First Love
By Rain
Disclaimer: Not mine . . . anyone want to give them to me?
Author's Notes: You should read this while listening to "First Lov e" by Utada Hikaru. I think it adds more feeling to it. If you want, you can download it from my ML. I have it in the "Files" section. ^__^
First Love
By Rain
No one understood the relationship between Seifer and I. They assumed we were rivals and nothing more. It didn't matter to us; we let them believe whatever they wanted to believe. For that reason, Rinoa had a hard time grasping the fact that I could no longer be with her.
My relationship with Seifer began when I was sixteen, during the summer. The headmaster gave everyone a one-week vacation to visit friends and family for the short break. Most of the Garden had emptied out, but there were still a few students who remained behind. Seifer and I included.
I was seated in the cafeteria when Seifer joined me at my table. He had his usual arrogant expression on his face, and it was amusing to see how fast the cafeteria cleared out when he entered.
"Interested in a sparring match, Squally-boy?" Seifer smirked at me and leaned against the metal chair lazily. One booted foot landed on the corner of the squared-table, sending flecks of dirt onto my tuna sandwich.
I pushed my plate away from me in disgust. At the same time, I sent Seifer an annoyed look.
"Has anyone told you, you look like a pug when you scowl like that?" He brought both hands to his cheeks and squashed his face together. "This is what you look like," he said through fish lips.
It was the first time I ever associated the word 'weird' with Seifer. I hadn't seen anyone over the age of seven make a fish face.
"Well, what do you say, princess? Feel like getting your ass kicked today?"
"Whatever." I said.
"I'll meet you at the front gate in twenty minutes then."
It was strange how Seifer could interpret my words when I barely said anything. At first, I found it annoying, but then I appreciated it after awhile. I never had to elaborate with Seifer, or rather, unless he was deliberately pushing my buttons, he knew when to stop talking to me.
"Fine," I said with a sigh.
Seifer grinned and stood from the chair in one fluid movement. His trench coat flapped open from the rush of air for a brief moment, revealing a smooth, golden chest hidden behind a black and white vest. The firmness of his muscles was growing steadily stronger as his body matured. In a few years, he would grow taller and stronger. There was a promise of perfection in his chiseled features and growing body. I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks as my eyes strayed down to the zipper of his black pants.
"Be there in twenty minutes, Leonhart," Seifer said. He left the cafeteria with his trench coat billowing out behind him, and a couple of students who just walked in jumped out of his way like he was a two-ton truck barreling down the highway.
Grateful that Seifer hadn't noticed my straying eyes, I placed cool hands over my warm cheeks and sat for a moment. Once I regained control over myself, I stood from the table and headed to my room to pick up my gunblade.
A few hours later, Seifer and I were seated on the beach, panting and sweating. The sun was just beginning to descend towards the horizon, sending orange light glittering across the calm, blue ocean. Seifer was seated next to me with his legs bent at the knee and his arms behind him, hands buried in the sand, using them as support to lean back. The suns dying light illuminated half of his face, and his disheveled blond hair, which was damp with sweat, blew gently with the wind. That was the first time I found Seifer attractive.
"Enjoying the view?" Seifer smirked, turning his head to the side to face me. I knew he wasn't talking about the sunset, but about my watching him. The way the corner of his mouth curved into a half smile made my face burn as he became even more beautiful. That stray lock of hair fell between his sparkling green eyes, and I had to turn my head away.
I placed my chin on my knees and wrapped my arms around my legs, keeping my eyes focused straight ahead.
For a couple of minutes, we sat there in silence, just listening to the sound of the rolling waves. It was a soothing sound, but the scenery made everything seem lonely.
The sky was colored in pastels: pink, purple, orange, and white. It was like a canvas with different colors of paint splattered and smeared everywhere. The setting sun added to the colorful sky, but instead of making me feel peaceful, I felt alone. All alone. The feeling of loneliness hung heavy all around me.
"You feel that way, too?"
I turned to look at Seifer and noticed he was watching me with heated green eyes.
The seriousness of his tone took me by surprise, and the expression on his face was hard and calculating - as if he were trying to strip away my barriers.
"What way?" I asked as I returned my gaze to the ocean spread out in front of us.
"Alone. Abandoned," he said.
I turned my head back to look at him in surprise. He was looking at the sky now, his face appearing to be so much younger. It was the first time I ever saw Seifer let his guard down.
"Do you ever wonder who your parents are? I can't remember them. I don't know if they died in the war, or if they just abandoned me," Seifer said as he tilted his head back, causing his hair to fall backwards as he got a better view of the sky. "I was watching Fujin and Raijin pack their bags before they left, and all I felt was bitterness. Bitterness and Anger. But most of all, loneliness." He turned to look at me again, his eyes, for the first time, were not condescending or arrogant, just vulnerable. "I know you feel that way, too. I can feel it. You push everyone away because you want to be alone, but that doesn't stop you from feeling lonely."
"We're always going to be alone," I said. "People are just going to hurt you and leave you, so what's the point?"
Seifer looked at me for a couple of seconds, and then he started laughing. It was genuine laughter. I frowned at him and tried to figure out what was so funny, growing annoyed. But at the same time, the way Seifer looked with a real smile on his face made my heart pound.
