A/N: Totally off the top of my head, you guys are the first to see this. Sorry if it jumps, I've had too much sugar.
One additional note....have I ever mentioned I suck at Lemons? Well...you're about to get proof. :-D

Coldest Heart

By The Wandering Englishman

The ocean. So calm, so beautiful. I remember when I was little and living at the orphanage I would just watch it; even after Matron had called us inside. I always wanted to be a part of it. It was always so cold during winter...yet I would swim for hours, relishing the feel of the salted water on my skin.

And then I left the comfort of my sea. The warmth I felt from being near it tore me in two, and I let myself become as cold as the icy depths themselves. Sure, Balamb was close to the beach, but the water wasn't the same. It was warm, and to me it felt artificial.

Sure, I tried to get used to it. But the water burned me; almost as if it hated me in some way. When I was given Shiva, I almost felt home. She filled my veins with the ice I so desired, and I felt like I could almost watch the ocean again.

I was 15 when they started with the names. "Leonhearless" and the "Ice prince." They thought it was funny. Really, so did I since it was true. Never once did I open up to someone while I was at garden. Shiva made my blood freeze, but it was me who froze my heart.

Sure there were those who tried to get past the icy exterior, but they gave up when they found that there was just more ice below the surface; thicker and colder. There was only one who could get the ice to thaw a little...you know who he is.

He made my blood boil.

But no matter how hard he tried, he never melted my heart. It was just aout the sex for both of us. Both trying to go one better than the other; seeing who would break first. He was the one who made the ice crack...

Hey, don't look at me like that. I'm just telling you...

After the neo-sorceress war, I left Garden. I left my friends, Rinoa...who, let's face it, was a clingy little tramp who had me under her spell. I needed to get away from her...I needed to straighten myself out.

So I travelled, and ended up here. Back home. My real home. You were so thin when I saw you...you're lucky you weren't dinner for the Fastitocalon. Oh, did someone mention food, huh? I haven't even gotten to the good bit yet...

Fine, here, have some of my sandwich. I'll give you more when we're back at the house.

Anyway...I was working on the house here, fixing it up when I got a visitor. Scared the living Hyne out of me. He was just standing in the doorway watching as I piled another stone into place.

He gave me the silent treatment, which is fucking annoying...you never notice it until someone else gives it to you. He spent a couple of days watching over you...while I did all the hard work. Probably thought the best way to me would be through you...and then I dropped a rock on my damned foot. Broke it instantly.

And the bastard laughed.

But, gotta give him credit, he did help me....a lot. He actually had a potion; I hadn't bought one in at least a year. And then he started doing the work for me...which is when I began to notice.

It was warm outside, about 25...Shiva still junctioned though, I didn't really feel the external temperature. But he...with his shirt off...Hyne, it was the hottest thing I'd ever seen. It was all Shiva could do to keep my temperature down...

I must have been broken...because we actually talked that night. You're giving me that look again...I talk! I mean, I am to you, aren't I?

He babbles. Especially after 2 burbon's.

He wouldn't shut up...so I stood up; he didn't even notice I'd done it until I kissed him. My tounge darting in his shock-slacked mouth just to make sure the hint got across. But I never expected it to be like it was.


I think Shiva went and packed her bags about then. I pulled back after a moment and just looked at him: he looked like he'd just been hit by a bus, but before I could do anything more, he pulled me down and kissed me again.

We only kissed for a minute before he pushed me off him. He ran off...I haven't seen him since. Have you? No...I didn't think so. You miss him too, don't you? We've sat here long enough, come on boy...let's go back home.

Laguna paced up and down the lighthouse room, his mind reeling from the events of 3 days ago. He looked down at his makeshift bed beneath the dormant globe. It looked so cold and opressive in the light from the windows of the now overcast Centran coast.

Three nights ago he was warm. He had a bed and company from both Seifer and Squall. He smiled lightly at the name Squall had given the small golden retriever he'd found on the beach half starved.

At least it was proof that Squall could still actually feel.

But Hyne, Hadn't the kiss been proof enough too?

"Fuck!" The greying man called, slamming his fist against the stone wall. He had come here to tell him something. When he couldn't find him after they defeated Adel he had to beg and plead with Quistis, Selphie, Zell....even Seifer to find out where the hell he was.

And then he went and fucked up any chance of actually developing a proper relationship with his son.

His son had kissed him...

...And he had kissed him back. And damn him if he didn't like it.

It was wrong. He was wrong.

So why the hell did he want to do it again?

Hyne he was sick. He should be committed. Killed for what he was thinking. It wasn't natural. He was Squall's father for Hyne's sake...

