden," Quistis smirked. Sometimes I wondered if she and Seifer were related. When she smirked, their similarities were almost scary.

"S'funny. I was, too," I sighed, proffering a reluctant smile.

"What's with the goth look? Are we tring to get a starring role in the sequel to Interview with a Vampire?" Quistis asked, falling back to her mothering role.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Just kind of fell into the scene. I kinda like the way it looks on me," I said, starting to hope someone would show up and save me from this conversation.

"You're depressed again, aren't you? Why don't you go get on some medication, Squall? Why don't you go see someone?" Quistis sighed, sounding annoyed with me.

"It doesn't help, Quistis. Just let me be," I sighed, putting my sunglasses back on, and puffing the last of my cigarette. "C'mon. We gotta go inside and say hi to Matron."

"Excuses, excuses. What did I tell you? You keep shit bottled up, and you're going to turn into a zombie," she sighed, hefting her suitcases and trundling off the door.

We both reached the porch before Matron opened the door. She grinned wide at both of us, holding her arms out. We both hugged her at the same time, almost vying for space. Matron hugged as back. It felt nice to be with Matron again.

"I'm so happy to see you two! I'm so glad you could make it! What do you think of my renovations?" Matron asked, her beautiful face set in a motherly smile.

Both Quistis and I looked around the stone cottage. It had been fixed back up to it's former glory. "It looks great, Matron!" Quistis grinned. I nodded my approval.

"I wanted this old place fixed up before I had this little 'family' reunion. I thought you children might appreciate it. You brought enough for a week?" Matron asked, checking us both.

"Of course, Matron. And you know Squall's prepared. He brought his gunblade, he's so prepared," Quistis laughed.

"That sounds like my Squall," Matron chuckled, tousling my hair. I smoothed it in irritation, giving both women the evil eye.

"Yeah, that does sound like Leonhart. And knowing him, he probably even has his friggin' suitcase all organized and neat and shit. I bet his shirts are rolled up, and even his underwear is folded nice and pretty. Wouldn't be surprised if he irons his knickers before he puts them on."

We all turned to the sound of the gravelly baritone that was speaking. And there he stood. Seifer Almasy. My childhood rival.

I hadn't seen him almost three years. I'd heard he'd made SeeD in Galbadia Garden, but never went there to confirm it. He looked as he always did, as impeccable as stone. He wore his trenchcoat, but under it he had on a red vest, and black pants, with a silver belt. He wore reflective sunglasses, and his usual self-righteous smirk. His golden hair was cut as short as ever, except for that one unruly lock. He looked as healthy as a horse, and you could tell he hadn't let his physique slip, even under all his clothes.

I said nothing to him, but Quistis, who obviously had seen him lately, ran over to him and gave him a hug. "Seifer! You came!! I'm so happy!" she squealed. He returned her hug, which caused me to frown. Since when did they get so affectionate?

"Yeah, well, don't get too excited, Trepe. I came for Matron," Seifer said casually, in his usual confident tone. Matron dimpled and ran over to give him a hug. She whispered something in his ear that I couldn't hear, and pulled back, pleased that he came. I guess I was the only one here that wasn't happy to see him.

Seifer kissed Matron on the cheek, and headed over to me. He stopped right in front of me, leaning his 6'2" frame over my mere 5'8". He always enjoyed towering over me. He picked up my Griever pendant with his finger idly, looking me up and down.

"What's with the goth boy look, Squall? Trying to cover up what a pretty boy you are?" he smirked, pulling off my sunglasses. I tried to grab them back, but he dangled them out of my reach.

"Give my sunglasses back, Almasy," I said threateningly, knowing he wouldn't listen.

"What, no hug for your long lost childhood rival?" he snickered, still holding my glasses.

"Seifer...." I growled, balling up my fist.

"I really like the whole goth thing on you, Squall. Black leather pants. Tight black shirt that rides up your little tummy. Black combat boots. Pale skin, dark hair. Are you wearing black eyeliner, or is that me? Love the black lipstick. Eyebrow ring. Belly button ring. Several earrings. And was that a tongue ring I saw flash in your mouth?" he asked, folding up my sunglasses and putting them in his breast pocket.