"I should have known you were going to say that," Seifer said with a shake of his head. An amused smile still curved the corners of his mouth, but it soon disappeared with his next words. "Someone must have done a real number on you, huh? Was it a girl?"
". . . What?" I said in confusion.
"Who hurt you?"
The question caught me off-guard and I stared at him blankly for a moment. Then, I paused to actually think about it, but came up with nothing. I had always thought that being alone was best, but Seifer was right. Someone must have done something to me to get me to think that way. Or maybe someone had told me that. I couldn't remember.
"I don't know," I said truthfully.
"Okay. . ." Seifer trailed. "You know, for what it's worth, not everyone in the world would hurt you."
". . . Whatever."
"I'm not going to be alone forever," Seifer said matter-of-factly.
I chose not to comment as I returned my eyes towards the setting sun.
"Well, I'm going to head back," Seifer said. At the same time, he stood and brushed sand off the back of his pants. I couldn't help but notice he had a firm, round bottom.
"Listen, uh . . ." Seifer scratched the back of his head nervously, "whatever I said earlier, that just stays between us, ok?"
I shrugged and didn't bother to say that not only do I not gossip, but I don't speak to anyone anyway.
After Seifer left, I remained on the beach until the sun set, reflecting on his words. I didn't know what brought on his sudden trust in me; I always thought he hated me. But Seifer was unpredictable. And, in a hypocritical sense, I found comfort in the fact that Seifer understood me. Maybe even more than I knew.
It was strange how my relationship with Seifer changed after the time we spent on the beach. Every time we sparred, we sat down and discussed life. Seifer did most of the talking, but I began to realize we were the same in many ways, but different in others.
We felt the same way, but had a different outlook on life. Seifer was determined to make things go his way, while I could care less about what happened to me. Seifer wanted to be someone, to go somewhere. In a way, I admired that. There was so much more to Seifer then he let on. He could be an asshole when he wanted to, but also nice when he was in a certain mood. He was confident, but sometimes he just appeared vulnerable. And he seemed to know me like the back of his hand. He understood my pessimistic attitude, but he never tried to change me. He accepted me for who I was. That was when I began to fall in love with him.
I had never considered myself gay or straight; I had never been attracted to anyone. Except Seifer. The more I got to know him, the more I wanted to be with him. At first, I tried to ignore my feelings, knowing that it would only bring me pain. But after awhile, I didn't care. An irrational part of me believed that Seifer would never hurt me intentionally, as long as I kept my feelings to myself. In a span of a month and a half, Seifer ripped down the barrier I had wrapped around myself, and I didn't mind at all.
The first time we kissed, we were in the 'Secret Area' of the Training Center. It was three in the morning and no one was around.
"Hey, Squall," Seifer said as he leaned against the wall that overlooked the bright lights of Balamb Garden. "Have you ever wondered about how many people fucked in this small area?"
". . . What?"
What kind of question was that?
"Think about it," Seifer said, "Everyone comes here to make out. There must have been dozens of people who've fucked here."
I shook my head, muttering, "Only you would think of something like that."
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Heh, I bet you've never kissed anyone before," he said, smirking at me.
While we understood each other more, and got along better, being an asshole was still part of Seifer's personality.
"Wha--?" I gasped in surprise when Seifer grabbed my wrists and pushed me backwards, until I was trapped between a wall and his hard body.
"So, tell me," Seifer brought his face down to mine, our breaths mingling, "have you ever been kissed?"
I was having a hard time focusing on his words. All I was aware of was the strong hands wrapped around my wrists, held high above my head. I could feel every beat of my pulse because of the firm grip Seifer had on me. There was a foot of space between our bodies from Seifer bending forward so that our faces would be at the same level. My body ached to be closer to him, but I was held immobile by the bright green eyes focused solely on me.
"Well?" Seifer breathed, his voice reaching a tone I never heard him use before. It was low and seductive, vibrating across my sensitized skin.
My mouth fell open, but no sound came out. I just watched, like a trapped animal, as his burning emerald-eyes became increasingly larger. As I felt the electricity of his breath against my lips, I felt my eyes slide closed and his mouth gently covered mine.
No words could describe the sensation I felt as Seifer kissed me. His lips were so soft, gently rubbing against mine. He kissed me like I was something precious to him, like I would shatter or disappear if handled too roughly. The hands that had been wrapped around my wrists relaxed their grip and released me. One palm cradled the side of my face, while the other massaged my hipbone in gentle circles.
I wanted to be closer to him, so I took a step forward, wrapping my arms around his neck, pressing our bodies together. Seifer wrapped his own arms around my waist, holding me tight.
I could feel the beat of his heart as it pounded a slow thrum against my chest. I felt small and vulnerable against his hard, lean body, and I felt safe.
I couldn't remember when the kiss ended, but when I heard him whispering something, I had my cheek pressed against the center of his chest, and Seifer was still holding me tight.
When I managed to focus on his words, it made my heart stop. I never thought anyone would speak those words to me. I never thought I wanted it. But as Seifer continued to whisper, I felt a sensation I had never felt before.
I was happy.
"I love you," he said in the softest, gentlest voice I ever heard. One of his hands was stroking through my hair, while the other remained wrapped around my waist.
"I love you," I whispered, snuggling closer to his chest.
