Lie: A Vignette
living a lie
Too much. It was too much.
He loved... he hated... he... loved?
He didn't understand. He loved the spunky blond, he loved the way that his smile made him feel. He loved feeling needed, and loved having someone that responded to his own needs. But he hated the fact that he knew it could all come crashing down so easily.
Everything was too perfect. And perfection isn't supposed to ever happen.
do you love me?
He wanted to make them happy.
Happy. Together. Yes, they could be happy together.
Don't let him down. Don't make him sad. Don't make him angry. Don't disappoint him.
He wanted to relive these days forever. Someday, his happiness would be over. It would be gone, and however it disappeared it would most likely be his own damn fault.
Everything was his fault.
how could you stand thinking like that?
Life was good. Good. Good. Good. Damn.
A sharp pain in his chest began. ~I want to make him happy.~ It hurt too much. It hurt to be away. Why was he gone so long?
~I need you, Zell.~
Pain. Pricking. Bleeding.
Good life. It's a good life.
God, he was a prick. The energy that little blond had never failed, never faded. Energizer bunny. He just wasn't pink. He was blond, had a tattoo. No sunglasses. Slight differences.
He had made fun of the shorter teen, loving the way his aura rolled off of him in waves. He simply emanated a feeling of exuberance.
Pah. Good life. He had that energy, that exuberance, focused at him once more, but not in anger anymore. It was in love. At least, he hoped it was love, and not just lust. That boy was also quite horny.
Shit. He hoped he wanted him for more than just sex. Sex was good, but he wanted a heart. Sex was...
No, it wasn't sex. They didn't have sex. They didn't fuck. They made love.
"Love is honest," he had read on some paper about the difference between infatuation and love. He was certainly infatuated, but he was in love, too. It was possible to be both.
Face it boy, you have it good. You have a bundle of energy, caring, love, and slight craziness to take care of. And that bundle more than takes care of you. That bundle helps you live. That bundle taught you how to care again.
am i really living this life? or is everything just a lie?
Return to Archive