Being cold isn't as bad as they make it out to be.
Yeah, I miss out on being "social". All that means is that I miss some fake friends, some meaningless pre-mating rituals, and some teenage angst brought about by the lack of that perfect girl or guy.
Personally, I'd rather not have any of that. If being alone, aloof, cold will keep it away, then that's how I will be.
Whatwould it be like if I wasn't like this? If I hadn't decided long ago, after I'd lost them, that I wouldn't let anyone else get in again? Would I be like Zell, happy and excitable, and popular? Or would I be more like Seifer, intelligent, confident, arrogant? Maybe I'd use my looks to my advantage, like Irvine, and try to find the answer in meaningless sex.
I almost wish I knew. I wish I knew if it would be better than this, if it would be worth the pain.
But what if it wasn't? Would I still be like this, just from a different path?
Do all the paths converge? Or are they separate, twisting and turning in all their own ways?
I wish I knew.
But maybe I don't. I don't even know that.
They say you can't be sure until you've tried it. But who are they? And how do they know?
I wish I knew. I wish I was one of them.
But I'm not. I'm stuck like this, the frigid iceberg.
I wish I knew how to change.
Then I could be like Zell, or Seifer, or Irvine. I could be anyone, or I could even be myself, for once.
But I don't know how. And I can't be anyone else. I'm just this. Almost me, but not quite.
I wish someone could show me how. How to let go of it all, to be something again.
I wish I could do it. Anything. Something. Anything but nothing.
I wish I wasn't nothing.
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