Squall blinked twice, rubbing a bleary hand across his eyes. That banging on his door-- sounded really familiar. Gloved fists made a unique sort of sound against Garden timber. But, nah, it couldn't be him, really. It was the crack of dawn, he'd never been a morning person. And Squall hadn't seen him for years. Well, really only a few months, but GFs skew your time sense like there's no tomorrow. Yesterday. Whatever.
Well, maybe it really WAS him.
Zell stirred awake beside Squall, hauling blankets up over his blond head and hiding beneath the pillows. "Zit yrrex? Hellzee want? Makeimgoway."
Squall sighed, fearing that he could translate that gibberish Zell-sleep-speak all too well. He shoved at his lover's shoulder, but there was no budging Zell. So that meant HE had to open the door, and see what brought the trenchcoated nutcase back to Garden.
He opened the door a crack, wincing when the bright hallway light streamed in his room. Zell, behind him, moaned a little. But the most golden thing about the aforementioned hallway was the man who stood there, right in front of Squall's door. Like RIGHT in front, a severe infringement of Squall's personal space.
Squall cleared his throat, but Seifer didn't seem to notice that their noses were less than two inches apart. "Um," Squall said cleverly. Seifer was positively SHINING, a glow off his radiant hair, his eyes afire, his-- Squall made a face. Fuck, it really WAS early, wasn't it. He was hallucinating. Seifer hadn't been that happy since the chocobo sweater vest incident.
"Squall!" Seifer forced the door the rest of the way open, looped an arm around Squall's shoulders. The man in question flinched, expecting another scar, at the very least. "Seifer?" His voice was pathetically wobbly; he cleared his throat again and spoke in what he hoped was a manful manner. "Seifer. W-what brings you here?"
But Seifer had practically pranced across the room to where Zell lay. Squall furtively kicked his latest Swimsuit edition of Guns & Ammo under the bed, after all, there are some things one doesn't show even one's oldest rival.
"Chicken-wuss!" Seifer hugged Zell enthusiastically (no small task considering Zell was still lying down and with pillows pulled tight over his head). "So good to see you!"
That earned a response, a tentative Zell-head poking up from underneath the mass of bedding. "What? Squall-- Squall, I think he's gone nuts."
Seifer seemed to regain some of his composure. "Zell," he said, inclining his head politely, "and Squall--" Seifer giggled. Squall stared. "Aw, fuck, Squall!" He hugged him hugely, trenchcoat flapping around Squall's ankles as Seifer enthused. "I just wanted to tell you first. I mean, God, man, I know this is the last thing ANYbody expected, including ME, Hyne knows, but just WOW did I ever want to BRAG, 'cause I'm one step ahead of you as always, you Leonhart brat." He looked smug, shoving Squall in the shoulder in an oddly familiar gesture of friendly competition.
Zell and Squall exchanged glances, equally baffled.
"You've won the lottery," Zell guessed.
"A great-aunt of yours died and left you a gazillion gil?" Squall hazarded.
"NOnonono," Seifer was exasperated, "You're all wrong. You've got entirely the wrong idea. This is SO much better you can't even imagine it. I-- great-aunt? How would I even know if I HAD a great-aunt? But anyway. Ahem. I," he said, eyes narrowing and within kissing distance of Squall's chocobo-in-the-headlights dazed smile. "I. Am. Going. To be... A Daddy."
Zell recovered first, erupting into laughter that handfuls of blankets could not muffle. "'Daddy?'" he parroted. "Paterfamilias, you mean. Holy shit, dude. You're going to have a kid??"
Seifer was unphased, taking Zell's hand and shaking it. Actually shaking it. He struck a pose, looking imposing. "YES, a father. IMPERATOR," he intoned, and cracked up again. "Ain't it GRAND? There's going to be a little ME running around!"
Zell shook his head. "A little PSYCHO," he murmured. "You do realize that your kid'll be as fucking messed up as you are?"
Seifer was beatific. "Won't it be awesome?"
Squall surfaced from his stupor. "You haven't told Fuujin and Raijin yet? Don't you think they'll be a little--"
Seifer had one hand on either side of Squall's face before Squall knew what hugged him. "You dimwit, Leonfart, I didn't HAVE to tell Fuujin. SHE told ME. And we haven't told Raijin yet 'cause we know he won't give Fuu a MOMENT of peace... he'll baby her to death, ya know? But it's not like she's got a disease or nothin', it's only that she's--"
"Fuujin!" Squall was slow on the uptake. "Fuujin's having your baby?"
For a moment, as he nodded, Seifer looked positively dreamy, a vulnerable sweetness on his face. "Yeah. Uh, I mean, yes! Of course she is. What woman in her right mind wouldn't want to carry an Almasy under her heart?" Hand on his heart, Seifer looked the very picture of petrified paternity.
Zell was operating on much swifter cylinders than Squall. "You gonna marry her, dude? Kid should have a name, don'tcha think?"
Benevolently, Seifer held out a hand, grabbed Squall and pantomimed a wedding (though the bride may have looked a bit surly, held in such a wrestling grip). "I have already decided to. Fuujin needs a name as well-- so I thought I'd give them mine. Generous, nee?"
Squall, pinned as he was, rolled his eyes. "Generous," he said, with what little air was getting through his windpipe. "As usual, when it comes to your NAME." He wrested himself free, pointed unsubtly to his forehead. "You were generous enough to write your name on my FACE."
Seifer looked at him, almost confused. This wasn't the reaction he'd expected. Then again, he didn't know just what reaction he HAD expected-- but this wasn't it. Squall's eyes were dark. Behind them, Zell started laughing again. "Oh, I get it!" he said, as if someone had told a joke. He crawled out of the bed and padded towards Squall. "Squall, baby, you jealous?"
Squall looked away, too quickly. "Course not. My ex boyfriend can get married whenever he wants." Maybe he realized just how stupid he sounded, for he added lamely, "I mean, YEAH."
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