Broken Promises (Bother)
Broken Promises (Bother)
The burning almost made the pain go away. Staring into the black velvet sky that was covered in twinkling bright stars, it was easy to forget the pain and the sadness. It was easy to forget what day it was…and had had happened in the previous months. For Seifer, the fiery burn of the spicy whiskey burning down his throat and into his stomach, the physical pain almost made the emotional pain disappear. And if the one wouldn’t cancel out the other, the deep stupor he could achieve by guzzling the entire bottle of amber liquid would at least help him forget for a night.
Popping the cap back onto the thick glass bottle, Seifer hauled himself up onto the railing and, with a quick glance behind him, settled on it with his legs hanging off the side of the Garden. He tugged at his tie and stuffy SeeD uniform, glaring at the full, festive ball room behind him where the Headmaster ceremony took place. So far the only good thing Seifer could think of that came from it was the free bottle of liquor that he had acquired.
“What are you doing?” A deep male voice startled Seifer from his perch on the railing of the balcony. The young blonde lurched dangerously forward, nearly losing his tipsy balance on the rail and dropping a bottle that was full of amber alcohol. At least, it was full when Seifer got it. Now, he wasn’t quite sure how much he had actually drunken or how long he had been sitting out there. But then again, he wasn’t quite sure of anything at that moment.
“What the fuck?” Seifer demanded, his words slurring together. He turned and glared at his ‘assailant’ then reached for the dropped bottle that was resting on the cement. “I’m sitting…outside…having a drink. Toasting your son.” Laguna Loire raised an eyebrow, his thoughts moving from amazed that the bottle hadn’t shattered to amused as Seifer landed on the ground with a loud thud.
“I’m not quite sure how getting wasted is considered toasting my son,” Laguna murmured. “I can understand how you might be a bit upset by the news…after all, the two of you had grown to be pretty good friends.
“Pfft – friends. That’s all he’s got the balls for…fucking wuss…and he knows…he knows how I feel…but no, he’s gotta go be with that little slut.” Seifer struggled to his feet and ended toppling over onto Laguna. As soon as the other man’s body touched his, Seifer burst into tears. “It’s just not fair! I’ve loved him all my life and tried to prove myself but all he does is act like I’m not here.” Laguna patted Seifer’s back uncomfortably and pulled him into a small hug.
“I’m sure…it’s not like it seems, Seifer,” the older man stated quietly, his voice strained. “It’s not the kind of news I wanted to hear either. It’s all happening so soon. It doesn’t feel like I’ve had enough time for him to just be mine for a while.”
“No – he’ll never be yours…or mine…it’s her – it’s always her and it’s always been her. Fucking slut’s got her claws in him deep – but we know…we know better, don’t we? We can save him!” Seifer shoved Laguna away and tried to scramble towards the door that led to the giant room. He immediately tripped over his combat booted feet, though, and thudded to the ground.
“I don’t think you’re in any shape to be saving anyone,” Laguna commented and began hauling Seifer to his feet once again. “Why don’t you sleep it off, Blondie, and we can discuss this more in the morning.” Seifer became very still as he balanced carefully on his feet, his eyes wide and skin cold.
“Squall called me that all the time. ‘Blondie’ this and ‘Blondie’ that. It only got worse after I had it bleached so it was that funny platinum color. He said that it made my eyes more green…made me look sexy. Of course we had been stoned off our asses so it mighta been the chemicals talkin’,” Seifer giggled at the memory. “I didn’t want him to leave. I begged him not to. He didn’t understand. So I told him.”
“Told him what, Seifer?” Laguna asked, growing weary of the man’s drunken antics.
“That I loved him. That I had always loved him. That he didn’t need her – that she couldn’t make him happy. That I could. I understood him…I was the perfect match for him. He got this real sad look on his face and said there was something he had to take care of, but that we’d talk about. But he got real quiet and told me not to tell anyone else. But you’re okay, right? I mean, you’re his dad. You mighta liked the slut’s mama but not her. She was a dense bitch.”
“She was carrying my grandchild,” Laguna scowled. He agreed wholeheartedly with Seifer’s opinion of Rinoa Heartily…but there wasn’t anything he could do about it now.
“You’re going to be a grand-pop? Cool. You’d be good with little kids.”
“Dammit Seifer! Will you listen to me?” Laguna exploded, his heart aching. He knew how much it had hurt Squall to leave Seifer with his emotions on the line – he had listened to how much Squall had fallen in love with the boy so many nights that he had almost been delighted at hearing Seifer’s proclamation.
