Glorfindel's Darkest Hour
Chapter 5 - Making Love
Now that he had Glorfindel’s permission, Erestor briefly felt at a loss. He knew what he had to do, and for the first time he wondered if he could follow through. But suddenly the blond surprised him by lowering himself onto his knees and they were now level with each other, staring into the other’s eyes. "I love you so much." It sounded dramatic, even to his own ears, but it was exactly how he felt about the flaxen-haired beauty next to him. "I never thought I would get the chance to tell you."
Glorfindel, feeling nervous as well, lowered his gaze momentarily. "Erestor, I do not know how I will react when… when you make love to me." He had been through so much these last few days. "Although Mandos healed my body, or at least this representation of it, I am afraid my mind is far from being healed."
"Trust yourself to me," pleaded Erestor, as he slowly raised his right hand to stroke the long, blond mane. "I love you and will never hurt you." Cocking his head, he waited for Glorfindel to make eye-contact again. "Tell me what you want me to do."
Glorfindel frowned, but then realized Erestor was giving him control over the situation… And that knowledge helped. "I need to see you at all times."
Erestor nodded in obvious understanding. "Of course."
"I… I still remember the pain… and my helplessness…"
"You will be in control, melamin," said Erestor reassuringly.
"Melamin…" Glorfindel searched Erestor’s face. Elrond had never called him that, but then again, Elrond didn’t love him in that way. They were casual lovers at best. "It has been a long time since anyone said that to me."
"Melamin," repeated Erestor, smiling radiantly at seeing the sparkle in the blond’s eyes. "May I kiss you?" Mandos had told him it was important that Glorfindel accepted his love and he planned to demonstrate just how much he loved the Elda.
"Kiss?" Glorfindel nodded his head once. "I think I can deal with that." But he still trembled when one of Erestor’s arms enfolded his waist and soft lips descended onto his, delivering a butterfly kiss to them. "Oh…" The soft sound escaped his lips involuntarily. Maybe it was because he had experienced pain and humiliation at Saruman’s and the Uruk-Hai’s hands… Or maybe it was because he was in Mandos, but that kiss felt more sensual than any other kiss he had ever received.
Erestor couldn’t refrain from smiling smugly. "Oh, I think you dealt with that quite well."
Returning the dark-haired Elf’s smile hesitantly, Glorfindel forced himself to remain relaxed when the sweet lips claimed his for another gentle kiss. He reminded himself that this was Erestor, an Elf, a friend, and not Saruman or one of his creatures. Erestor loved him and through that love, they could return to Middle-Earth. He had to hold on to that.
Mandos, standing behind a curtain, watched them. Glorfindel’s reaction pleased and reassured him. Normally he wouldn’t insist that they made love, but it was important they did. He knew that being in Mandos would strengthen Glorfindel and the warrior would find the courage to accept Erestor’s love. /I regret taking this memory away from him, but a sacrifice must be made./ He would, however, reward them eventually.
Smiling at the two Elves, he closed his eyes momentarily. Calling on his strength he gently poured some of his power into Glorfindel’s mind. /Be happy, and make sure I do not see you again for a few more millennia./
Turning about, he left them to their lovemaking.
Glorfindel kept his gaze focused on Erestor, for he was scared that, when he closed them, his tormentors would reappear to taunt him. "Can you make me forget them? Their vile touches? The pain they inflicted? The humiliation?"
Erestor’s heart contracted painfully, hearing the soft plea. "I can try."
"I trust myself to you," whispered Glorfindel, wondering why he had never seen the love in those smoldering, dark eyes before.
Erestor felt overwhelmed, seeing the trust in those blue eyes. "I wish we had more time." But this had to be done now. "Would you like me to undress first?" Maybe having the opportunity to see him naked first would help the blond.
Glorfindel considered the question and then nodded his head once. "That would help."
Erestor, who was still kneeling, unfastened the harness that held his hunting knives and the quiver and placed them aside on the floor. Next he unclasped his cloak, -slowly- and dropped it onto the floor as well. Then he indulged himself by kissing Glorfindel again, making sure all kisses and touches remained light.
Glorfindel, realizing Erestor was trying to reassure him, forced himself to smile. After all, he had known Erestor for many centuries and they were friends. So why did he feel like an Elfling who was about to make love for the very first time in his life? Maybe he should break the ice, by breaking the silence? "Have I ever seen you naked before?"