"Don't see as how it's any of your business," I snarled. True, since Rinoa left me, I'd gotten into the whole goth scene, but why did he have to be such a jerk about things?

"And you're definitely wearing mascara. At least you didn't dye your hair black. And at least you cut it the same, but a little shorter than before. You'd be kinda freaky with one of those mohawk things. I didn't think it was possible, Squall, but you went and made yourself look like even more of a faggot than you did before," he snickered.

I literally growled. "Why do you always gotta be an asshole, Seifer? Do I have to kick your teeth in before you'll just leave me the fuck alone?" I said, raising my fists, as he raised his. How he adored calling me a faggot, or a homo, or gay. Ever since we were thirteen. It made me so fucking mad.

"Aw, Jesus. Will you two stop it with the testosterone already? I could settle this problem real easy-like if both of you just unzip yourselves, and bring out your dicks," Quistis said in a no-nonsense voice. I glanced over at her and she had her hands on her hips, and her foot was tapping. Matron looked upset.

"Why, so you can take turns sucking us off?" Seifer asked Quistis coolly, not taking his eyes off me, or lowering his fists.

"No, so I can measure both of you, and settle all your issues by finding out who really has the bigger dick," Quistis said, her voice dripping with sarcasm

We both sighed and lowered our fists, realizing that Quistis was not going to let us fight. And we both seemed to mutually agree that this was something that Matron didn't need to see. "Later, Leonhart," Seifer warned.

"Give him back his sunglasses, Seifer. And don't drop them and then step on them or anything immature like that. Just give them back," Quistis commanded, looking like she meant business.

Seifer sighed. "You are such a bitch, Trepe," he grumped, throwing my sunglasses back at me.

"And where do you get off calling Squall, of all people, a faggot? We both know damn well that you-" Quistis started before Seifer cut her off.

"Just leave it alone, Trepe. I came, but I ain't promising to play nice. And 'sides, it pissed him off. That's what matters," Seifer smirked.

Matron spoke again. "I really wish you two would learn to get along. You're both adults now.... But let's put this unhappiness behind us and go inside. The other children are waiting," she sighed.

"You ain't gonna send us to the corner or nothing?" Seifer quipped as she came back up on the porch.

"Don't tempt me, Seifer. I'd let Quistis thrash you with her whip, but you'd probably enjoy it," Matron sighed.

"Oh please, Quisty!! Spank me!!" he cried, proffering his behind to Quistis. She slapped him on his ass, and walked in the cottage, snickering. Matron sighed again, but she was smiling. I found myself grinding my teeth.

I felt jealous all of a sudden, and can't explain why. I guess it makes sense, being as how Seifer worked for Quistis now, that they had grown close. But it bothered me that they had. Were they lovers now? Was he sleeping with Quistis? If so, how serious were they? Did they love each other? Was it just sex, or something more? I wondered why I cared. I'd never felt anything for Quistis before today. She was my big sister in every way that counted. But now the thought of her with Seifer really pissed me off.

"Ladies first," Seifer grinned at me, bowing deeply and opening the door for me. Matron clapped a hand to her forehead.

"Fuck you, Seifer," I sighed, stomping in the cottage past him.

"Only if you promise to share your fashion tips with me," he laughed. "Who did your make-up anyways? Elvira, Mistress of the Dark?"

"Nah. I think it was Lily Munster," Quistis giggled when we entered the main room.

"Jesus H. Christ! Squall!! What happened?? Were you attacked by a horde of vampires? Is it safe for you to be out in the daylight?" Selphie cried upon seeing me. She and Irvine had gone to Trabia Garden to help rebuild, and Selphie had been made the new Headmaster last year. She goggled at me from Irvine's lap. Irvine, for his part, didn't seem to notice anything different about me.

I ground my teeth again. Why did everyone get so worked up about my goth look? I happened to like the goth scene. The music was great. I thought the look was cool. It was comforting. And everybody else was as fucked up as I was. "........" was all I said to her.

"Hey, why is everyone giving Squall grief about his new look? I mean, it's not like he had a lot of color in his wardrobe to start with," Zell offered, with a cheerful grin.

"Zell, don't help," I sighed.

"Alright. But since we're on the subject, I do think the make-up is a little much. But that's just my opinion," Zell shrugged. He wasn't as stupid as he acted. I think he just enjoyed being a jerk.