Seifer squeezed me even tighter, and I understood.
We weren't alone anymore.
When I asked Seifer why he kissed me, and why he wanted to be with me, he said it was because it felt right. He could tell me anything and everything, and nothing would change my view on him. His reason for falling in love with me was the same as mine: we understood each other, and we accepted each other.
Our relationship hadn't changed too much since our first kiss. We still sparred; we still talked; he still acted like an ass whenever he felt like it. But we also held each other for hours, and kissed under the stars. Sometimes, while we were making out, Seifer would suggest taking our relationship to the next level. As much as I wanted to give myself to him, I was scared. But, Seifer understood, and he hadn't pressured me into doing anything.
On the night of Seifer's eighteenth birthday, I lost my virginity to him. We had been together for about four months, and our love only seemed to grow stronger.
Seifer had snuck in through my bedroom window with a bottle of wine, massaging oil, and a huge grin on his face.
"Since I'm the birthday boy, I demand a full body massage," he said as he hopped through the window and onto my bed.
He was dressed in an unbuttoned white long-sleeved shirt and dark blue jeans. The sight of his uncovered torso made my cheeks flush. Our sparring had become a daily thing, and as a result, Seifer's chest had become broader and more toned. The sharp lines of his muscles accentuated his honey-colored skin.
Unfortunately for me, I remained slender, but in good shape.
"I stole this from the pub in Timber a year ago," Seifer said as he opened the wine and poured two cupful's. "I had to run like hell from the bartender." There was a smug expression on his face. "It's good wine, though." He handed me a clear, plastic cup full of dark red liquid.
"I don't drink," I said with a shake of my head.
"Oh, come on! It's my birthday!" Seifer pouted. "I'm not going to take advantage of you."
I raised a slender eyebrow and gave him a Look.
"What? I'm not. You don't trust me?" Seifer feigned mock hurt.
". . . Fine." I took the cup from Seifer and smelled the alcohol, scrunching up my nose as I did so.
"It's good," he said, urging me to take a sip.
I took a small sip, swishing the bitter taste around my mouth. It wasn't too bad, but . . . "Isn't wine supposed to be drunk with food?"
"Yeah, it's supposed to bring the flavor out. But it's also easy to get drunk off of." Seifer winked at me. "I thought wine would be more romantic then hards or beer. And wine coolers seem too cheap."
I took another sip of the wine, and decided that I didn't like it. However, Seifer seemed to enjoy it as he gulped it down.
"Where's Fujin and Raijin?" I asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.
"I don't know. I hung out with them for a few hours, and then I left." Seifer poured himself another cup of wine and started to fiddle with the radio on my desk.
As Seifer searched the radio stations for a decent song, I opened the closet and retrieved Seifer's birthday present.
"Hey, I haven't heard this song in awhile," Seifer said as he turned the volume up and Utada's voice filled the small room, "You are always going to be the one," Seifer sang in a dreadful voice. He looked up from the radio and stopped singing when he noticed the small package I held out to him. "Happy Birthday," I said as I handed it to him. Seifer took the package wrapped in blue paper and ripped it open. Inside was a velvet pouch, which he opened, and found a silver choker inside.
"I-I wasn't sure what to get you," I said, feeling nervous. "I thought you might like that. . ." The expression on Seifer's face was blank. I couldn't tell whether or not he liked it.
". . . I've never received a birthday present before," Seifer said, his voice unusually soft.
"What?" I said in surprise. "But . . . what about Fujin and Raijin."
"We celebrate my birthday, but they have never gotten me anything," he said. He looked at me, and I could see his gratitude and happiness written all over his face. "Thank you," he said, stepping forward and planting a kiss on my cheek. "I think that's the first time I've ever thanked someone," he laughed.
I smiled at him, and Seifer's eyes widened.
"I think that's the first time I've ever seen you smile, too," he said.
I ducked my head in embarrassment, but also because I couldn't stop smiling. Once I regained control over myself, I picked up the massage oil Seifer had placed on the desk and held it in front of him. "Are you ready for that massage?"
Seifer grinned and tore off his shirt. "Oh, but wait." Seifer handed me the silver choker. "Could you put this on me?" When he turned around, I smiled as I placed the small necklace around his neck. "Thanks," he said, once I was done.
Seifer laid down on the bed, face down, using his arms as a pillow. I could feel my heart start to pound as I straddled his waist and opened the bottle of oil.
We had made out many times before, but Seifer had done all of the touching.
I poured a trail of clear oil down the center of Seifer's back, watching as the liquid sparkled as it descended towards his blue jeans.
"Um, Seifer?" I began nervously.
"Hm?"
"Maybe you should take off your pants. Otherwise, it might get oily," I said.
"Take it off then," he said, lifting his hips, forgetting that I was seated on his back.
"Seifer!" I said, in the loudest voice ever, as I rose into the air like a kid riding on his fathers back.
Seifer laughed as he bounced me up and down, on his hands and knees. All I could do was grasp his shoulders, feeling the oil I had poured on his back soak into my shirt. The bed was too small for me to jump off. I had only three options: slam into the wall, fall on the floor, or hold on tight.
"Seifer! Stop it!" I managed to gasp in between bucks.
Seifer ignored me, probably due to the irrational laughter that was coming from my mouth. He continued to bounce until we were both exhausted.