Erestor smiled warmly. "No, you have not. I never put myself in that situation."
Suddenly Glorfindel realized why. "Your attraction to me might have showed." To his surprise, he managed a smile. "Did you ever consider telling me about your feelings?"
Erestor shook his head. "No. I realized quite quickly that you preferred Elrond."
Glorfindel’s eyes darkened. "I felt attracted to him, but it was never love."
"I know that too," whispered Erestor, who now began to unbutton his shirt. "Tell me if I make you uncomfortable. You are in control, always remember that, please, melamin."
Strangely enough, Glorfindel felt like he didn’t need the extra assurance. Just by looking in Erestor’s warm eyes he knew that he was perfectly safe with him. "May I?" He raised a hand and waited for permission to remove Erestor’s shirt.
"Always…" The trust, which he saw in Glorfindel’s eyes, nearly brought tears to his own. He trembled when the blond pushed down his shirt, revealing his torso. Seeing the frown on Glorfindel’s brow, he asked, "Is something wrong?" Did his appearance displease the blond? He hoped not.
"You are more muscular than I thought." Glorfindel wasn’t sure what he had expected Erestor to look like, but he was lean and obviously built for endurance. "Not what I expect a scholar to look like."
Erestor nervously licked his lips. "Would you like to see more of me?" He would do whatever necessary to keep Glorfindel’s discomfort down to a minimum.
"Actually, I do feel curious," admitted Glorfindel, and it was the truth. He wasn’t sure he would still be this courageous when they made love, but for now, his curiosity had been piqued.
After taking off his boots, Erestor rose to his feet, undid the laces of his leggings and stepped out them. Naked, he sat down again, wanting to be as close to Glorfindel as possible. "Well?" he asked teasingly.
Glorfindel wondered about the absence of fear. He should feel intimidated after what he had been through, but he didn’t. And strangely enough, Erestor’s physique did please him.
"You may look, you know," said Erestor teasingly. As long as they could maintain this relaxed atmosphere this might work.
Erestor’s remark actually made Glorfindel smile. Raising an eyebrow, his gaze dropped. Although he felt relieved at the sight that Erestor was not *that* well endowed, he kept that knowledge to himself. He would have felt more nervous, -he might even have panicked- if Erestor had been… larger. For that he felt grateful.
Erestor cleared his throat, and got more comfortable, sitting cross-legged. "Maybe I can convince you to remove your shirt as well?"
This time, Glorfindel released a soft chuckle. Something in Erestor’s manner really reassured him that everything would be all right. "I might."
Erestor returned the smile, but made no physical contact at this time. Glorfindel was beginning to feel secure and in control, and he wanted that feeling to grow stronger.
Glorfindel suddenly realized that the cold, which had lingered in the room upon his arrival, had gone. Now, he felt comfortably warm and bright rays entered the window, illuminating the room. If he didn’t know better, he would think Mandos was playing matchmaker. Unbuttoning his shirt, he slid it down his shoulders and let it pool around his waist.
"You are beautiful, melamin," whispered Erestor, admiringly. Oh, he understood only too well why Elrond had never stopped sharing his bed with the blond. "Exquisite." To his surprise, a blush surfaced on Glorfindel’s face. "It is the truth."
Glorfindel shrugged his shoulders. "I feel different now…" He could tell the remark puzzled Erestor, and he explained, "The way they touched me… Used me… It feels like they left their mark on me."
Erestor swallowed hard. "Then let me wipe it away." Slowly, he leaned in closer, watching Glorfindel intensely. "Remember, you are in control. I will do nothing you do not wish to happen."
Glorfindel nodded once. "I know that." But he appreciated the fact that Erestor gave him time to grow accustomed to his touch. When the dark-haired Elf cupped his cheek, Glorfindel cocked his head and leaned into the touch. After the pain and humiliation he had suffered, his soul yearned for love and affection.
Erestor touched his lips to Glorfindel’s and lazily kissed him, taking his time. He didn’t press his tongue against the blond’s teeth, waiting for Glorfindel to grow comfortable enough to part his lips out of his own volition.
Raising his right hand, Glorfindel rested it at the nape of Erestor’s neck. When Erestor parted his lips, he tentatively invaded the dark-haired Elf’s mouth, exploring at leisure. Kissing was better than he had expected.