"Opinions are like assholes, Zell. Everyone has one, and they all stink," I scowled.

"Well, maybe your asshole stinks, Squall, but I wipe thoroughly after I'm done taking a dump. And I wash pretty thoroughly down there, too. So I'm pretty sure mine don't stink," Zell grinned back at me. He was such a little shit.

"Whatever," I sighed, plopping down on the couch.

"Hey, Seifer, does your asshole, stink? I mean, since you're the biggest asshole out of all of us, I figure we should go by you, of course," Zell grinned.

Seifer glanced up at Zell with a smirk. "I dunno, chicken wuss. I don't make it a habit to smell my own ass," Seifer shrugged.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME????" Zell screamed, purpling in anger.

"Gentlemen! I invited all of you here to spend some quality time together, and with me! Not to fight and squabble!! Stop it, please!" Matron cried, fed up with our bullshit. We all went silent, looking chagrined.

"Now, I've remodeled the inside of the cottage, and made three bedrooms, along with my master bedroom. I would have made more, but this old house is only so big. That means you're going to have to share," Matron said with a shake of her head.

We all kind of looked at each other. Selphie and Irvine, who I guess are some sort of couple, were obviously going to share, so that left me, Quistis, Seifer, and Zell.

"Please tell me it has more than one bed," Quistis said in a tired voice.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't fit but one bed in there. On the bright side, it's a full-size bed," Matron grinned, looking a little sheepish.

"Well, since I can't see Seifer and Squall sharing a bed, or Seifer and Zell, I guess I'll share with Seifer. And I know he won't grope me in the middle of the night, so that's a plus," Quistis grinned. Her comment confused me, but I shrugged it off as part of their new relationship. I felt jealous again, especially at the thought of Seifer sleeping in the same bed as Quistis.

"Why can't we share a bed?" Zell complained, obviously not thrilled about having to sleep with me. "C'mon, I'm cuter than Seifer!"

Quistis giggled. "Sorry, Zell. I like my men a little taller. I mean, for certain activities, you're just the right height, but how cool do you think we'll look together when I can't even ride a roller coaster with you, because you're too short to meet the height requirement?" she asked, causing snickers around the rooms.

"Aw, fuck you! A girl gets one inch on me, and she acts like she's a fucking Amazon!" Zell whined, crossing his arms and sticking his tongue out at Quistis.

"Never stick your tongue out at me, unless you intend to use it," Quistis grinned, enjoying herself immensely. It was funny but her flirting with Zell didn't bother me. Just her flirting with Seifer. Why was I jealous all of a sudden? Did I actually like Quistis sexually, and was only just discovering it?

"Children! I understand you're all young adults exploring your sexuality, but could you explore it elsewhere?" Matron asked, blushing furiously.

"Exploring? We've already gotten past the exploring part, Matron. We're on a full-blown sexual journey in search of the one great and true orgasm," Seifer grinned.

"And we do mean, 'full-blown'," Irvine grinned lecherously, pinching Selphie's rear end.

"Yeah, I mean, look at Irvine. This guy's been exploring his sexuality since he was twelve. He's even figured out how to suck his own dick. It's hard to get him to leave home now," Selphie said with a wicked grin.

I thought Matron was going to pass out from embarrassment. "Um, right. Well, why don't you all settle in, and I'll start on lunch. I put some picnic tables in the back, so meet me out there," Matron said, changing the subject rather quickly and running off for the kitchen.

"Alright, children. I'll see you in an hour or so. Me and Quistis are going to go break in our bed," Seifer grinned, picking a squealing Quistis up and throwing her over his shoulder.

"He means a few minutes! It doesn't take him that long," Quistis laughed, squirming in Seifer's grip, as he took them to their room.

I was almost positive my eyes turned green.

"Hey, Squall! Help me with my stuff, will ya?" Zell asked, dumping a huge suitcase in front of me. It was lumpy and misshapen, and bits of clothing stuck out of it. It had Zell's name written all over it, and it gave me the impression of him stuffing his entire wardrobe into this one suitcase. I bent over to pick it up, and almost threw my back out.

"Christ in a bucket, Dincht! What the fuck do you have in here? The Hammer Brothers?" I asked him sourly.