I collapsed on the bed beside Seifer, still laughing slightly. Seifer smiled and propped his head up on his hand, just watching me. The orange-glow of the bedside lamp caused his golden-hair to glitter against the false light, and his green eyes sparkled as he leaned forward to press a kiss to my lips.
It was a sweet, gentle kiss; one that involved the gentle tangle of tongues. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing him closer to me. He leaned over me and trailed his lips down to my neck.
The brush of his tongue against the sensitive skin of my neck made my head spin dizzily from pleasure. I moaned and pushed my hips up, rubbing my awakening arousal against his muscular thigh. A moan rumbled in Seifer's throat, and he nipped at my skin with the edges of his teeth. Pleasure spiked through me; an onslaught of sensation that caused my toes to curl inward.
I ran my hands down the side of his torso. There were still the remnants of oil on his golden skin, allowing my fingers to glide across his body with ease. His skin was so warm; heat surged through his body like an inferno of fire. It was a burn to touch him, but a burn that I craved.
As Seifer continued to lick and suck at my neck, his hands became busy as they slid beneath the black shirt that I was wearing. The palm of his hand roamed across my trembling stomach. Just the brush of his fingers against my skin made me moan. There was a need building inside me, something that my body was beginning to crave. As his hands slid further up my body, my shirt followed them. And soon, the shirt was pulled over my head and tossed away.
Cool air hit my skin and I lifted my body to press against Seifer. The warmth of his skin melted into mine as our chests met, skin-on-skin. Unconsciously, I spread my legs and allowed Seifer to settle himself between them.
"I love you," Seifer breathed as he abandoned my neck and nibbled on the outer shell of my ear. "I love you so much."
My heart soared at the sound of his words and, in response, I wrapped my legs around his waist and pushed his hips forward, where his clothed arousal pushed against my bottom.
"Squall?" He stopped nibbling on my ear and sat up, using his knees and arms as support to hover over me. ". . . You want to? You're ready?"
I nodded, sending him words of love as I looked into his glittering eyes. "I want you to make me yours." Those words caused a warm smile to grace Seifer's lips. The way his eyes and face lit up was enough to make an angel look ordinary.
Seifer leaned forward and pressed a hungry kiss to my lips. It wasn't out of his need for fulfillment, but out of the emotions that crested over him. I could read his expression like an open book. The joining of our bodies would complete our bond. We would never be truly alone again; we had each other. Now and Forever.
Seifer trailed the tips of his fingers down the center of my body. Little tingles of pleasure trickled over me from his short nails gently raking against my skin. One of his fingers dipped beneath the waistband of my pants, trailing back and forth, driving me wild with sensation.
When he began working on the button to my pants and undid it, I lifted my hips so that he could slide the material down my legs.
Once they were freed, Seifer threw them across the room and sat on the edge of the bed.
I watched as he lifted my right foot into the air and brought it to his mouth, where he blew a stream of cool air across my toes. I shivered from the sensation, unable to hold back a soft moan. Seifer smiled at me, before he wrapped his mouth around my big toe. Hot wetness wrapped around my toe, sending waves of pleasure straight to my hardened arousal.
It was erotic to watch Seifer as he sucked on my toes. I could see his indented cheeks, and the way his eyelids lowered as he gazed at me. The feel of his tongue wrapping itself around my toes made my entire body ache for something more. As each spike of pleasure washed through me, the need for more only increased. Soon, I was panting and rubbing my exposed erection.
"Did that feel good?" Seifer asked, lowering my foot back on to the bed.
In response, I sat up and pulled Seifer towards me. I kissed him hard on the lips, before I pushed him down on the bed and fumbled with his pants.
As soon as Seifer was naked, except for the choker wrapped around his neck, I settled myself between his legs and nibbled on the tip of his erection.
It was the first time I touched Seifer so intimately, but there was a burning need inside me. A need that desired this part of Seifer's body.
Slowly, I wrapped my mouth around the head of Seifer's cock. A strangled moan came from his lips, and I looked up to see Seifer fisting the white sheets. A look of ecstasy and concentration on his chiseled features. With a slight smirk, I pressed the tip of my tongue against the slit of his erection. A coat of bitter fluid wrapped around my tongue, and I couldn't help but crave for more of that unique taste. Seifer's taste.
I wrapped my right hand around the base of Seifer's cock and gave him a firm stroke. As my hand came up, I brought my mouth down, moaning as I felt Seifer's pre-cum slide across the roof of my mouth.
When I opened my eyes to focus on Seifer again, I met his emerald gaze and moaned from the sheer lust burning in its depths. He released the sheets and slipped his hands into my hair, gripping the strands tightly, causing slight pain, but also pleasure.
To again more comfort, I shifted my body between Seifer's legs. I tucked my legs beneath me and rested my chest against my thighs, bracing myself against my elbows, which were tucked to the side of me. I felt like a dog in my current position, but I was able to swallow more of Seifer's delicious cock.
As I wrapped my lips tightly around Seifer's length, I felt him sit up, so I locked eyes with him again. He removed his hands from my hair and placed them behind him, as support.
As I descended down on the thickness of his Seifer's erection, I kept my eyes locked with his. I could feel my eyes droop in pleasure as I tasted him, making sure to get as much of his taste on my tongue as possible.