“I am listening, but I’ve only got a little bit o’ time left. Squall’s gonna be here any minute and I gotta get washed up. Don’t wanna see him smelling like a drunk,” Seifer grinned and moved to the door once more, only to be held back by Laguna’s grip on his arm.
“Stop for a minute, Seifer. I’m concerned about you – everyone is. That’s why they called me to come up here from Esthar. They know you won’t talk to anyone else about what happened.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Laguna,” Seifer mumbled as he plucked the forgotten bottle from the ground.
“Yes you do,” Laguna replied in a quiet voice.
“No,” Seifer stopped to take a swig of the abrasive liquid. “I don’t.”
“Quistis is the new Headmaster here,” Laguna began carefully. “She called and said you weren’t taking the news very well. That…that you started talking about Squall constantly. That you started drinking a lot more than is healthy. That you waited here for him every night.”
“He’s supposed to meet me here. He promised. He’s coming back.” Seifer’s voice broke as he stared into the liquor bottle with hot tears in his eyes.
“He can’t come back! Don’t you think it hurts me too? He was my son, for Hyne’s sake. And now he’s dead.”
“No he’s not! I talked to him today…he promised he’d meet me here,” Seifer protested weakly.
“No, not today. A month ago from today. You and he had gone to Timber on a mission, remember?” Laguna asked in a calm voice while the images Seifer had wanted to forget flashed through his mind.
“No,” he gasped in utter denial.
“Yes you do – you remember,” Laguna hissed. “I’ve heard you talk about it with Dr. Kadowski – I’ve read the transcripts. You and he had gone to Timber and he was having a problem with Rinoa. He knew she was pregnant…”
A dimly lit hotel room. Seifer had been sitting in a chair while looking over a report, slender reading glasses perched on his nose. The phone had rung and Squall sat up from the bed where he had been sprawled across and answered it.
“She was upset about it – because he didn’t want to marry her. She screamed, claimed he was cheating on her…”
“That’s ridiculous, Rinoa – I hadn’t even dated anyone until I met you. I just don’t have those same feelings for you…you know that,” Squall explained in a tired voice while his gray eyes met Seifer’s curious green ones. Then the blood had drained out of his face. “You’ll what?!”
“She had threatened to get rid of it – either by a doctor or by herself. She was a sorceress. She could do whatever she wanted. So, instead of letting it happen,” Laguna’s voice thickened with emotion as he told the story of his son’s last night on earth, “Squall talked her into meeting him at some random bar in a bad part of town. You didn’t want him to go – you pleaded with him.”
“She’s not going to get rid of it, Squall – it’s her only link to you. You know she’s just messing with you,” Seifer had exploded while Squall pulled on his boots and jacket.
“I have to go. This is something I have to take care of. It’s my responsibility. I won’t let my own child grow up without a family. You of all people should know where I’m coming from in that perspective. And I will not let her kill my own blood.” Seifer had then sprung to his feet, papers forgotten and floating to the ground while Squall neared the door.
“I have a really bad feeling about this, Squall. Please…get her to meet you somewhere else – or get her to come here…something other than this. Please,” Seifer begged.
“I don’t even know where she is – I can’t call her back. I have to do this,” Squall argued.
“All she’s going to do is try to use you some more! For a stupid slut she sure has proven her intelligence, hasn’t she?” Seifer scowled and muttered something under his breath.
“What?”
“I said, I’d be a hell of a lot better for you than she is,” Seifer retorted loudly, the words out of his mouth before he could even think. Having gone with his emotions, Seifer then let all inhibitions fly out the window and had lain his heart bear. “And if you were with me, you wouldn’t be in this situation. But you never saw it, did you? Never saw how much I loved you – how I’ve always been in love with you.” Squall’s face had taken on an odd expression, a cross between shock and hope, an expression Seifer had never seen on Squall’s face before that moment.
“I’ll be back, I promise,” Squall had choked out, his voice thick. “If not tonight, then you leave as planned and I’ll meet up with you back at Balamb-G. The balcony. We’ll talk about this then. And I’ll tell you everything that happens with her, alright?”
“Promise?”
“I promise. Now finish your report, Commander.”
“Yes sir, Headmaster Leonhart.”
