By Alexis Logain
Okay, so maybe I didn't tell him how I felt in the best way possible. Maybe yelling it at him in the cafeteria while we were in the middle of a fight didn't go over as well as I had hoped, but it's not like I had intended to shout that I loved him in front of the entire student body while I had my gunblade pressed to his throat. And sweet Hyne, he was the only person who was surprised. I think that may have pissed him off more than if the entire room had halted and stared as if we started fucking right then and there. There had been a brief pause, while the room waited for him to react, then Zell muttered loudly that it was 'About damned time.' His reaction was to blink, stare, blink again, then ask if I had hit my fucking head on the floor. That's when I punched him. Jeez - it's not every day I tell someone I love them and to have the one man I love more than air itself laugh in my face kinda pushed me over the deep end. Besides, it's not like I killed him or anything. Just nearly broke his jaw.
I could feel my anger radiate over me like a dark cloud and even if someone hadn't seen the whole interaction, my demeanor was enough to make sure that they got the hell out of my way as I made my way through the Garden. I didn't know where to go, what to do, how to react, nothing. I didn't know anything at that point. 'Work it off' my mind kept telling me, so I did. I went to the Training Center and sufficiently depleted the monster population before stalking to my dorm, reeking of Grat and T-Rexaur blood. And he was there, waiting for me. Still in a foul mood, I merely glared at him, at his apologetic look and slouch, and jabbed my code into the door panel.
"I'm sorry," he said simply.
"Fuck. Off," I replied, entering my dorm and throwing my gunblade down onto the small table. Expecting to be alone, I began stripping off my blood-stained clothing, kicking off my combat boots. I was nearly naked and still simmering when I felt a cold, wet cloth press itself against my back where I knew a large gash was welling up. Knowing then that he had followed in, tension flooded back into my body and I glared darkly at the wall across the room. "What the fuck are you doing?" I demanded.
"You're bleeding," he told me.
"Duh. I repeat, what the fuck are you doing?"
"I don't need your help and I don't need you. Go away," I hissed. The cloth merely continued to wipe gently at my back.
"Yes you do," he replied. Anger bubbled out of me, frustration taking root in my body, and tension threatened to snap my muscles in half.
"You don't know what I do and don't need, so fuck off." He was silent for a moment but I knew he had no intention of leaving me alone. Not now. Not after everything we had gone through over the last year.
"How long?" he asked quietly.
"How long what? My hair, my training session, my dick? What?" I growled. He sighed, his breath tickling against my skin. That was when I knew he was standing close to my body.
"How long have you been in love with me?" My eyes closed as I tried to tell myself that his voice wasn't tender, wasn't caring, but was cautious and careful. Feelings have never been his territory.
"I don't know. It's not like I woke up one day and was just in love with you. It just sorta happened…took a while for me to figure it out."
"When did you?"
"I kinda figured it out when I was fucking Rinoa," I said bluntly. "I was in the middle of fucking her brains out and was too busy imagining it was you that I didn't really realize I screamed your name when I came instead of hers. Thank Hyne she was too far gone to realize it too. Either that or too dense…which is another possibility."
"Man of little words today, eh?" I spat.
"You're a man of many words today. I figured I may as well balance it out," he replied calmly. "Turn around."
"Just do it, dammit," he murmured softly. I turned and met his gaze before he lowered his head and began dabbing at the scratches on my stomach and chest.
"You know, with all this touching you're doing, someone might think that you're trying to turn me on," I grumbled. He deliberately stopped, raised his head, and looked me in the eyes.
"And what if I am?" he asked, his voice low and husky. I blinked. "I've been doing a lot of thinking."
"Big surprise," I rolled my eyes.
"I had begun to think that I'd be frustrated forever." I frowned, wondering what the hell he was talking about.
"You seem to be saying that a lot today," he teased. "I was wondering how long I would have to hit on you to get you to react in a way other than trying to beat me up."
"What do you mean 'trying'?" I demanded and then the full meaning of his words hit me. Holy fuck. "Oh."
"You should get washed up, you're all bloody." My dear sweet Hyne he changes subjects easily. Being at the serious risk of sounding redundant, I just looked at him while he hooked two fingers easily in the waistband of my boxers and tugged them down. "C'mon - shower. Now."
"You gonna help?" I teased, trying to fight an oncoming blush.