Avoiding him wasn't helping the matter. The ache in his heart wasn't lessening at all. Absence makes the heart grow fonder...Laguna never knew how much he hated that saying until now.

When Squall had pressed his lips against his, he could remember the soft feel of them enveloping his bottom lip, nibbling on it as his own mouth opened automatically. The thoughts of days past flitting through his head as his son's tongue tangled with his own.

He remembered standing at the door to the old orphanage; Squall bending over to pick up another heavy stone. The muscles in his back, his legs and his leather-covered ass all shifting to help with the weight of the stone. He stood there dumbstruck, staring in awe at the beauty in front of him. Words escaping him as the beginnings of a cramp flared up in his leg.

He wanted to ask the young man who he was when the sweating youth turned around; the scarred face and cold grey eyes all too familiar. It was him.

He spent the next few days not saying anything, afraid that he would blurt out all the wrong things. He could just imagine the look on Squall's face.

"I'm your Dad, sorry I haven't been around, you're really hot and I've wanted you for the last three days."

Yeah, he could see that going over quite well. There was one thing that still bugged him though. Why had Squall kissed him?

He wasn't gay. Squall didn't look the least bit gay...sure he could make grown men weep in lust, but he was straight. He was sure of it. For Laguna's sake, he had to be.

The second storey was rickety. The termite infested lode beams making the whole building unstable. Squall had been working, trying to get the boards and stones from the top half of the building before the completely fell apart.

From the hole in the floor, he could see Seifer scratching behind his ear. He'd treat the fleas next time he went to Ormond, the first town on Centra since anyone could remember...but that would have to wait until the end of the month. He smiled at the dog, who quickly jumped from the floor to chase his tail.

Squall held his head down, closing his eyes, remembering the time when he used to be happy like that. When the simplest things would entertain him; where the only emotions he could show were disinterest, anger and utter bliss.

Looking over the wall, he could see the waves. The usually calm waters of the sea were choppy; a chilled wind blowing from it and through the house in gusts. It seemed that the ocean was his heart. And at the moment, a storm was raging.

A cough sounded from below him, causing Squall to open his eyes.


"Squall, there's something I have to tell you..." He sounded remorseful. Why would he, he did nothing wrong...it was him who kissed the older man in the first place.

"I'm sorry, Laguna." Squall said hastilly, wanting to get that in before the greying man spoke. "I shouldn't have done it. I....I"m just not used to...just sorry." Laguna looked up, giving the younger man a confused look.

He stepped forward, clearing his throat. "Squall...I'm your father." He said as calmly as possible, his face pinching in pain. Another cramp, Squall guessed as the words actually hit him, causing the leather-clad youth to go pale. His jaw must have been wide open when Laguna continued,

"I...I want you Squall. It's...a little hard for me to explain...but...can you accept me? Give me a chance...? I know it's wrong and illegal...but...you kissed me...so I was thinking..."

"I...I'm sorry." Squall managed, his voice like a mouse over the approaching storm. "I can't. Damn him for letting the crack get so big.

Laguna felt his heart split in two.

"I...I'm sorry, Squall. I know it wasn't what you wanted to hear. I'll go." Laguna whispered loud enough for the ex-SeeD to hear before turning around. He knew it....he fucking knew it! He shouldn't have said anything....maybe it would have worked out then? If he hadn't of told him that they were related...the president shook his head. He'd never know now...

His Dad...he had kissed his own father. He had wanted his own father...Hyne. The thought of it made his skin crawl. The thoughts he had for the man...the feelings. A week and the ice prison he had put his heart into at such a young age had melted. He actually felt for him...Shit.

But that didn't change the fact it was illegal. He would never be forgiven. He would never forgive himself...

He never saw the beam give way.

Squall lost his footing on the boards and fell with little more than a sigh. Falling backwards, the 10 foot drop seemed short lived, as black overtook him.

Seifer ran. Faster than he ever had before in his life, pausing only briefly to make sure he was still on the right path. He was lucky and greatful that Laguna had such a strong scent.

The door to the lighthouse was broken, making it easy for the blonde to sneak through one of the holes in the wooden entrance. He bounded up the stairs quickly and barked when the tall brunette came into view.

Laguna glanced briefly back at the dog and sighed.

"Sorry boy...he doesn't want me here."

Seifer chewed on the Presidents leg, pulling him back towards the stairs.

"I don't wanna play."

Seifer growled. Boy this Human was ignorant. He looked around the room for something that would make his old master follow and instantly honed in on the solitary blanket lining the old masters bed.

Seemingly grinning, Seifer latched onto the blanket and pulled it from the bed, dragging it downstairs.

"You little thief, bring that back!" He called, but Seifer kept running back to the main house where his young master lay.