I bobbed my head up and down, increasing the suction of my mouth with each descent. Seifer began to rock his hips up, meeting my mouth, thrust-for-thrust. And the whole time, our eyes remained connected. I could see the sweat beading across his forehead, and the slight flush of his cheeks as pleasure washed through him. It made my heart pound, knowing that I was causing Seifer to react that way. I'd never seen him look so erotic in my life. He was breathing hard and his hair was damp. The blond tint to his hair became a shade darker from his sweat, and his chest heaved as he fought to remain in-control of his body.
I smiled around the cock in my mouth, before I closed my eyes and sucked harder than I had before. I could feel my cheeks turn inward, causing more suction. A moan escaped Seifer's lips, encouraging me to increase the pressure of my mouth.
My head moved up and down, faster and faster. When I gently cupped his balls with the palm of my hand, Seifer leaned forward and pulled me off of him.
"What's wrong?" I asked, feeling the pulse in my lips, and the saliva that slid down my chin.
"I need to be inside you," he said, his voice low and husky, sending shivers racing down my spine.
I watched as he grabbed the massage oil and poured some over his fingers. Then he pushed me against the bed, my head landing on my fluffy pillow. I spread my legs as Seifer moved between them, sitting back on his ankles.
Two oiled fingers pressed against my opening. They circled the wrinkled skin of my passage, before they both slipped inside, stretching me.
I bit my lower lip as slight pain rushed through me. I clenched the bed sheets and watched Seifer, who's eyes were focused on the fingers melting into my body.
The two intruders probed inside me, twisting and scissoring away from each other. I shifted my hips, but Seifer placed his free hand on my hipbone, holding me still.
After a few minutes, Seifer withdrew his fingers and coated his erection with a new droplet of oil.
I watched with slight fear as the glistening organ neared my entrance.
Seifer leaned over me, pressing one hand on the bed next to my head. He used his other hand to guide his arousal. There was a significant amount of space between our bodies, allowing me to see Seifer's erection move closer and closer.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Seifer asked, the tip of his cock pressed against my waiting entrance.
"Yes," I whispered, "I trust you."
Seifer smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss to my lips. At the same time, his arousal pushed past the tight ring of muscle.
A burning sensation tore through me as Seifer penetrated me. It was painful and uncomfortable as he slid in deeper and deeper. My body protested the thick, foreign object, but I bit my lower lip and endured it. While my body didn't seem to like the pain, the fact that it was Seifer sliding inside me made me emotionally fulfilled. Our bodies were slowly becoming one.
Once Seifer had pushed in all the way, he paused to steady his trembling arms.
As I gazed up at him, his eyes were tightly shut, and a droplet of sweat clung to the tip of his nose. I smiled as I looked down between our bodies, seeing that Seifer was buried in completely. His entire body seemed to be trembling. I could feel the little vibrations against the legs I had wrapped around his waist.
When Seifer opened his eyes, I smiled at him.
"I'm yours now," I murmured.
When he lowered his face for a kiss, the bead of sweat on his nose dripped off, landing on my cheek.
The heat of his lips nearly burned me as he kissed me, again and again. One of his hands slid down the side of my body to rub his thumb against my hipbone. I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, needing to feel his tongue filling my mouth.
As our tongues tangled in a hot, wet play, Seifer's cock slowly withdrew from me . . . only to fill me completely once more. The gentle thrust of his hips gave me tingles of pleasure. While it was still slightly uncomfortable to have him inside me, it was also becoming pleasurable as his cock rubbed against the moist walls of my channel.
"Squall . . ." Seifer moaned as he moved inside me, agonizingly slow. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I said, clutching his shoulders as his pace increased.
The hot sensation of Seifer moving inside me brought beads of sweat trailing down my flushed body. It was no longer uncomfortable having Seifer inside me. The only thing I wanted was for him to move faster.
I began to lift my hips, meeting him thrust-for-thrust. After a moment, Seifer began thrusting harder and harder. I moaned and arched my neck, feeling pleasure spike through me.
It was an indescribable pleasure. Every muscle in my body tensed, and sensation spilled threw me like melted butter. I dug my nails into Seifer's back, certain that there would be half-moon shapes embedded in his skin later.
"Seifer, more," I pleaded, slamming my hips down to meet him. With each thrust, the same, unbelievable sensation washed through me. The tip of Seifer's cock was brushing something, and it was turning all my nerves into jelly. "Faster," I begged him, "Please."
Seifer complied and began slamming his hips into me. Each stroke sent me to a new height of ecstasy, and loud moans burst from my throat as pleasure overloaded my senses.
It felt so good to have Seifer moving inside me, hitting that spot. I managed to open half-lidded eyes and watch him as he moved above me.
Every muscle in his body was strained. Sweat poured down his body like crystals, glittering in the orange light of the lamp. His cheeks were flushed a dark red, and his blond hair was matted to his forehead.
The strong arms placed on either side of me were strained, his muscles protruding against his flushed golden skin.
He looked gorgeous moving over me. His eyes clouded but focused, looking directly at me.
As the pace grew even faster, his thrusts became harder, and soon I was tossing my head back and forth, moaning incoherently. I could feel Seifer sliding in and out of me; his thick length filling me over and over again.
