Author's Notes: I wrote this after reading Silent Reverie (*sniff* so sad) so...excuse me if I sorta stole the general idea.

Of Wanting, Of Needing, Of Having

By Freya Sacksen

I see him.
No...I saw him. He's dead. I can't see someone who's dead.
Can I?

I saw him...just before the white enclosed me...he was standing, his cape flowing around him. His eyes-for the first time in a long time- held solitude. Peace.
I-I swear I could see tears in them. Tears of happiness. Of peace.

And then-could I? I-I think I heard it-a scream of pain. Of Loathing. Of Wanting. Of Having. Of Needing. Of Loving. Of Laughing. Of Crying.

And unreal.

God...I wish I could go on...without crying. Without tears. I hate tears. They feel so real that I want to rip my eyes out just to stop myself from crying.

I Want...
To see him smile and say he loves me,
To feel him laugh,
To feel him love.

I Need...
For him to be alive,
For me to wake up and discover that this is a dream,
For me to be able to love and not feel pain.

I Have...

Except an empty memory and a dusty photograph...

I stare at my hands...they seem so empty...yet filled...with the blood of the dead.

I-I wish he didn't have to die.
It hurts so bad. bad.

As though there's a hole inside of me, and all my emotions are gone, except sadness and pain.
Sadness. What a weak word.
But then again, this is a weak world.
I'm weak.

I can barely stand. My legs feel as though they're going to collapse at any moment. I can't feel anything, I can't touch anything, I can't breathe.

Oh God. Just please let me die. I want to die...

Maybe if I die this will all go away, and I won't have to suffer.

And maybe...
Maybe I'll be able to see him again, in a place without pain.

Oh, Gods, here I come...

He held the razor blade to his wrist.

In a flash he was gone.
His friends didn't notice until Selphie asked where he'd gone.

They opened the door...
And found him there, dead, in a pool of blood.

This is truly a killing of love.

He Wanted, He Needed, He Had, He Lost, He Lusted, He Found.

May God have Mercy on us All.

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