There was so much blood. Laguna lifted the head from the dirt and pressed his shirt to the wound, hoping to stifle the bleeding. He'd lost a lot...Hyne, he probably wouldn't recover.

"Squall...I don't know if you can hear me...but you need to know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you; both as a son and as what we could be. I know it's wrong, and I'll go to hell for it...but I want you. I have forever. And if I lose you now, after only just finding you I'll die.

"Ellone never told you about Raine, did she. Your mother. She was a princess. A Queen...no, she was a Goddess, up there with Hyne herself. She was the only woman I ever truly loved. You would have loved her too, Squall. She was the kindest person you could ever meet.

"I stayed in Esthar when I found out she'd died. I just couldn't bear it. The thought of her dead, it made me rot inside. My heart became nothing but a cold lump of coal for the longest time. I never thought I'd love anyone again. And then there was you...

"You look so much like her, but you...you're so much more. You make me burn like the sun just by looking at me. But...You also warm me by smiling, by laughing....by just being you. I can't live without you, not now that I've known you...Hyne Squall, please...wake up."

The tears watering town his face were streams, masked only by the rain that was now falling into the open rooved area where the pair, and Seifer sat. Laguna couldn't help but swallow; his son's body already deathly cold.

He pulled Squall to his chest, the SeeD's arms and head rolling limply as Laguna held him tightly, rocking with him as a parent would do a child. Laguna couldn't even hear Squall breathing.

Laguna's eyues slid closed as he tried to will away the tears, but only suceeded in bringing more. He cursed himself for not being able to help the young man, wishing more than anything that he was able to somehow save his son from death.

Un-noticed, except by Seifer, appeared the naked blue form of Shiva, crying herself.

"Laguna." She called, her voice almost angelic. The President snapped his head up, taking in the familiar Gardian force before looking back down at Squall, his lips and skin taking on a blue tinge.

"He's dead, isn't he?"

Shiva nodded reluctantly.

"There is a way to save him." The creatures comment got the wanted attention.

"How?!" Laguna asked, frantically.

"It requires a sacrifice."


"From both of you?"

Laguna scrunched his eyebrows together. Could he make such a decision for Squall?

"What do you ask?"

"For my magic to work, I need memories. You cannot choose which ones..."

Is that all? Laguna wondered as he nodded his head frantically.

"Take care of him, Laguna." She ordered before the air around them all shifted. The world faded into darkness, leaving both Squall and Laguna in utter blackness.

Laguna blinked as a light formed in Squalls chest. A soft blue hue lighting up both his face and Laguna's own. Squall's chest and head lifted as the brunette took a sharp intake of breath. His lips and skin returning to the normal colour. The blue light quickly took form, in the shape of a pumping heart.

Squall's heart.

As the Younger man opened his eyes and looked at Laguna, the light changed from blue through to green to yellow and then to a fierce red, the pumping becomming faster.

"Your glowing." The youth commented, reaching out his hand to touch the light that was being emitted from Laguna's own heart.

Then the light and the dark was gone, leaving only Laguna and Squall on the double bed the SeeD had made his own months ago when he moved here. They looked at eachother, not knowing what to make of things as the greying mans hand came up and softly stroked the smaller boys face.

Both smiled at eachother before leaning in to kiss eachother, their tongues snaking out of their own accord; wrapping around eachother in the air before their mouths crashed together passionately.

Laguna ran his hands up the Lithe man's sides with the blunts of his fingers as he worked the shirt up his companions body. Whimpers filled the air , neither man knowing which one they came from.

As the older man removed Squall's shirt, he latched onto the rose coloured nipple, lashing at it with his tongue, causing the youth to arch at the contact, but leaving him wanting so much more.

"I love you..." He whispered as he dragged his tounge down Squall's chest and stomach. Laguna delighted at the squeals of utter pleasure coming from the boy as he licked out his navel, trying desperately to undo the leather pants the young man wore.

Laguna ran a hand over the tightly held bulge, eliciting a moan from Squall who's eyes were now closed tightly, his mouth open and ready to cry out at the slightest thing. The aura around Squall made him and the room glow, adding to the magic of the moment.

Squall gasped as the leather surrounding his arousal was removed and was replaced by the velvet heat of Laguna's mouth. Laguna looked up at Squall's face, watching the changes in the youthful man's expression as he swirled his toungue around the head, paying careful attention to the slit.

The soft whimpers soon turned to screams of pleasure as Laguna became more feverent in his pace; taking more and more into his mouth. Squall tossed his head from side to side, wanting to escape the intensity of the pleasure but wanting more at the same time.

"Hyne, stop...!" The horse cry came, Laguna's head instantly snapping up, and his mouth removed. Squall groaned in disappointment when the cool air hit his now moist erection. Laguna looked almost sad. Didn't he want it?