"Stop whining and come on," Zell sighed, and picked up a small duffel bag and bounding off to our room. I managed to drag his suitcase along behind me and followed.

The room was bright and cheery, with a big window with white lace curtains. The bed was a nice full-size, with soft linen sheets, and two nightstands. I hated it almost instantly.

"This isn't so bad! Just as long as you don't try and feel me up while we sleep!" Zell grinned, dumping his bag on the bed and beginning to unpack, uncovering a closet for us to share.

"As I recall, Zell, it's you who likes to grab onto people. I mean, I save you from the desert prison, and next thing I know, you're nuzzling my crotch. There's gratitude, and then there's gratitude. I had to beat you off with my gunblade," I retorted.

"I was happy to see you!" Zell defended.

"Yeah, well, there's happy to see me, and then there's happy to see me," I sighed, unpacking my stuff.

Zell ran out of retorts, so he stuck out his tongue at me. I ignored him and put up the last of my stuff. And just for the record, I do not iron my underwear. But I do fold them.

I found myself dwelling on Seifer and Quistis. I could hear them laughing through the walls, but not much else. How long had they been together? They acted like a couple. Did they talk about marriage and babies, like Rinoa used to talk about? How close were they? Why was I letting this get to me?

"Hey! Earth calling to Space Cadet Squall!! We've been back from the moon for three years!! Focus on reality, bub!" Zell was saying into my ear. I backhanded him, getting him out of my personal space.

"What the fuck do you want, Zell?" I growled.

"I was asking which side you wanted," Zell whined, holding his cheek where I slapped him and giving me his pouty face.

"Left side is fine," I sighed.

"Oh, and make sure you wipe that goth gook off your face before going to sleep. I don't want black lipstick on my pillows," Zell said with superiority.

"Zell, I wash it off before going to sleep. Now shut the fuck up, or I'm going to seduce Quistis, and you'll wind up sharing with Seifer," I threatened. He looked properly worried, and shut up.

We headed outside the cottage, finding the picnic tables Matron had told us to go to. Seifer and Quistis were sitting together and laughing. The feeling in the pit of my stomach wouldn't go away. I tried to identify it, and realized it was the same feeling I had when I found out Rinoa was Seifer's ex-girlfriend. Was I just jealous because Seifer had a girlfriend again and I didn't, or did I truly like Quistis?

I sat down at another table, folding my hands and studying the pair. Seifer had her in an arm lock and was trying to pry something out of her hand. I blinked, wondering what she had.

"Look, everyone!! Trojan condoms!! Ribbed!! Ultra thin, for maximum pleasure!!" Quistis screamed, laughing as Seifer tried to desperately get it out of her hand. Selphie and Irvine, who were walking in, looked thoroughly confused. Zell was laughing.

"Seifer brought condoms!!!! Seifer brought condoms!!!" Quistis screamed, laughing some more. Somehow, the thought that Seifer was intending on being sexually active while he was here made me want to spit. Maybe they hadn't started dating yet, but were getting close to it. And Seifer had enough forethought to prepare for when he finally bagged Quistis.

"Give 'em back, Trepe!!!" Seifer laughed, finally able to wrestle them away from her, and slipping them in his pocket. Quistis was still giggling.

"Boy, you're confident, Seifer," Irvine said. "Even I didn't bring condoms."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to get Quistis pregnant," Seifer grinned, grabbing Quistis like he was going to kiss her. I was feeling decidedly unhappy. I was wracking up jealously points like a kid playing a videogame.

Quistis squirmed from his arms. "Eeewwwww!!! Cooties!!!!" she cried. Seifer leaped from his seat and began to chase her, both of them laughing. I turned my face from them, staring over at the beach. Even if I did love Quistis, it was obviously too late to confess my feelings. She obviously was attracted to Seifer. And why shouldn't she be? He was incredibly handsome, tall, strong, and self-confident. Everything a girl could want in a man.

Matron came out with plates full of hamburgers and hotdogs. Quistis and Seifer returned to their table at the smell of food. But within seconds, Zell mobbed Matron, walking away with a plate full of hotdogs. He began shoving them in his mouth before he even sat down.

"Aw, Christ. I hope we don't have to give him the Heimlich maneuver again," Quistis muttered, helping herself to a hamburger.

