Author's Notes: I’m still working of Enigmatic Hatred but I had to take a short break. This is my first songfic so don’t be too brutal. I also haven’t played the game for a while so I might have taken a few liberties with the order of events. Something else I would like to point out is that this fic switches times periods and the order of flashbacks constantly. Yes, I meant to do that it might just be a bit hard to follow. I hope that doesn’t change your opinion. Please review though but please, no flames. I can take criticism but flames help no one. I might be writing a follow - up songfic to this based on your reviews. I hope this isn’t too disappointing to the few readers it might attract. The song is “Creep” by Radiohead. It is a wonderful song by a wonderful band if you haven’t already heard it.


By Shade

Time compression. It was needlessly confusing. Nothing but blurs of color and movement around a single, still piece of dry ground. Seifer stood in the center of this, watching his spinning surroundings, with an unusual calm. If he should get lost here and never be able to return to the ‘real world...Well...that would be fine by him. What was there to go back to? He certainly wouldn’t be welcomed home with open arms. A hint of pain crossed his face at the thought of this but he merely gripped his Hyperion a bit more firmly and took several determined steps forward. At this the world glided to a whirling stop, causing Seifer to loose his balance.

The young man stumbled forward, holding out one hand as he fell and managing to catch himself on something cold an metal “Ah-” he dropped his Hyperion down for support and straightened. This place was certainly familiar but where was it? It took a moment for his head to clear and at last he managed to focus his eyes upon what he had fallen against.

When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye

“Don’t you think he’s had enough?”

Seifer shrugged, barely casting so much as a glance to his rivals body, hanging limp against the wall “He’s unconscious so I guess there isn’t any reason to waste electricity. Leave him there-” he turned and left the room.


Seifer backed away from the chains on the wall as this uninvited surge of visible memories came. His footsteps caused a metallic echo, that resonated down the halls and then down a steep drop as he came to the barrier near the elevator. He didn’t slow immediately, catching the metal gate with gloved hands and doubling over it a bit so that he could take several deep breaths. A few muttered curses escaped his lips and he shook his head. This was all just an illusion. The D - District prison had been destroyed. He wouldn’t allow himself to become caught up in it. It wasn’t real after all.

Without warning the world shifted slightly and the banister vanished. Seifer fell a good twenty feet though he couldn’t tell whether it had been up or down. All he knew was that the air quickly rushed from his lungs as he hit the ground “Agh-” Seifer propped himself up only to be walked through by a shadow of a human being. More like a ghost than a person really. He sat up, looking around the room curiously. It was still the prison but-He faced the opposite wall, twisting around to look at the bed in the corner.

“Still asleep?” Seifer came to a stop after crossing the rooms in few ‘self-important’ strides. Squall lie on the small bed, still unconscious. With no one to impress at the moment, Seifer took a seat at the edge of the mattress and looked to his prisoner with a sigh. He should probably wake him and reached out a hand to do so but that idea was soon forgotten as Seifer surveyed the young man’s face. He had been through a lot right? But he looked so damn peaceful right now. His hand was withdrawn after a brief hesitation and he removed a glove “I guess this is all my fault huh?” he placed a hand to the other’s cheek, surprisingly gentle as he tilted the other’s head. Jade green eyes moved from Squall’s lips, to the scar he had given him, to the shape of his face.

You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry

“Probably dreaming-” he frowned “And I’m talking to myself. Oh well, that isn’t stopping me. I have a lot on my mind Squall and I want to tell someone but I don’t really want anyone to listen-” he smirked but immediately this faded into an almost saddened expression “Like, what the hell am I doing here?” he looked away for a moment as if in thought “I know exactly what I’m doing but-agh-I feel like I’m loosing my mind Squall-” he looked back to his sleeping captive “Of course you wouldn’t care. You didn’t notice- You never notice’s probably on purpose...”

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world

“But I didn’t really want you to I guess-” he leaned forward, kissing Squall’s lips lightly. He pulled back just as quickly, seeming a bit annoyed “You’re all I think about lately. You’re the reason I’m loosing it now and it’s all your fault that I’m here in the fucking first place!” the last bit was hissed, he still didn’t want to wake him but- “How could I ever measure up to the Ice Prince?” he stood, the question coming in a mocking, sneering tone.

I wish I was special

“I’d taken that exam over and over and-” put his head in his hands shaking it with each word before he dropped them away and pointed to Squall accusingly. He truly was loosing himself “On your first try. A star SEED. I had to make a name for myself! There’s no comparing to you being the angst-driven ‘good guy’. So what if what I’m doing is wrong? At least people know who I am!”

