Disclaimer: Weiss is project Weiss and so on, aka, not me. This song is "I Wish I Felt Nothing" by the Wallflowers, who are also not me. This story is mine. :P
Author's Notes: I decided to write Yohji/Aya instead of Ken/Omi for once! ^^ Of course, there is going to be a Ken/Omi side-story! *sweat drop* I came up with the idea because of Annie Lennix's song "Cold", which will also be a chapter in this. All in all, it is a combination of six songfics. Enjoy!
Dying Is Easy
Chapter 1 - I Wish I Felt Nothing
I made it home at a reasonable time that night, or so I'd thought. I could tell that Omi was already asleep because there was no light from his room, but the tell-tale bounce of a soccer ball told me that Ken was still up, probably thinking hard about something while mindlessly playing with the soccer ball. The only thing that scared me was that I didn't hear or see anything from Aya's room. It wasn't likely that he'd already gone to sleep, but it was possible he was out somewhere doing whatever Aya does. Ignoring this, I went to my room, tossing my jacket on the bed. I stripped off my shirt and threw it on the bed as well, rolling my neck. It was starting to get cold outside again.
"Yohji," a voice said behind me. The voice was far colder than the temperature outside. I slowly turned to look back at the one who'd spoken and was met with no surprise. Fujimiya Aya, in all his stoic glory, stood in my doorway wearing jeans and an ugly orange turtleneck sweater. One of these days, I was going to have a talk with him about his "fashion sense". I gave him a smile which was only returned with one of the coldest glares I'd ever been on the wrong end of. "You're late," he growled.
The statement took me by surprise. Normally Aya didn't care when I would come and go. The redhead had made it very clear that he preferred to be alone to having us around. Or maybe that was just me he didn't want around. He seemed to actually rather like Omi, and Ken... well, they had their moments when they agreed once in a blue moon. One thing's for sure, though. Aya HATED me most of the time. He hated me because I figured him out.
Aya was afraid of being hurt, so he pushed everyone away. It wasn't an uncommon tactic, so it wasn't difficult to figure out, but Aya always acted completely violated when I mentioned that he was "doing it again". I really didn't understand why everyone thought he was such an enigma, I always thought he was an open book just begging to be read.
~ You say when you're alone It's better 'cause nobody knows you When no one's your friend It's better 'cause nobody leaves you ~
"I'm sorry," I whispered, not really sure why I was apologizing. After all, I hadn't done anything wrong. I took a few steps toward Aya, closing the space between us. Giving him my best grin again, I teased, "I wasn't aware that I had a bedtime now. I thought that living twenty-two years would give me qualifications enough to finally make my own decisions. Obviously, Aya, I should report in to my younger and ridiculously wiser superior." I rolled my eyes.
I should have seen it before it happened, but I failed to dodge the backhand slap that he struck me with. I expected to see anger in his face, but there was nothing as I tried to keep from yelping in pain. I gently touched my face to check for tenderness, and I could only feel that I was going to have a hell of a bruise on my face to attest to this moment. Inside, I would have quite the heartache. I didn't know quite what it was, but I had pretty strong feelings for Aya that I dared not name "love". I dared not call it love, because it would be the most unrequited love in the history of love.
Plus, I knew that Aya couldn't love. He wouldn't let himself after what little love had got him in the past. He had turned his back on love, while I had fallen for him. It wasn't fair, really, because Aya was the only one of the four kittens that was like this, and he was the one I fell for. I'm such an idiot. Why couldn't I fall for the cheerful and brilliant Omi? Or even the hot-headed but sincere Ken? Oh, right, because I've been trying to hook them up for over two years now.
~ So you turned your back On a world that you could never have 'Cause your heart's been cracked And everyone else's is goin' mad ~
"I deserved that, I'm sure," I said, tasting blood in my mouth. "Seeing as you are the all powerful guru of all." I laughed a little to myself, only because I was in so much pain on the inside. I couldn't understand why I was such an idiot around Aya. If I had him figured out so well, why couldn't I just be the kind of person he wanted to be around? Simple, it would wound my pride.
"Yohji, I need you to help me open shop tomorrow," Aya explained with dead tones, "I can't have you be late again. It is going to be very busy tomorrow, and you know it. We need to open doors as quickly as possible and have as many of our staff as we can at any given moment." Aya sighed. "I'll get you some ice from downstairs, but then you need to go to bed." Get me ice?
