Little Black Book

Chapter Thirteen

By Alexis Logain

The nightmares came again - acting, as they always did, first as dreams of the past then of a horrific future to come.

"Nobody loves you," Dante hissed in Squall's mind as his past whirled around in his mind. For the most part, it was true. Raine had loved him. She held him every night and whispered to him and sang to him. And then she died and Laguna came back. And he took one look at Squall and proceeded to burst into tears. His father had never been one to hide his emotions. Ellone was with Squall, holding his hand.

"Don't you want to hug Squall?" she had asked quietly. Laguna had shook his head then pulled her into his arms, leaving Squall to stand there alone. Three days later, Squall had been deposited on Matron's doorstep.

A vision of Seifer whirled around an adolescent Squall, teasing and laughing at him. "I was in love with you for half my life," the blonde sneered. "Yeah, right. Just pretty words. Such pretty words for such a pretty boy. You sure you're not a girl? I mean, you always were such a little pussy."

"Go away, Seifer," Squall grumbled.

"Go away?" Seifer taunted. "No, you see, that's your job. Hyne, why can't you just die and make everyone's life easier?"

Matron sobbing in the kitchen while soldiers battered at the door, hollering to be let in - they just wanted the boy.

Junior classmen hiding while that same boy fought against those same soldiers, only years later when he could take care of himself.

Laguna's tearstained face while they lowered Raine into the ground on a beautiful, sunny day. Squall hated the sun that day - and for most of his life after, preferring the dark where he could hide. Where it was okay to be sad and to cry. And, years later, where it was okay to think of the other boys in that way. Where he could grind against other hard, young bodies in throbbing nightclubs while the heavy bass infiltrated his body. Where he met Dante for a one night stand, only to find out he was going to work with the man.

The dark that began to haunt him, to hurt his dreams. That began to call out his name in taunting voices, always hurting, always harming.

"Squall…" It seemed that it was Seifer's voice that would haunt him now. "Why did you always ignore me? Don't you know that I loved you? You idiot - I've always loved you." Squall frowned as lips pressed against his - this wasn't right, these weren't his dreams. And then the nightmare went away, invaded by warm lips and warm skin and a hard body pressed against his.

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