I arched my back slightly, wanting to feel Seifer deeper inside of me. As if he knew what I wanted, Seifer settled onto his knees, dragging my body toward him to rest my bottom on his lap. The hair on his thighs rubbed against my bottom like fingernails, bringing even more pleasure to my body. [1] The angle of our bodies allowed Seifer's cock to penetrate my passage even further. Places that hadn't been stretched before shifted to accommodate Seifer's throbbing erection. All I could do was moan as he pounded into me, feeling my mind begin to slip away from me.
When Seifer placed one hand on my hip and one hand around my arousal, all rationality fled as my mind focused on the pleasure only. I raised a fist to my mouth and bit down on my knuckles, unable to take the pleasure anymore. Seifer was pounding into me so hard and fast, it felt like his cock never left that special place deep inside me. My senses were on overload as I felt my erection twitch, followed by hot fluid that rained down on my stomach.
A quiet moan burst from my lips as the pleasure flooded out of me. My inner muscles pulsed as each shot of cum erupted from my sensitive arousal. Seifer began thrusting into me harder than before. I focused my eyes on the lower half of his body, seeing his stomach muscles tighten as he came closer and closer to orgasm.
"Squall," Seifer moaned softly.
I looked at him from under hooded eyes, watching the way his damp bangs dangling across his emerald green eyes. As I felt the cum on my stomach slide down the side of me, I used my hand to cup the fluid before it spilled on to the bed.
When I noticed that Seifer's eyes were focused on the cum on my hand, I smirked at him and brought the fluid to my lips. I trailed the tip of my tongue across the puddle of whiteness in the palm of my hand, moaning as the bitterness sank into my taste buds. I locked eyes with him as I did it again, allowing him to see the cum dripping down the tip of my tongue.
With a moan that sounded more like a growl, Seifer pounded into me one last time before hot warmth exploded inside me. Each shot coated my insides, marking my body as his, and his alone. His cock twitched as pulse after pulse, more cum poured out of him.
"Mine," he whispered, once his body relaxed and he collapsed on top of me.
"Yours," I said, a slight smile on my lips.
Seifer rolled off me and fumbled with the light switch. When the bedside lamp shut off, he laid on the bed next to me and wrapped a strong arm around me. I placed my head on his chest, listening to the pounding of his heart, and soon after, we both fell asleep.
My relationship with Seifer continued to run smoothly after that. We had our disagreements and fought, but it was over almost as soon as it started.
Our first big fight happened on the day of the field exam. Seifer accused me of cheating on him, while I confronted him about ignoring me. He had been spending all of his time with Fujin and Raijin in the library. [2] And as a result, I asked someone else to be my sparring partner.
There had been rumors flying around Garden about an upcoming field exam. I asked Seifer if he would train with me, but he said that he was too busy. So, I asked Nida if he would train with me.
While Nida and I were sparring in the training center, a T-Rexaur appeared and began to attack us. Once the fight was over, Nida offered me a bottle of water. As I was walking toward him to take the drink from his hand, a tentacle from a passing Grat struck the back of my leg, causing me to fall over. I landed right on top of him, and when I looked up, Seifer had just rounded the corner.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Seifer growled as he approached us. A glare firmly in place. "Is this what you meant by 'training'?" he snapped. Nida took one look at him and decided that he didn't want to be there. As he headed toward the double doors, Seifer stalked forward, tapping his gunblade against his shoulder. "I should've known you were just a slut," he said.
"I fell," I explained, feeling unusually intimidated by the look on his face.
"Yeah, right," he said, "I'm not fucking stupid."
"It's not what you think." I winced. "There's nothing going on."
"That's why you're always complaining about me ignoring you, right? Shit. I should've known you didn't understand the meaning of the word 'love'." He scowled, his hand gripping his gunblade tightly.
My chest tightened upon hearing his harsh words. Hurt swirled around me like a tsunami, cycling around fast and viciously. I couldn't believe he had just said that I didn't care for him. I loved him more than anything. . .
"You're the one who doesn't know what love is," I accused. "You don't even spend time with me anymore." I looked at the ground, unable to meet his emerald eyes. "You're the one who doesn't care."
"Fuck! I see you every day! What more do you want?" he shouted. "Excuse me if I have a life beyond you!"
More hurt spiraled through me and I stared at Seifer in disbelief.
He had always said that I was his life, that he didn't need anything more. I thought I was everything to him.
"The only time you see me is when you want sex." My voice quivered, barely able to conceal the hurt that was suffocating me.
"Well, that seems to be the only thing you're good for," he snapped.
The world dropped from beneath my feet. There was a terrible ringing in my ears. I stared at Seifer, unable to conjure any words. No words could explain the pain that I felt. It was like Seifer had reached into my chest and pulled my heart out.
In many ways, I think he did.
"That's all I'm good for?" I asked in a soft voice.
"You heard me."
Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks, but I held them back, forcing myself not to blink my eyes. With my shoulders slumped, I turned around and began to walk out of the training center - until Seifer grabbed my shoulder and forced me to face him.
"You're not going anywhere," he told me.
The press of his hand against my shoulder seemed to be burn me. I pushed his hand off of me and glared at him, seized by an unknown anger. Seifer smirked at me menacingly, clearly understanding the fire that rushed through me.