We all got our food, but most of the hotdogs were gone, being chowed down by Zell. Seifer gaped at the little blonde, a smirk on his perfect face. "Aw, Zell baby. Slurp those edible phallic symbols up!! You are making me so hot!!" Seifer grinned, rubbing himself to get his point across.

Zell paused long enough to moon Seifer, before returning to his meal. Everyone was laughing but me. Seifer rubbed his crotch again, his grin full of tease. "Oh god, baby, I wanna shove my hotdog up there! It's a footlong too!" Seifer laughed. Zell rolled his eyes and gave Seifer the arm before continuing. Everyone else seemed to think the joke was hilarious. I slowly munched on my hamburger.

I couldn't believe myself. I was jealous again. But why? Seifer was only teasing with Zell. And with Zell, not Quistis! What, did I like Zell now? Why can't I even understand my own emotions? Since when did I like Zell? Why would I like Zell? I'm not gay! At least I don't think I'm gay.

The meal went quiet for a moment while everyone ate, and then Seifer and Quistis began to talk again. The damn feeling of jealousy just wouldn't go away. I tried to pinpoint it, but it wouldn't allow itself to be examined. Why was I always jealous about both Quistis and Zell. It didn't make sense. I had no sexual attraction to either before, and now all of a sudden I was dwelling on their relationships with Seifer. It didn't make any sense.

"Alright, children! You can go play on the beach if you like, and I'm going to get the fireworks ready. You have my permisson this time, so you don't have to worry about Zell tattletaling," Matron grinned. Everyone began to laugh at Zell, nudging him in the ribs.

We all headed inside, and changed into our suits. I wondered again about my sudden jealousy over Zell, and snuck a peek of him changing into his suit, trying to see if it did anything for me. He had a great body, wiry and well-muscled. He was adorable, like an overgrown little boy. Yet, I felt nothing. The jealousy I felt earlier seemed to dissipate.

I put on a pair of black swimming trunks, and wiped my make-up off. Wouldn't do for my mascara to run in the water. I studied my reflection for a moment, without all the make-up I had been wearing almost constantly the past year. My skin had gotten really pale, since I never went out. I wondered how long it had been since I went out in public without my make-up. I felt naked. My make-up was almost a sort of mask I could use to cover up my true self from people. I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and headed outside to the beach.

Almost as soon as I stepped out into the beach, I was hit with a few bottles of suntan lotion. "Put it on, Squall!! You're going to burn to a crisp with skin that white!" Quistis ordered.

"Yes, mommy," I muttered, smoothing the lotion on my skin.

"I told you it wasn't safe for him to be out in the daylight!" Selphie quipped, causing everyone to start laughing at me. I almost left, but settled for bouncing the suntan lotion off the back of her head.

"Hey! Squall, you bastard!" Selphie cried, throwing it back at me, but missing horribly. I gave her my most vicious smile and waded out into the water, staring off in the distance. Despite all the people around me, I felt lonely. Then again, I always felt lonely. Even back when I was with Rinoa.

Everyone else was content to play in the surf, enjoying our little vacation. Matron had wanted all of us to come visit her for a week, a sort of family reunion. We had all gone our separate ways after destroying Ultimecia. We all had our separate lives. Now, here we were, all together. I found myself watching everyone else play, and noted that I was as jealous as ever of Quistis and Seifer's play. I didn't understand it, so I just left it alone.

After an hour or so, right at dusk, Matron, along with her husband Cid, who had shown up while we off playing, came out with fireworks and more food. We ran over, pleased to see steak dinners, complete with baked potatoes, and enough sour cream to feed four of Quistis, who was already piling enough sour cream on her potato to cover a whole bag of potatoes. We began to eat, and after dinner, we set off the fireworks, awed into silence by the brilliant display of light. Even in our twenties, we still loved to see fireworks. I wished Elle could have been here with us, but she was off in Esthar, with my father, the one, true, and original overgrown child.

Matron put on some music; annoying pop dance music that she thought everyone would like. Everyone seemed okay with it except for me. I guess she noticed my sour expression, because she soon changed it to techno, which we could all live with. Irvine and Selphie started dancing, and Seifer and Zell took turns dancing with Quistis. I sat off by the edge of the water, thinking. The jealousy hadn't gone away yet, and it was driving me crazy. I wanted to go rip Quistis away from Seifer.

