Author's Notes: This was written just cuz I wanted to write sex. I didn't get to, Zell reared his ugly (not) head.

Don’t Do Drugs

By Drays Shorty

I need to get laid. I need to get laid.

A knock on the door brought Squall out of his reverie. Squall opened the door and stared. Seifer stood in front of him wearing only his trench coat, boxers, and some ugly purple socks.

Squall started to drool.

"Oh behave," Seifer said in a very bad imitation of Austin Powers.

"Ga... di... gagaa...kulee?"

"Yea yea, sure whatever, now let’s get to the good shit!" Seifer thrust his pelvis out at Squall suggestively.

Squall still couldn’t talk.

"Yea, baby! I’m going to shag you ~rotten~!"

Squall’s jaw dropped. He failed to notice the glassy expression on Seifer’s face.

"O-okay?" He managed to choke out.

"Great! You’re overdressed, let me help you with that!" Seifer grabbed Squall and threw him in the dorm and closed the door behind him. He stared at Squall wolfishly.

I’m gonna get laid! I’m gonna get laid! Squall smiled to himself.

Seifer hoisted Squall up and dropped him on the couch. He then sat on Squall’s feet, helping him out of his furry bolero jacket. The jacket was thrown on the floor and forgotten. Next went the shirt.

"Ooooooo... Pretty," said Seifer looking down Squall’s chest. He leaned down and captured Squall’s lips in his own. Squall opened his mouth to give Seifer better access. He slipped his tongue inside the blonde’s mouth. Seifer started pinching the smaller man’s nipples. Squall moaned into Seifer’s mouth. The blonde pulled away and smiled mischievously. He started a trail of kisses down Squall’s neck.

Seifer continued the fiery trail of kisses down past Squall’s collarbone until he found a nipple. He started sucking on it enthusiastically, eliciting a moan from the brunette.

"Seifer... " Squall moaned, "That feels... .So good."

Seifer playfully nipped at the nub of flesh before moving to the other nipple and repeating his actions. Seifer looked up at Squall and grinned.

He slid up Squall’s body and softly pressed his lips to the smaller man's, running his tongue along the lower lip that barred his progress. Squall responded eagerly to the kiss, their tongues warred for dominance, and Squall finally forfeited to Seifer and just enjoyed it.

A few minutes later, Seifer broke off the kiss and said, "Smashing, baby!!!"

Squall stared dumbly for a minute, before throwing his arms around Seifer’s neck and kissing him fiercely.

"Oooooooh... you taste like strawberries," he said when the kiss ended.

"Spank you berry mush," Seifer replied and proceeded to do just that. "This would be ~so~ much more fun if we were naked." He remarked.

"... Whatever."

Seifer rolled his eyes. "Riiiiiiiight... anyway..." Seifer busied himself with their clothes and soon the garments lay forgotten with the shirt and jacket.

"~MUCH~ bett-" he was cut off abruptly by Squall leaning up and kissing him wetly on the mouth, starting a path along his lower jaw, and moving down his neck with wet open-mouthed kisses. Squall starting grinding his hips in rhythm with Seifer’s creating a ~wonderful~ friction.

"Aaahh!" Seifer gasped, thrusting with equal force. When he was almost on the edge, he grabbed Squall’s hips and stopped his movements.

"Not yet," said Seifer seductively. He licked a wet trail down his torso, dipping his tongue into Squall’s navel. He worked his way down and nuzzled his face in the chocolate-colored hairs he found. Seifer raised his head and drank the sight that was Squall.

Seifer swirled his tongue around the tip of Squall’s erection. The smaller man moaned in appreciation. The blonde plunged his head down, taking Squall to the hilt, and sucked fervently. Squall came with a loud groan.

"Oh gods, Seifer!"

"HOLY SHIT!!!!!"

Zell stood there in shock, I mean, all he’d wanted to do was to ask if Squall would order more hotdogs, but this? This was just ~too~ much.

Seifer looked up dazedly while a suspicious looking trail of white fluid dripped from the corner of his mouth.

"Uh... huh." Zell couldn't find the words to describe what he had just seen.

Squall’s face popped up above Seifer’s shoulder and began to softly lick the back of Seifer’s neck.

"NO. NO! STOP RIGHT THERE!!!" Zell shrieked.

Seifer twitched. The aforementioned glassy expression was gone, replaced with one of horrified realization.

"OH MY GOD!" He leapt away from Squall and smacked into the far wall. He realized he was naked. "OH MY GOD I’M NAKED!" He quickly covered himself with his hands. He realized he was in Squall’s room. "OH MY GOD I’M NAKED IN SQUALL’S ROOM!" He then realized that Squall was also naked. "OH MY GOD I’M NAKED IN SQUALL’S ROOM AND HE’S NAKED TOO!" He realized he had cum on his face. "OH MY GOD I’M NAKED IN SQUALL’S ROOM, HE’S NAKED TOO AND I HAVE CUM ON MY FACE!" Not wanting to take the blame for any of this, Seifer turned to Squall with a look of pure venom. "You tricked me didn’t you?!?! You drugged me and had sex with me!"

"Don’t be so quick to blame me, Seifer! Why would I want to be with ~you~ of all people!?!?!"

Zell just shook his head in confusion. "I don’t care who drugged who, I just want to forget all this and just act like I never walked in, in the middle of your, uh... your little love nest!"

Seifer fed up with all of this, did what any normal person would do, and passed out, but before he did he muttered, "I will ~never~ do ecstasy again!"

Zell tried to inconspicuously leave, but failed miserably.

Squall grabbed Zell’s throat and shoved him up against the wall.

"If ~ANYONE EVER~ finds out about this, I’ll stick my foot so far up your ass, you could clip my toenails with your ~teeth~!!! You’ll be WISHING you were in Hell by the time I’m through with you!!!!!!!"

By the time Squall finished his tyrade, Zell had peed himself twice.

Squall then forcibly ejected Zell from his room.

And that, my friends, was that.


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