"You want to play, Squally? Then lets play." He straightened himself and held Hyperion out in front of him. "Just so you know, I've been cheating on you, too. I met a lovely girl last summer . . ."
The final stab of Seifer's words killed my heart.
I was alone again.
I turned to leave, but Seifer threw a rock at me.
His provocation served its purpose, and I gripped Lion Heart and spun around. About fifteen minutes later, we had exchanged scars, and darkness descended over me.
When I awoke in the infirmary, Seifer was nowhere to be found. Quistis escorted me to class, but Seifer chose to ignore me the entire time. I had hoped that he had calmed down and was willing to speak with me; some irrational part of my mind hoping that Seifer still cared for me. I wanted to look for Seifer after class, but I had to go to the Fire Cavern with Quistis.
The next time I saw Seifer, he had reverted back to his old self. There was no hint of warmth in his eyes, a warmth that had always been directed towards me. He spoke to me like I meant nothing to him.
During the field exam, Seifer simply ordered me around. For a moment, I thought Seifer had forgiven me when we were at the communication tower. And I thought things would smooth over when he clapped for me when I made SeeD.
But when I was at the SeeD Ball, Seifer was nowhere to be found. It wasn't until after I shared a dance with Rinoa when I found him.
Rinoa had run off the dance floor, and straight into Seifer's arms.
I thought I could hear my heart shatter.
The last time I had spoken to the Seifer I had fallen in love with, we were at the TV station in Timber. Seifer had traveled all those miles to help me - to make sure that I wouldn't be hurt. When Quistis explained what he had said, I could feel my heart re-healing itself with the knowledge that Seifer still cared for me.
Fate seemed to hate me, though.
Seifer left with the sorceress . . .
Soon after, I learned of his death at Galbadia Garden. I thought I had lost everything. Seifer, the only one who could understand me, the only one who cared for me, was gone. Dead. I would never see him again.
But of course, Fujin and Raijin had been correct. Seifer wouldn't be killed so easily. When I saw him with the Sorceress in Deling, I felt hope blossom inside of my chest.
However, he had joined the sorceress' side, making it perfectly clear that he no longer wanted to be with me. I had always believed that she was controlling him somehow, but my heart refused to believe it. I had nothing to offer him; I couldn't make him happy. Seifer was fulfilling his 'romantic dream' - something that didn't involve me.
He enforced that belief at D-District Prison. He told me he never cared for me; that he never loved me. All he was after was a good fuck.
It had broken my heart to hear those words, but it didn't matter to me. As long as he was happy; as long as he got what he wanted, it didn't matter.
I tried to forget about him. I hardened my heart and convinced myself that no one would hurt me again. I didn't want to go through that again . . .
Which brought me back to Rinoa.
I honestly believed I was in love with her. There were bits and pieces of her personality that reminded me of Seifer. In a lot of ways, she convinced me to open my heart again, to love someone. At first, I thought of her as only the mission. But when she went into a coma after we fought Matron, I got that same sensation in my chest, the one I felt when I thought Seifer had died. It wasn't as intense, but it was there.
I thought I loved her . . . until I saw Seifer in Balamb a few hours ago. Just one look at his face, and all the memories came flooding back. The feelings that I forced myself to ignore poured over me and all I wanted to do was fall into his arms and stay there forever. There was only one thing that stopped me, and she was gently twining our fingers together.
Seifer hadn't seen us, he was too busy staring out into the vast ocean, a fishing pole placed between his hands. Rinoa and I rushed back to Garden, my heart pounding violently within my chest.
All the love I had for Seifer was fresh in my mind, in my heart, and in my soul. I realized then that I could love no one else except Seifer. He was the one I wanted, the one who would always have a place in my heart. As I looked up at Rinoa, my feelings seemed to gain some clarity. I loved her like a sister and nothing more.
Seifer was the one I was in love with. He was the only one I wanted, even if he didn't want me.
When I explained the truth to Rinoa, she couldn't understand the history between Seifer and I. She always believed we hated each other.
The guilt that settled over me when Rinoa began to cry was overwhelming. I didn't blame her if she hated me, but all she did was nod her head, trying to understand as I explained the relationship between Seifer and I.
Once I was done explaining, Rinoa had forced a smile and wished me luck. Soon after, I jumped into a car and headed to the town of Balamb.
Seifer was still on the pier when I arrived, out of breath. He was leaning against a guardrail, his blond hair blowing gently with the wind. As I approached, he turned his head, green eyes widening ever so slightly.
For a few minutes, neither of us said anything. I stood next to him, hands on the railing, simply watching the rolling waves of the Balamb harbor. The salt air made my cheeks tingle, and every time the wind blew, I caught a faint trace of Seifer's cologne. The smell brought tears to my eyes, it being so familiar. I remembered all those times when he would hold me tight. I would breathe in deeply, comforted by the smell that lingered on his trench coat. It was the smell of home, a place where I belonged, forever and always.
". . . Hey." His voice came out scratchy and huskily. As if he hadn't used it in years.
"Hey," I said softly, watching a seagull fly over the vast blue ocean. If I listened closely, I could hear the sound of Seifer's breathing.
Silence descended upon us once again. From the corner of my eye, I could see him unconsciously pouting - something he only did when he was concentrating on something.