You're so fucking special

“You know what?” He removed his other glove and his coat throwing both to the ground “Enough of this talking to myself. I don’t care if you do wake up-” He climbed onto Squall’s mattress once more and moved over him. He wasted no time pulling the young man up and snatching off his jacket. He tossed this to the ground as well, brushing his hair back before sliding a hand up the brunette's shirt.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

Squall’s body was lean and lithe, just as he had imagined it would be “Every night,” every fucking night he had thought of Squall, having him. Such dreams had increased in number while he was away. He could hardly think of anything else anymore...but not like this...It wasn’t supposed to be like this!

What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

“I don’t have any choice Squall,” he sounded desperate with an certain apologetic quality to his voice. But that didn’t change anything, did it? He knew that. He just simply didn’t care anymore.

He removed Squall’s shirt completely then his own. Without pausing he removed boots and unfastened the SEED’s pants, allowing him to drop back down before pulling them off. Squall woke as he fell back against his pillow and opened his eyes drowsily though he took nothing in “Huh?” The first thing that came to mind was how cold he was and then that he was nude. Realizing someone else was there he opened his mouth to cry out but Seifer was there first, snatching his pillow and covering the boy’s face.

I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control

There were several strangled, muffled cries and his arms lashed out. Seifer didn’t attempt to restrain his arms, taking several blows against the chest and jaw until at last they weakened. One hand slowed as it slipped away from Seifer’s face, unintentionally tracing the scar it had created long ago. Seifer tensed slightly for a moment suddenly feeling as though he might break down and cry.

I want a perfect body

“It’s not supposed to be like this-” he whispered, sure Squall couldn’t hear him “Not the way I wanted it to happen. But this is the only way I can have you-”

I want a perfect soul

He threw the pillow away and scooped Squall up as he was still gasping for air. Roughly he forced him onto his stomach. Squall seemed too weak to retaliate and merely took quick, gasping breaths as Seifer held him down with one hand. The touch was firm enough to leave bruises, Seifer made sure that the squirming figure below him stay there as he removed his own shoes and pants “You just went on with the missions Cid give you like I never left. You didn’t even care-” he received no response, no confirmation that Squall had heard him.

I want you to notice, when I'm not around

Seifer wrapped an arm around Squall’s middle the other keeping his head down as he moved lower “You’ll remember me for this right?” He smirked, thrusting his hips down and pressing the young man’s head back against the mattress to muffle his cries.

You're so fucking special

His movements were deep and rough, as if he was finding a grim satisfaction in Squall’s strained whimpers and words of protests. He clawed at the sheets, desperately trying to break away “Don’t move, you’re only making it worse-”

I wish I was special


Seifer reeled away from the sight and staggered to his feet.

But I'm a creep,

. He didn’t want to watch the rest. He couldn’t, not again.

I'm a weirdo

Seifer looked away , squeezing his eyes shut for good measure. Why was this happening again?

What the hell am I doing here?

He stood then, looking around desperately. He merely stumbled forward at first then began to move faster.

Seifer ran. He made it out of the room and into a dark stretch of hallway he didn’t recall. It didn’t matter. He had to get out of here before- The hallway opened up, light filling in the darkness, then grass, flowers. A garden? He stopped and looked up then, the wind immediately catching his jacket as the darkness receded quickly “Squall-”

She's running out again...

Squall was indeed there but Rinoa was with him. Rinoa. She held Squall in her arms, a satisfied smile worn upon her face. Seifer backed away slightly, his heart began to beat painfully beneath his chest. But why? He had treated Squall horribly. Even he knew that. Rinoa deserved him. She had never done a thing to harm him and...he...

She's running out, she'

It was too much, at least right now. He was sure they were real but he didn’t call out to them. They wouldn’t want to see him anyway. He backed away a bit more. Another step followed this one and then another. He didn’t realize the hallway had vanished until it was too late. Once more he found himself falling but this time he didn’t care. At least he was away from “Squall,” he struck the ground hard, landing on his back. He remained where he was, only tilting his head back in a pained motion at the sound of his own voice. He was back. It certainly served him right. There was no option but to see this through. Slowly he got back to his feet, ultimately giving up as he watched himself from an uncomfortably short distance.

Seifer finished and slowly pulled away. He glanced to Squall indifferently. He had really given no sort of response. Even a sound ‘I hate you’ would have satisfied Seifer. Now he stood, taking his pants from the floor and pulling them on. It was only then that he realized Squall hadn’t moved at all. He merely lie there, sobbing. Seifer scowled. Did that idiot even care about who had done this to him?

