Privileged
YAOI. (SLIGHTLY) DISTURBING CONTENT. Perhaps you should go away, if this squicks you. You have been warned.
Written for drabbleme's 759 word, "if we all had hearts, there'd be no salvation" challenge.
Privileged
I’ll let you in on a little secret. If we all had hearts, there’d be no salvation.
Nothing to say to that? Surprising. You’re usually so mouthy. The gag might have something to do with it. A silence spell would serve the same purpose but it’s nowhere near as titillating. The sounds people make when they’re gagged... whimpers, screams. I’ve heard them all, but that doesn’t make them any less thrilling.
See, that little noise was a whine. Am I right? Sure. You want me to let you go. You want me to stop, stop before it’s too late.
It was too late a long time ago. That salvation thing? Not for me. I’m beyond salvation. Beyond redemption, beyond atonement, beyond deliverance, beyond whatever the hell you want to call it. Damnation is mine. Condemnation is mine. And I don’t care. I’ve no heart. Not anymore. Don’t want it back either. She offered it to me, once. Said she could give it back. She did. And you know what? I begged her to take it. Just gave it back to her, gave it to her like it was nothing. I couldn’t get rid of it fast enough. You see, they were all screaming in my head. Screaming at the top of their lungs. All the ones I’d tortured, raped, killed.
This is my salvation? The pain, the anguish, the nightmares? This is my salvation? This is what happens when I’m saved? Screw it. Salvation? Where every mistake you ever made is thrown at you again and again, and you’re just supposed to accept it. Accept that they’ll haunt you for the rest of your life. Bullshit. I don’t what that is, but it’s not salvation.
This is salvation. This moment right here. I watch your chest move up and down, hear the air coming out of your mouth and nose. I can feel it if I put my hand in front of your face. I can know you, in this moment. I can feel your skin under my hands and taste of it all I want. I know that the sweat dripping down your face is salty, and when I taste it the cut on my lip will burn. I can see you. See you like I never have. You lie here naked and bleeding. The very core of what you are is here. You know this is your last fight, Zell. You know it. I can see that in your eyes. The devil is bringing you down, right here, right now. Do you want to go down fighting or dancing? Will he take you kicking and screaming, or will you willingly go on the ride of your life? I could make it beautiful.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not waiting for your permission. No, I'm fucking that tight little ass whether you want me to or not. But you could enjoy it. I could let you enjoy it. We could even do it face to face, like it meant something. It could have meant something, a long time ago. But that’s the past. There’s no point in dwelling on the past when the present is looking so damn appealing.
You’re giving up, I see. But are you giving up or giving in? Kiss me back, Zell. Yes, like that. You taste the blood in your mouth, but is it mine or is it yours? Doesn’t matter, right? You can even forget it’s there, if you want. It’s not so important. Pay more attention to my tongue moving over yours, my hands sliding down your body, caressing and pinching and scratching and grabbing. The cut on your stomach still bleeds sluggishly, and when I bend down to lick it you scream. And ohh, but you would like to think that it’s from pain. It isn’t. We both know that. You SeeDs – you’re so used to pain you barely even feel it anymore! But you can feel my tongue sliding around rosy red flesh. You can watch as I leave faintly red smears all over your body.
You’re thrashing around now, pulling furiously on the manacles that hold you down. Not because you want to hurt me, like before. Oh no. Nothing like that. You want to run your hands down me, touch me the way I’m touching you. You feel pleasure, and you want more. Sorry. Can’t unchain you. I didn’t do that to anyone else.
Still. Consider yourself privileged. You’re one up on the rest of them. When this is all over, I’ll still remember your name.