Author's Notes: Inspired by fog.
I watch you clip.
Discard and assemble.
Arrangement after arrangement of baby’s breath, roses, etcetera….etcetera…etcetera…
And for a second, as you move to grab something from the counter, you
Notice my stare.
And I notice that you noticed.
And now we notice that we are alone in the shop…alone with each other that is.
I see things in your eyes that you don’t even
Know are there, things that are wrong yet right…
[1- You and I, in my bed, me on top, kissing your lips]
[2- You and I, in my bed, you on top, kissing my lips]
You see things that you don’t want to see in my eyes, things
That feel good but shouldn’t be done…
[3-Me inside of you, from behind, my chest plastered to your back in sweat]
[4-You inside of me, from behind, your chest plastered to my back in sweat]
And we say nothing to each other ‘coz nothing needs to be said.
The eyes ask questions that the body wants to answer and the mind wants to flee from…
[5-I am trailing kisses down your chest, your abdomen, over your hipbones]
[6-You are trailing kisses down my chest, my abdomen, over my hipbones]
Your glare becomes not so frigid and my lips curve upward a little.
Your face is not so hard and my body is not so relaxed.
Do I move? Do you?
[7-You press me against the wall and slide your hand into my pants]
[8-I press you against the wall and slide my hand into your pants]
Did I say something witty? Did you laugh?
Is the silence in this damn place so fucking deafening that
Neither one of us can hear the thoughts running
About in our minds?
[9-I jerk you off and watch you shudder and shake]
[10-You jerk me off and watch me shudder and shake]
When did I get so close to you at this counter?
When did I get so close to feeling this way about you of all people?
When did I begin to wonder if you were really
That cold, that removed, that alone?
[11-Your lips wrapped around my cock]
[12-My lips wrapped around your cock]
Are you thinking about me now?
Are you wondering why I stay near you,
Why I smile at you like that, why I ignore your
Ice all the time?
[13-My arms around you at night, holding you close]
[14-Your arms around me at night, holding me close]
I hand you flowers and you take them.
I hand you the vase and you take it.
I say no more and you….well, you never said a thing anyway.
[15-I pound into your body and look into your eyes]
[16-You pound into my body and look into my eyes]
An hour has passed. Just silence. Just you and I here.
No Ken, no Omi.
No mission tonight.
I want to forget the past tonight….don’t you, too?
[17-My tongue in your warm mouth]
[18-Your tongue in my warm mouth]
My eyes follow you even if I don’t want to.
Can you feel my gaze on you? I bet you can….
I bet it bothers you. I bet it annoys you.
I bet it makes you wonder what I am seeing.
[19-You pick a fight just to have make-up sex]
[20-I pick a fight just to have make-up sex]
My pack is empty. I finger the lighter in my pocket.
You move about the flowers and you look perfect against
Reds, blues, whites and purples.
All I see is beauty and all you see is a hollow shell.
[21-I get you aroused just by a look]
[22-You get me aroused just by a look]
I sigh and sag.
I turn away.
And though you would be loathed to admit it, I feel you watch me.
I can feel those eyes puzzle over me, over all of me.
[23-I slowly remove your clothes]
[24-You slowly remove my clothes]
You said something. I answered somehow.
I want to say more…do you want me to say more?
I want to let you feel something you probably
Have never felt in your life…
[25-You run fingers through my hair]
[26-I run fingers through your hair]
The others come in. The customers come back.
The moment is over and I fade away,
To my room, to the confines that I hold close.
The door shuts with a click…did you hear it?
[27-You dig your nails into my back]
[28-I dig my nails into your back]
I try to sleep away the rest of the day, until night
Can cloak me from everyone else.
I try not to think about you or about my issues.
I try and fail.
[29-I want to have sex even though it is only the morning]
[30-You want to have sex even though it is only the morning]
I hear a knock on my door and I wish it was you.
But it is not. And I rise and I leave the bed and I make my way
To the rest of our group. I eat the food
And watch as each bite grazes your lips…
[31-I push you down on the kitchen table]
[32-You push me down on the kitchen table]
You pause and catch me. I don’t try to hide it….I don’t want to hide it….
You look so confused and so curious, not cold…not angry…not hateful.
My mouth moves to talk and you get up.
You clean the plate and you leave the room…
[33-I kiss your neck on the couch at midnight]
[34-You kiss my neck on the couch at midnight]
I smoke outside and look at the stars.
I feel the wind caress my face.
I have the keys in my hand but I want to take you with me.
Would you go? If I asked?
[35-I touch your brow, your lips, your cheeks, your chin]
[36-You touch my brow, my lips, my cheeks, my chin]
But I know the answer already. You wouldn’t go.
You have ties and binds…like we all do. And you don’t
Run from them…like I do.
I am so tired from running. I wish something could stop me…
I wish you would stop me…
[37-Your head fits nicely between my shoulder and jaw]
[38-My head fits nicely between your shoulder and jaw]
I stay out there way into the morning
Before coming inside, before moving around the
Place like a cat…then a light flicks on.
And I am blind except for a brief vision of red…
[39-I take your hand and pull you to me under hot streams of water]
[40-You take my hand and pull me to you under hot streams of water]
You don’t ask…maybe you don’t want to know, not really.
And maybe, for all my bravado, I don’t want to tell.
Maybe I am shy for the first time in my life.
Maybe I’m afraid of what I am feeling…
[41-My body melds to yours]
[42-Your body melds to mine]
So I smile and I laugh.
So you shake your head and watch me.
I feel like a freak show compared to you
And your calm and your emotionless state-of-mind…
[43-I can smell you on my sheets]
[44-You can smell me on your sheets]
You stand in the doorframe and I move to leave…
But I can’t, not yet….I stop and stand beside you,
Too close to you, much too close to you.
And you say so. But I don’t care…
[45-I daydream about you]
[46-You daydream about me]
I’ve been this close before or have you forgotten?
I say this aloud and you look shocked.
I like that look. I like catching you off-guard.
You say you don’t know what is wrong with me
But I think that maybe, just maybe, you do…
[47-I think I can help with your pain]
[48-You think you can help with my pain]
I am shaking you up. I am making you uncomfortable.
I am pushing against your boundaries and trying to climb your walls.
I am trying to make a few fantasies come true.
I am trying to make you take a ride with me…tonight….
[49-I can’t help but fall in love with you]
[50-You can’t help but fall in love with me]
Return to Archive