Seifer rushed forward, climbing back onto the bed. He noticed Squall wince as he moved back over him but chose to ignore it. Instead he simply rolled him onto his back once more. Squall flinched at the touch and at the harsh shove that had moved him into this position. Slowly and with a clear hint of reluctance he opened his eyes and- “Seifer!” He gasped, his teary eyes growing wide in realization. but only for a moment He still seemed tired, much drowsier than before “That was you-” Seifer said nothing and instead began to move away. Squall, however caught his arm, sitting up a bit. He quickly lie back down, realizing how sore this had made him “Just stay with me until I wake up, all right?”

It was Seifer’s turn to be surprised this time. He came a bit closer, his expression a little less hardened and cold “Stay with you until what?”

“Until I wake up-” Squall repeated, his voice laced with heavy fatigue “I know this is a dream. I was just dreaming a while ago and I’m still dreaming now. Seifer’s with Edea right now. I’m sure they’re nowhere near the Garden and that’s where I am, right?”

He didn’t remember? Of course not. His arrival here had been quite sudden and-”You‘re not-” he cut himself off quickly. ”So these sort of nightmares are common then?”

Squall shook his head “This was the worst...They’ve never been like this before now...” he slipped his hand into Seifer’s and drew it close so that he could kiss the fingertips and bring it to rest at the side of his face. Seifer’s presence had relaxed him. This caused him to be much calmer than before.

Whatever makes you happy

“They haven’t?” Seifer’s voice wavered. He didn’t dare move, watching Squall with a mixture of shock and sadness.

“No-” he released Seifer’s hand, rolling back onto his stomach, prepared to go back to sleep “Much gentler-”

Whatever you want

Seifer watched Squall doze off. He had been prepared for at least verbal beating but this. Squall had thought of him then? Not just as a something close to a friend but-He hadn’t said anything. He had only spoken now because he so tired, probably delirious from a lack of oxygen and-Hyne what had he done?

You're so fucking special

In the morning Squall would wake up and realize it hadn’t been a dream at all. Seifer buried his face in his hands. This was all his fault-

I wish I was special

He could have had him. If he had only waited, if he hadn’t become the Sorceresses’ Knight, if he hadn’t-

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

“Hyne Squall, I’m sorry,” he felt guilty and sick, not worthy to lie down beside Squall. He did anyway, wrapping his arms around the brunette as he absently, snuggled closer for warmth. His head rested upon Seifer’s bare chest. Seifer placed a hand to the back of the young man’s head and gently ran his fingers through Squall’s hair. This would never happen again. Not when Squall came to his senses. Thus he stayed there for at least an hour, until he knew some henchman of a lower rank would come looking for him soon.

Seifer watched himself stand and wipe away tears he later refused to admit he had shed. He watched as he dressed Squall once more then pulled on the rest of his own clothes. Before leaving his cool, collected expression returned albeit with some difficulty. By the time he left it was impossible to tell what had happened.

Squall had never said a word about it afterwards. Seifer assumed he would prefer to forget what had happened or was too embarrassed by what he had said after the act to mention it. But that didn’t change the truth that it had happened. Seifer found himself close to tears again.

What the hell am I doing here?

He had to get out of this room. He had to leave this place now. All he wanted was to forget everything again. To go on ignoring the past. Squall did. Why couldn’t he? “It’s over! Just let me go back already!”

I don’t belong here

No one was listening. He knew that but Time Compression on how he was beginning to panic. The room began to spin now. It was faster than before and Seifer doubled over, finding it harder and harder to breathe. He sobbed with what little breath he could manage and this only intensified the darkness spreading over immediate field of vision. At last he lost consciousness and collapsed. He deserved nothing better.

...I don’t belong here...

“What’s that?” Squall pulled away from Rinoa who was clearly startled by the action.

“What?” She asked. There was a hint of irritation in her voice. She was prepared to follow but some shouting from behind caused he to move the other way “Hey, it’s the others! Hurry, Squall, we can get out this way,” Rinoa hurried out the opening as Squall came to stop at the far edge of the field.

“Seifer!” He dropped to his knees quickly, checking the man’s pulse.


He glanced back to the opening to find Selphie and Zell motioning for him to come along “Coming!” As carefully as he could he pulled Seifer over his shoulder and moved across the field at a slow but steady pace to meet with everyone on the other side.

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