DISCLAIMER: I own the plot. I also own the story, even if I don't own the charaters. Stleaing this will piss me off and make me cry.
DEDICATION: To Carolyn-chan, for letting me know that some bitch had illegally MST-ed one of my stories and then emailing them about it. *grins* Isn't she amazing?
FEEDBACK: Is nice, is requested, will earn you my love.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm really not in the mood to be posting/writing any stories right now, but I figured I'd better send this anyways before Gems-sama kills me and puts my poor poor head on a stick as an example. So here it is, but this is my last fic for awhile. I'm not feelin' too confident in my writing at the moment. Well, I'm feeling less confident than usual. Way less confident. BTW, the title is Latin for Grant Us Peace.
Dona Nobis Pacem
I'm sorry, everyone. I've let you all down. Again. I don't think you know it though.
I don't know how I've managed to last this long. By all rights, I should be dead.
But I'm not. Why?
He dropped the razor, white plastic handle clattering against the floor.
His arm was stinging; he barely felt it. As the blood began to seep out, it got better.
The pain increased; the red calmed him. He watched it run down his forearm, a slow and steady trail.
I'm sorry everyone.
Zell banged on the door, irritated.
"C'mon, you ass, what the hell ya' doin' in there?" He called in, pausing his knocking.
Inside, Irvine threw his hat on, his coat hurriedly being pulled on. The rough leather created a delicious burning in his arm as he moved.
He opened the door, frowning. "What the fuck d'ya want? I'm busy."
"Jerkin' off doesn't count. Let me in."
"Later. I'm busy, like I told ya!"
"Irvine, what the fuck are you doing that can't wait 5 minutes while I talk to you?"
"...Nothing. Fine, 5 minutes."
Zell walked into the dorm, sitting on the couch. He pulled Irvine down next to him, grasping his still slightly bleeding left arm.
"Fuck..." Irvine said under his breath.
"What's wrong?" Zell asked, frowning.
"Nothing, nevermind, it doesn't matter."
"Bullshit. Let me look at it."
"No, it's fine."
"No it's not! What did you do to it?"
"NOTHING! I TOLD YOU, IT'S FINE! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Zell jumped back. He frowned deeper, a stubborn look on his face. "Let. Me. See."
"No!" Irvine clutched his right arm to his chest. "It's fine! I'm fine!"
Zell's patience broke. "Sleepel!"
Irvine paused for a second before falling numbly to the ground, asleep.
"Shit, I hope he doesn't hate me for that."
Zell managed to lift Irvine, laying him down on the couch. The he began tugging at his coat, swearing.
Finally, after some time, Zell managed to get Irvine's coat off. His eyes widened as he looked at Irvine's bloodied arm.
"Fuck, Irvine! What the hell are you doing to yourself?!?"
Zell ran to the small bathroom, grabbing a washcloth, some soap, and (after running back to the kitchen) a bowl of warm water.
He hurried set to cleaning the reddened cuts, wiping away the blood that began to flow as he re-opened them while cleaning.
"Shit, why couldn't you talk to someone instead of doing this to yourself? Don't you think we'd worry? God, you such a stupid prick!!"
Zell continued ranting until he had thoroughly cleaned all of Irvine's self-inflicted wounds, including the old ones that were in various stages of healing.
The frown that had been set on his face the entire time he had been ranting at Irvine now disappeared as he looked down at the sleeping cowboy.
"Even if you are an idiot, you're still as kawaii as always. But I never knew you were so fragile... Why didn't you tell us? We would do anything to help you. I would do anything to help you." Zell paused. "I like ya Irvine, so you'd better not go and kill yourself on me!"
Grinning, he cast a dispel on Irvine, and then walked into the small kitchen to make some tea.
"Zell, you BASTARD!" Irvine yelled, jumping up from where he lay on the couch. The world turned dizzy as it righted itself in his gaze. "Shit... remind me to never do that again," he said to himself.
Zell walked into the living room, where Irvine was standing. As he set the tray bearing their tea down, he felt glares of daggers shooting into his back.
"Are you okay?" Zell asked. Suddenly turning sheepish, he blushed. "Ano... Sorry about putting you to sleep, but it was your own fault! Why didn't you tell anyone something was wrong?"
Irvine snorted angrily. "Yeah, like I'm just going to go up to you or Squall and just lay out on the table every one of my weaknesses and fears?"
"Why not?" Zell asked quietly.
"Why not? Why the hell not? Because Squall's a fucking iceberg and you are too caught up in your happy little delusional world that there is no room for anyone else!"
Zell blinked. "What? What do you mean? 'Happy little delusional world'?!?"
"You know what I mean. You're always so happy and oblivious to anything around you. Do you even feel anything but constant happiness? Have you ever felt anything that has lasted more than a brief fleeting moment?"
Zell's eyes flashed with pain, before being replaced with slow-burning anger. "Irvine, you'd better shut up right now. Do you even realize what you're saying? Don't you think we've all been worrying about you, about Squall, hell, even about Seifer? We've all been through so much shit, and you can't even see, can you?"
Irvine sat down on the couch heavily, leaning his head back to rest on the back of the couch.
Zell sat down next to him, tears welling up in marine blue eyes. "Shit, Irvine, we all care about you..."
Irvine lifted his head, and looked Zell in the eyes. "Dona Nobis Pacem..." //Please, someone, grant us peace. We all need it.//
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