"I had planned on it," he told me. "But if you don't want me to…" The thought of seeing him naked and wet and all mine in the shower had me blinking and stiffening right there. "I'll take that as a yes." He wrapped his fingers around my length, pulling gently until I followed him to my bathroom. Once we were in there, he pushed the door shut and then me against it, kissing my collarbone and neck while one hand continued to work my cock and the other turned on the shower. I shivered and moaned and reached out, helping him shrug out of his clothing. We entered the steam and water and he gently washed my abused body. I tugged at his chin and brought his mouth up for a kiss - our first kiss. It was so sweet, I wanted to sob. I wanted to die. He arched against me and I dropped to my knees, taking him in my mouth as water poured down my shoulders. Gently working a finger into his body, then another, and then a third, using water and soap as lubrication, he shuddered and released himself into my mouth. I stood and kissed him, letting him taste himself on my lips, then turned him, splaying his body against the hard, cool tiles of the shower wall.
"It might hurt a little…" I whispered. "Do you want me to stop?" I ran a hand down his stomach, feeling his cock beginning to harden once more.
"No," he moaned. "Do it." I pushed forward, stopping with an inch or so in his body and reveled in his moans, letting his body get used to my intrusion. "More." I slid even further, going as slowly as I could while my eyes wanted to roll back into my head until I was finally buried in him to the base of my cock. "Oh, Hyne…" I pulled back a bit and then thrust back in, hitting a spot in his body that made him shudder and convulse. Slowly pumping in and out, wanting to savor the hot tightness that grasped my turgid flesh until finally he was thrusting in rhythm with me.
I reached around and grabbed his cock in my hand while my own pumped in and out of his body, while his hands splayed themselves onto the tiling. He moaned loudly, making my name into one long hiss while he came on my hands. I could feel his body tighten and contract on me, making the tight heat nearly painful and I emptied into his body. We stayed like that for I don't know how long, I was too far gone. We leaned together against the tile and soon the water changed from hot to cold, and I could feel him shivering under me, against me. I turned off the water and reached out of the shower to grab a towel, drying him off before grabbing another to wrap around my waist. The daze and fog left his eyes and he straightened the towel around his waist, looking at me uncertainly.
"That was…nice," he mumbled, a faint blush creeping over his soft skin. I grinned wolfishly at him, licking my lips, and the blush grew deeper.
"Very. Nice way to relieve the aches and pains. Whenever you gotta headache, come find me my friend and I'll take all your pains away." I leered at him then flung the bathroom door open, walking into my room and began digging through my dresser for some boxers…I just hoped I had some clean ones somewhere…
"So…uh…" I tugged a pair of clean cotton boxers over my hips and turned to look at him, my eyebrows raised. "What now?" I shrugged.
"Whenever you wanna fuck, lemme know - I'm always up for it." He glanced down at my dick then back at my face.
"I don't want just a lover," he murmured quietly. "I…"
"What do you want, then? A boyfriend?" I was genuinely surprised. He shrugged.
"I don't know. But…well…I do know…"
"What?" He sighed deeply, fiddling with his towel.
"Can I stay? For tonight, at least? I want that much." My heart tugged at my mind, his tone of voice - the uncertainty, the hope… - it all going straight to and stirring my emotions. I grew very quiet before padding over to him and gently pressing my lips to his.
"You already know how I feel," I whispered, my throat clogging. "I'll give you whatever you want. If I could, I'd give the moon, the stars, the world. All I really have to offer is my love, but everything that I own or that is me is yours for the taking." I paused, knowing that what I had said didn't come out quite as I wanted. "You can stay, for as long as you want, be it for only tonight, for a week, for a month…a year - whatever you want." He nodded quietly, a small smile on his face, while I went and turned off the lights and he retrieved his own boxers from in the bathroom. In the dark, the two of us quietly slipped under the covers of my small Balamb-G standard bed, my arm draping around his waist while I nuzzled his shoulder. I never knew I was quite so cuddly…but it felt so right that I just had to.
Which brings me to now. I've been lying here quietly for nearly an hour, almost asleep, believing he was asleep as well. It was after all that time that I heard him draw in a deep breath and press a kiss to my cheek then to my lips.
"I love you too, Seifer," he whispered quietly, believing I was asleep. "And, if you'll have me, I'd like to stay forever."
No, maybe yelling it in the cafeteria with my gunblade pressed to his throat was not the best way to tell Squall that I loved him. But it sure as hell got some great results.
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