Seifer slumped against the wall and slid onto the ground, his eyes closed and face pale. “I told him not to go,” he choked out. “I knew something was going to happen…that was the…the last…” Sobs wracked through Seifer’s body as tears flooded through his eyes. “He promised he’d come back. He promised me.” Laguna sunk onto the ground next to Seifer and wrapped his arms around the boy.
“I know…”
“He promised me…and he never kept it – he left. He went after her…and I never got to find out how he felt. All I wanted was to be with him. Be his friend. And she asked if they could drive around. Squall had been tired because he had been driving all night – so she offered to drive. That’s the only way I can explain it – he never let anyone else drive. And she got them in an accident – they hit a semi-truck going nearly eighty miles an hour.” The sobs stopped wracking Seifer’s body, however the hot tears still poured down his face and the burning in his throat was from suppressing those sobs, instead of liquor. “She wasn’t even hurt…but Squall. He suffered. He was in a coma and by the time I had gotten to the hospital, he had died.”
“I know…I know, Seifer. I know.”
“He was so cold. His skin was a blue-gray color…and the first thing I thought was that it wasn’t real. It was a nightmare. That she was back in my head and was giving me nightmares again. Oh Hyne, it’s real. He left me. He left me. He promised…I love him so much…make him come back Laguna – oh, please, make him come back. I can’t do this alone, it’s too hard. I miss him so much.”
“So do I,” Laguna whispered. Shadows shifted next to him and he looked up to see Ellone standing in the doorway, silent tears streaming down her face. She moved quietly and crouched down next to Seifer, placing a hand on his arm. Still unnoticed, she closed her eyes and poured her heart into her powers.
“She’s not going to get rid of it, Squall – it’s her only link to you. You know she’s just messing with you,” Seifer had exploded while Squall pulled on his boots and jacket. [I know that, Seifer,] Squall thought to himself.
“I have to go. This is something I have to take care of. It’s my responsibility. I won’t let my own child grow up without a family. You of all people should know where I’m coming from in that perspective. And I will not let her kill my own blood.” [It’s my duty – you have to understand. Please. I can’t let my only child grow up with her for a mother, for a family. It’ll come and live with me…maybe with us…depending…Hyne, I hope so…]
“I have a really bad feeling about this, Squall. Please…get her to meet you somewhere else – or get her to come here…something other than this. Please,” Seifer begged. [So do I, but this is already hard enough, Seifer, please – just let me do this. We can talk about it tomorrow…]
“I don’t even know where she is – I can’t call her back. I have to do this,” Squall argued. [I have to.]
“All she’s going to do is try to use you some more! For a stupid slut she sure has proven her intelligence, hasn’t she?” Seifer scowled and muttered something under his breath. [What did he say? It sounded a lot like…]
“What?”
“I said, I’d be a hell of a lot better for you than she is,” Seifer retorted loudly, the words out of his mouth before he could even think. Having gone with his emotions, Seifer then let all inhibitions fly out the window and had lain his heart bear. “And if you were with me, you wouldn’t be in this situation. But you never saw it, did you? Never saw how much I loved you – how I’ve always been in love with you.” Squall’s face had taken on an odd expression, a cross between shock and hope, an expression Seifer had never seen on Squall’s face before that moment. [Oh sweet Hyne…well, that’s not exactly the way I had always imaged him saying it, but it’ll work. Seifer…my sweet, sweet Seifer. Blondie. Heh – I love you too, Blondie. You have no idea how much I love you. But I can’t do this right now…I’ll be back, I promise. I hope.]
“I’ll be back, I promise,” Squall had choked out, his voice thick. “If not tonight, then you leave as planned and I’ll meet up with you back at Balamb-G. The balcony. We’ll talk about this then. And I’ll tell you everything that happens with her, alright?”
“Promise?” [Of course. I’ll always be here for you, Seifer. Even when I die I’ll still be there. I’ll be there because I love you. Now and always.]
“I promise. Now finish your report, Commander.”
“Yes sir, Headmaster Leonhart.” [Good-bye, Seifer.]
“Daddy! Come on! Hurry up!” Six-year-old Reid Alexander Leonhart-Almasy grinned as his adopted father followed the active child through the graveyard, a bouquet of flowers in his hands. “Come on!” Seifer grinned at the small boy who had shaggy brown hair and elven features just like his biological father.
“I’m coming, son,” Seifer smiled then broke into a swift jog, sweeping the boy into his arms. “I love you.”
“Love you too. Now, let’s go put some flowers on Daddy Squall’s grave. Then you can tell me more stories about what he was like when he was my age.”
“Alright.”