As if reading his mind, Squall looked at Laguna, his eyes half lidded in lust and grinned. He sat up and moved closer to Laguna, removing the older mans shirt and tossing it to the floor. He smirked mischeviously as he slammed his head against Laguna's mouth, ramming his tongue down his throat as Squall made hasty work on the presidents pants.

Once they dropped to the ground, Laguna kicked them away, Squall cupping the now freed arousal. He pulled his mouth away from Laguna's, moving it around to his ear and sucking on the lobe.

"Take me, Laguna...make love to me." The husky order came as Squall squeezed Laguna's penis tightly. Grinning with desire, Laguna flipped the boy over, placing a hand on both globes of his ass. So smooth....so perfect.

Laguna licked his lips, pressing his tongue against the opening presented to him. Squall yelped, bucking against the tongue, delighting in the feel. Moving his mouth away, Laguna sucked on two fingers before inserting them both together into Squall's opening.

Squall mewed and tried to push the fingers further into him as Laguna thrust them in and out, becomming harder at the sight where his fingers were being swallowed by Squall.

Once prepared, Laguna positioned himself behind Squall, kissing the boys scarred back.

"You ready?"

Squall could do nothing but nod as Laguna entered him, sending waves of pain and pleasure through him.

The feeling was incredible for Laguna. The tight white heat of the youth beneath him was...indescribable. The muscles were already constricting around him before he began to thrust slowly, trying to get a slow rhythm going. The groans from beneath him kept him going, the moans and whimpers making him go faster.

It was perfect. Something he had never felt with anyone else. It was the only word for it. In the midst of his thoughts, a hand snaked around of its own accord, taking Squall within its grasp, causing the scarred youth to gasp in surprise and pleasure.

Squall's calls became louder and louder as Laguna thrust in countersync with hand. Squall's body moving, trying to get the most friction he could. White spots were beginning to form behind his eyes as Squall concentrated on the feel of Laguna inside him.

Between short gasps and sharp groans, Squall called out Laguna's name like a Mantra. He came hard onto Laguna's hand and his stomach; his breath hitching and his body tightening as the white spots became a blinding flash of pure bliss. Laguna followed suit, gripping Squall tight enough to leave bruises on the porcelain flesh, filling the young man with his seed.

As they collapsed onto the bed, time slowed, the yellow aura around Squall becomming blinding with the sweat sheen now on his skin. Squall fell asleep quickly, the breathless "I love you" The only sound he made before slipping off into his slumber.

But Laguna was left wide awake, looking at the blue female standing at the end of the bed.

"It is done." She said calmly; the glow from Squall vanishing, along with the room. Laguna looked around his surroundings, finding himself in the lighthouse that had been his home for three days.

Shiva looked down at Laguna, smiling.

"What just happened?" Laguna asked, looking up at the blue goddess.

"You saved Squall's life."

"You're taking that away from both of us...aren't you?"

She nodded, the sound of ice chinking filling the room.

"As was your promise."

"You give us the most magical moment ever on Hynes Green Earth, and then you take it away?" He shouted to her, choking on his own tears. "What the hell am I meant to do now? I can't live like that..."

"You'll never know." She smiled, blowing a kiss in his direction; causing the greying president to fall into a dreamless sleep.


Sunshine woke the 42 year old, the radiant beams shining on his face through the large lighthouse windows. Yawning, he sat up, pulling on his shirt and pants before standing, heading for the stairs.

He was happy for some reason this morning, which was unusual,since he was not known to be a morning person. Well....at least not before coffee.

He made his way across the beach in his bare feet, delighting in the warmth of the golden sand as he scrunched his way to the orphanage.

When he opened the door, he was greeted by a smiling Squall, hammering away happily at looked to be a chair.

"I missed you this morning..."

"It's 4 in the afternoon, Laguna..."

Laguna looked at his watch and laughed. "So it is." The president beamed. "I had the strangest dream..."

Squall stopped hammering and looked up, curiously. "Oh?"


"What was it about?" The grey-eyed man asked, standing up and moving over to Laguna.

The greying man scoffed. "For the life of me I can't remember."

Squall placed a hand on Laguna's shoulder, pulling the man close before kissing him.

"It can't have been that important..." Squall said, after a moment before stepping back. "Now that you're awake, you can help me up stairs."

"...aww, but I just woke up." Laguna tried his best attempt at a pout, which just resulted in the both of them laughing.

"You'd better stop that, Laguna. You'll make Shiva jealous."

"You're cold Squall." Laguna commented, poking his tongue out.

"I know...but she's colder."

Take care of him Laguna...

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