I gaped. That was as good as an apology from Aya! The redhead left my room without another word, while I stood there in dumb silence trying to make my jaw work. Aya hadn't hit me that hard, I just really couldn't come up with something witty to say. It was times like those that I wished I had Aya's insistent drive to be anything but emotional. Unfortunately for me, I was worse than a school girl most of the time.
Silently I cursed Aya. When had he gotten so far under my defenses? I was just starting to feel the full extent of his poisons. I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, or maybe I just wanted to scream. I settled for flopping back on my bed with a half smile on my face and facing the ceiling with tears in my eyes.
~ But I hear voices And I see colors But I wish I felt nothing Then it might be easy for me Like it is for you ~
Aya returned with the ice after a few minutes; I could hear his soft footsteps in the carpet. He sat down on the bed next to me, much to my surprise. I lolled my eyes to look at him, only to be met with a surprise. His ruby hair was barely shading emotion-filled violet eyes. Had I actually been too hard on Aya? "Aya..." I whispered, extending a hand to brush away his hair. His pupils dilated slightly in surprise. "Are you okay, Aya?"
"That last mission," the redhead explained, "really got to me. For some reason... I just can't stop thinking about it." The redhead's voice was quiet and unsure. "The ice... it made me think of that girl that was impaled on the ice when she died. I just... I keep having nightmares that it was Aya-chan out on the ice crystal. I can't even imagine...." Aya seemed to lose the will to talk, resulting in him becoming a bundle of shivers, shaking as if it were colder than the north pole in the room.
Something in me was dying watching him. I knew that Aya was a gentle soul on the inside, as his feelings for his sister would dictate, which made it even worse that he was the one that shouldered most of the burdens we all faced. I sometimes wondered how he and Omi clung to any sanity at all. I was moving before I knew it, taking Aya in my arms. "It wasn't Aya-chan, you know. And we wouldn't let anything happen to your little sister. Especially not after all we went through to get her back."
Aya didn't seem to be soothed. If anything, I might have made it worse by bringing up old memories. It seemed as if Aya would never escape the life of an assassin, no matter how much I wish I could change that. I carefully stroked Aya's hair. "Yohji... I just want to forget..." Aya whimpered, hiding his face against me.
I slowly lowered both of us back to the bed, pulling Aya against me in a more comfortable position. He snuggled against me, maybe out of instinct. Normally, I would be thrilled by this new development, but I was really tired, and I was genuinely concerned for Aya. "Just sleep, Aya, I'll chase away your nightmares." I didn't realize I had actually said it until Aya nodded into my chest. I smiled sadly. I really was an idiot.
~ Now all of these people Come up from deep holes Pullin' you down And it's just no use When all the abuse follows you 'round ~
I yawned as the sun kissed my closed eyes the next morning. I hadn't really remembered going to sleep, but it was just about time for me to be getting ready for work, so I didn't complain. Then, the events of the previous night started coming back to me. "Aya...." No one was in the room to answer my sudden plea. Aya was already gone. He must have gone down to start opening early.
I felt cold. Aya's warmth probably lulled me to sleep early the night before, and I suddenly felt naked, abandoned, and very much so alone. I already missed Aya's warmth, which I shouldn't have had in the first place. That was a very, VERY bad sign.
"It figures," I muttered to myself, trying to ignore the sting in my heart just thinking about it. "Stupid of me to think he needed me." I don't know quite why I chose to say it aloud, but I was somehow satisfied to feel that the walls would laugh with me at my own expense. Sometimes I couldn't help but think that Aya and I were alike in a multitude of ways. The biggest one that I was just then proving to myself is that we both hopelessly search for comfort where we can't get it.
~ By the morning you'd gone Leavin' me here all alone Sayin' it's no mystery I know that nobody here needs me ~
I stumbled down the stairs, walked into the shop, and was suddenly hit with a flourish of colors, scents, and laughter. The flowers were already all set out by Aya, and the windows were open, giving the blooms new life under the early morning light. The laughter was coming from Ken and Omi who were in the middle of a tickle war that Omi was hopelessly losing. It warmed my heart to see them there, playing around like little kids. I would be damned if they didn't get together soon.