I decided to get up, and headed over to where everyone was dancing. I stepped in between Seifer and Zell, nodding to Quistis. "Want to dance?" I asked. She grinned and grabbed me, and we began to move to the pumping rhythm. I'm not much of a dancer, but anyone can dance to techno. Even me.

The jealousy had ebbed off, but now I felt nothing. If I loved Quistis, or even liked her, shouldn't I be happy to be dancing with her? Shouldn't I feel something? This was getting as empty as my relationship with Rinoa after the whole Ultimecia thing. I didn't understand what I was feeling, or why I was feeling it. After the song I moved off, and Seifer stepped up to dance with Quistis again, giving me an odd look before he did.

The jealousy returned.

Then I realized it was connected to Seifer.

But why?

Was it because I didn't want him to be happy at all? To have anyone? Or was there another reason that my own psyche was hiding from me? I pondered this line of thought well into the night, even after Matron and Cid retired for the evening. I hated not understanding myself. It drove me nuts. Was I so petty that I wanted Seifer to be as miserable as I was? Was that it?

Eventually, everyone tired out, and headed off in their own directions. Irvine and Selphie to their room, who were practically already undressing each other. Gee, guess what they're gonna do? Zell bounded off to our room, and Seifer and Quistis, arm in arm, headed off to theirs. The jealousy got worse when I realized that Seifer and Quistis were going to be together in the same bed in about five minutes.

I couldn't stand it, so I followed after a few minutes, creeping around inside the quiet cottage. The sounds of Irvine and Selphie going at it was about all I heard. I crept over to Seifer and Quistis' door, and peeked in the keyhole, realizing I was getting pretty pathetic. I watched Quistis throw on a nightgown, not hiding her body from Seifer. Seeing her naked, despite her beauty, did nothing for me. Seifer took off his swimming trunks and put on a pair of boxers, hopping into the bed. The sight of him naked sent a surprising jolt of heat to my groin.

The hell?

It was only a glance, but I realized I had an erection. Both Seifer and Quistis got in bed, but made no move to embrace the other, or remove clothing. Why not? They were two extremely attractive young people, obviously compatible, single, and of consenting age.

"Is it just me, or has Squall turned into a zombie?" Seifer said all of sudden.

"It's not just you. I haven't really been visiting with him much, but Zell says that when Rinoa left him, he just got as bad as ever, if not worse. He looks so depressed. He barely ate, even with all the food. And now he's into this whole goth thing... I don't know. He never talks to anyone," Quistis sighed, rolling over to face Seifer.

"I know. I kinda like the goth thing, though. Not something for me, but it suits him. But he didn't join in on anything today. I was surprised when he danced with you, but he looked like he was trying to analyze it to death," Seifer said, his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. I realized from my view from the keyhole that he had huge feet.

"Yeah. It did. He didn't even look like he was enjoying it. In fact he looked annoyed and irritated. But then again, he always does. Am I that horrible?" Quistis giggled.

"Aw, ya know I love ya, Quisty," Seifer chuckled, tousling her hair. It looked so brotherly, but then again, their relationship might have progressed to an emotional state, past all the sex.

"Hmph. Some booster to my ego. But maybe all Squall needs is a good lay," Quistis shrugged, chuckling.

"Yeah. He's just screaming for a good ass-fucking," Seifer laughed.

"Maybe he'll get lucky with Zell in his bed. Zell always did seem to have a thing for Squall," Quistis giggled, rolling back over to her side.

"Hmph. Yeah. But Zell would be the one wanting to get ass-fucked. Wouldn't work," Seifer remarked sourly, his tone of voice odd and flat.

"Awww... Don't be jealous Seifer...." Quistis said with a sisterly tone to her voice.

"Jealous!" Seifer exclaimed, jumping up to tickle Quistis. They collapsed into fits of giggles as he tickled her. I withdrew then, not really wanting to see them go at it.

I stood up, sighing at my boner. That entire conversation was confusing. The fact that seeing a glimpse of Seifer naked had given me a hard-on was even more confusing. I wondered what the hell was going on in my heart, and wish it would confer with my head soon.

I fell asleep thinking of Seifer.

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