"What are you doing here?" He asked after a few minutes. His eyes were narrowed and he turned to face me, confusion written all over his face. "I tried to kill you."
". . . Did you really?" I wondered aloud. I focused my eyes on the silver choker wrapped around his neck and felt my heart warm.
Maybe there was hope.
"I don't know," he said, "every time I think back on it, I get confused by all the anger I felt."
I didn't say anything as I looked up at him, finding the small crease on his forehead adorable. I reached out a hand, cautiously, and cupped his cheek, using my thumb to stroke the smooth curve of his bone.
His reaction was almost immediate. One second, he had leaned into my touch. The next, he was taking a step back, saying, "Don't, Squall. Just . . . don't."
I couldn't stop the tears that flooded my eyes.
"No, I didn't mean." Seifer stared at the ground angrily. "I just . . . I don't deserve you."
"It's ok," I said in a soothing tone. "I love you."
Seifer looked at me incredulously. "I tried to kill you," he said again.
"It doesn't matter." I took a step toward him. "What matters is: do you still love me?"
"Don't be stupid," he snapped.
"Did you ever love me?" I was unable to conceal the hurt in my voice. I looked at the ground and nibbled on my lower lip, telling myself not to cry.
"Do you even need to ask me that?" he demanded.
"But . . . you said you never cared for me. You even cheated on me with Rinoa."
"Shit, Squall, that was before we got together," he said. "I told you all those things to get a reaction out of you."
I looked up at him with wide eyes.
"Hyne, you're not too bright, are you?" Seifer pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. "Did you even bother to ask Rinoa when she and I dated?"
"All she said was during the summer."
Seifer shook his head and took a drag from his cigarette. Blue smoke billowed out into the air and I frowned.
"When did you start smoking?"
"I just started." He flicked off the ashes and looked at me. "Besides, aren't you and Rinoa together?"
". . . Not anymore," I answered.
"How come?"
". . . Because of you," I whispered.
Emerald Green eyes widened in shock. Then Seifer shook his head and returned his gaze to the blue ocean.
"How can you still love me?" he asked. "I've been nothing but a dick to you. The last time we spoke, I called you a slut and said I never loved you. Then, I tried to kill you." He glanced at me sideways. "I don't get it."
"You're the only one who understands me," I said. "The others kept trying to change me. You're the only one who has accepted me for who I am."
Seifer snorted. "And I'm the only one who has tried to kill you."
I frowned as Seifer continued to repeat those words. Judging by his answer to my question about him wanting to kill me, it seems like he never wanted to do it. Which meant, I should have followed my heart when I realized Seifer wasn't the same Seifer.
"Seifer . . . was Ultimecia manipulating you?"
"How the fuck should I know? It was my dream to serve as the Sorceress' Knight - that's why I spent so much time in the library. I was researching. All I did was follow her orders," he said. "but when I said I wouldn't hurt you . . ." he shook his head. "I don't know . . . maybe she was fucking with me. Who knows?"
". . . I'm sorry." Guilt overwhelmed me. I should have known - I should have followed my heart. Seifer never wanted to hurt me; he was being controlled.
"Don't start that shit," Seifer said, his voice lowering. "You couldn't have done anything about it."
Still . . .
"It was my dream to be a fucking puppet. You were nowhere in those plans. You didn't even know about it," he said. "So, you still want to be with me? Are you still in love with me?" There was a bitter smirk on his face, as if he expected me to walk away from him.
Instead, I said, "Yes."
Again, those green eyes widened in surprise.
"I still love you. I'll always love you." I looked at him straight in the eyes. "You're the only one I want."
The puzzled expression remained on his face. He looked at me as if I had sprouted another head. And then, he closed the distance between us, his strong arms wrapping around my waist.
His entire body was shaking. He had his face buried against my neck, and I could feel warm tears soaking into my skin.
I wrapped my arms around him in comfort, not saying anything. I let Seifer cry until his body stopped shaking and he slumped against me, me barely able to support his weight.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, over and over again. "I'm so sorry." Kisses were planted along the column of my neck. I closed my eyes and savored the warmth that was wrapped around me, never wanting to leave the cocoon of his arms.
"I love you." Seifer breathed the words against my ear. "I've always loved you." He took a step back to look at me, his arms still at my sides. "Lets start over." His eyes were red from his recent crying, but there was a genuine smile on his lips - something I hadn't seen in a long time.
An answering smile curved at my lips, before I closed the distance between us and we held each other. I lifted my face up towards his, and he leaned down to kiss me softly.
Our kiss was much like the first one we shared. Sensation flowed through me in a rush of love and warmth. When the kiss ended, I closed my eyes and nuzzled my cheek against his solid chest.
Breathing in deeply, the scent of him flooded my senses. The scent of love, warmth, and belonging.
I was home.
~ Owari ~
[1] That's actually pretty disgusting, but I didn't know how to describe their position any better.
[2] If you ever looked in the study panel, in the library section, there is an entry that states overdue books and books that just arrived. There was one book called, "Something, Something, The Sorceress' Knight". I'm assuming Seifer is the one who requested it.
AN: I'm sorry if this fic was hard to understand. This was the longest one-shot I have ever written . . . I hope it didn't seem to rushed and all over the place. ^^;;
~ Rain ~