"Ken-kun! I have to go to school!" Omi insisted, gasping for air. "KEN-KUN! LET ME GO!" Omi was laughing hysterically as Ken wrapped him in a bear hug affectionately. Ken was holding Omi's winter jacket in one hand, and was laughing almost as hard as Omi was as he clung tight to Omi from behind with his free hand.
"I'll take you to school. I have to go to practice, anyway." Ken pressed the jacket into Omi's chest, forcing him to take the smaller boy into his arms entirely. "You'd better wear your coat, Omi."
"Baka! I've been trying to get that form you for ten minutes now!" Omi was pretending to be stern as he snatched the coat away. Ken drew away so the small boy could put on his coat, all the while grinning like a wolf. Omi glanced at his watch. "Well, we'd better go if I'm going to be on time, Ken- kun."
"Hai, hai," Ken replied, sounding much more serious, though his smile was still very wolfish. He glanced up, looking at me as if he hadn't seen me before. "Oh, hey, Yohji. I'll be back to help you and Aya here after practice!" Ken waved as he began his retreat from the room.
"Later, Yohji," Omi said with a cute smile and a wave. Then, he realized he was being left by Ken. "Chotto matte, Ken-kun!" Omi dashed out of the room, chasing after his best friend. Well, best friends my butt. It was too damn cute to watch them flirt so heavily. Even I was reduced to a little puddle by their cute little games.
I heard a noise from behind me, and glanced back to see Aya was flipping through some papers, watching Ken and Omi leave. His face was like stone, as if he hadn't even seen the adorable display that had been playing out in front of us. I sighed. I sometimes envied that trait in Aya, because he wouldn't be jealous of everything Ken and Omi had that he didn't have. Then, there was me....
~ But I hear voices And I see colors But I wish I felt nothing Then it might be easy for me Like it is for you ~
I was sitting at the table in the kitchen with my feet propped on the table when you came in. It was my lunch break, and Ken had just arrived, so I could only assume you were going to ask me to go back out in the shop and then take your own break. It didn't matter much to me. I didn't really think about work much anymore, whether it was my day or night job. Everything was just so... routine.
"Yohji," Aya began, looking a little irritated.
"I know," I interrupted, "take my feet off the table and get back to work." I laughed. "You don't have to tell me twice. Or even once, for that matter!" I chuckled more, pushing off the table slightly so I could drop my legs off of it. "I'm goin', I'm goin'." I stood, mocking the motions of dusting myself off.
"No," Aya said, grabbing my wrist. I was a little surprised, to say the least. "I was going to ask you to join me for a few minutes." I think my eyes just might have fallen out of their sockets in surprise. I resisted the urge to check Aya's temperature, and slowly sat back down. Aya went to the refrigerator, grabbed the sandwich he'd made earlier, and sat down across from me at the table. He then, proceeded to take a bite out of the sandwich. My eye twitched.
"I don't understand, Aya. Am I supposed to sit here and watch you eat?" I examined his face carefully for a reaction. He finished chewing, swallowed deliberately, and then turned his violet eyes on me. I almost regretted saying anything.
"I thought you were the one who was always interested in idle chatter. Make small talk, Yohji." Aya then took another bite out of his sandwich, acting as if nothing had been said up until that point. I blinked at him in surprise before my temper began to rise.
"Can't you at least PRETEND to care?" I demanded, pounding my fists into the table. I leaned forward, trying to get in Aya's face, rising in the process. Aya swallowed, keeping his gaze on me, and set his food back on his plate. Then, he mimicked my position, only he leaned forward a little more to brush his lips on mine. I nearly died of surprise. "Ay-Aya?" I managed once he'd sat back down.
"Pretending didn't help anything," he noted coldly and my heart sank. Sometimes I really hated him.
~ And I know you believe that you and me don't belong here And the worst we could do Is keep trying to pretend we care ~
When Omi got home, he and Ken resumed their flirting ritual as if no time had passed between when Ken dropped Omi off and when the boy returned home. I mentally groaned. As cute as it was, it was starting to get frustrating that they wouldn't say anything to eachother about their feelings.
I turned my attention from them to the stoic redhead behind the cash register. I was dwelling on his kiss every second of every moment since it happened, and he seemed completely unfazed. Yep, I definitely hate that man sometimes.
Unfortunately, I might also love him.
~ But I hear voices And I see colors But I wish I felt nothing Then it might be easy for me Like it is for you Like it is for you, Like it is for you. ~
Return to Archive | next