Erestor immediately yielded and let Glorfindel taste him. After a moment, when the blond pulled back, he smiled adoringly. "You are an excellent kisser."
"Normally I am not this…insecure," Glorfindel said. He had wanted to say ‘afraid’, but when he examined his feelings, he realized there was hardly any fear left. It felt like Erestor was coaxing him into letting go of his pain. "How are you doing this?"
Erestor instinctively knew what Glorfindel was asking. "I love you."
Glorfindel accepted that truth and sighed. Slowly, maintaining eye contact with Erestor, he rose from the floor and stepped out of his breeches, feeling strangely shy when he was naked.
Erestor sensed Glorfindel’s unease and extended a hand. "Sit with me?"
Glorfindel sat down, grateful that the floor didn’t feel as cold as ice any more. Warmth radiated toward him, and as he looked to his right, he found that the fireplace was housing a warm and gentle fire. "He *is* playing matchmaker."
"Who is?" Frowning, Erestor wondered what Glorfindel was talking about.
"It is nothing." Glorfindel drew in a deep breath, fully aware of the fact that they were both naked. "I… I do not know what to do next."
"But I do." Erestor curled his fingers around Glorfindel’s hand and raised it to his lips, pressing a kiss on the knuckles. "Let me love you."
Glorfindel nodded, after realizing that Erestor was waiting for his explicit permission. "Make love to me."
Erestor inched a little closer and wrapped his arms around Glorfindel. "Always look at me. I will know when to stop… or to continue."
Glorfindel’s mouth suddenly went dry as Erestor’s lips caressed his skin. The touch was slow and sensual. The dark-haired Elf left a trail down his throat, gently suckling the skin beneath his collarbone. He kept his eyes trained on Erestor’s face, finding comfort in the love that shone from the dark eyes. And when Erestor laid him down, gently kisses kept his fear at bay. Now that they were face to face again, he stared deeply into Erestor’s eyes.
Erestor stroked the blond’s sides, keeping his touch as light as that of a butterfly. He hesitated briefly, wondering what he could use for lubrication. Stealing a glance through the room, he didn’t see anything that could ease his way in. Fortunately, he had been in this situation before and he drew from that memory. Kneeling next to Glorfindel, he was careful not to put any weight on the blond. "Would you…" he whispered sensually into Glorfindel’s ear, "Allow me to touch you… there?"
Panic and pain surfaced and made Glorfindel’s eyes widen. "No…" Tremors shook his body, as he recalled the humiliation he had been forced to endure. "It will… hurt."
The nearly child-like tone of Glorfindel’s voice almost made Erestor reconsider, but unexpectedly the blond folded his arms around him, pulling him close.
"I cannot bear that pain again… I am sorry…"
"Shush now, melamin. I will never hurt you. And you are in control, always." Erestor settled down next to Glorfindel, holding him close. Lying face to face with each other, he stroked the Elda’s back, keeping up a constant reassurance. "No one will ever hurt you again. You are safe with me. I love you. I will never hurt you." Rubbing Glorfindel’s back, he waited for the other Elf to compose himself again. Brushing back some damp locks, he smiled warmly, seeing the expression in Glorfindel’s eyes.
Glorfindel began to grow calm again, realizing Erestor had stopped touching him in *that* way. And although the embrace should have made him feel cornered, it did nothing of the sort. He felt cherished instead. "I do not understand my feelings."
"You need time, but unfortunately Mandos decided differently."
Tentatively, Glorfindel let his fingertips ghost over Erestor’s hip. /I must focus on the present. I cannot let Sar… them rule my life. I am a warrior, a fighter, and I will overcome their abuse and for the child… Elrond knows of ways to terminate a pregnancy./
"What are you thinking?"
Glorfindel curled his fingers around Erestor’s hand and rested it on his hip. "I want you to take me home. Make love to me." Taking charge of the situation, he pressed his lips against Erestor’s. /He wants me to be in control… I can do that./
The sudden fire in Glorfindel’s kiss sparkled Erestor’s, and as the kiss continued, his groin stirred. Constantly probing the blond’s eyes, he tried to gauge Glorfindel’s reaction when his erection pressed against the Elda’s hip.
Glorfindel’s eyes widened momentarily, but then he stared hard into Erestor’s eyes. He brought his arms up behind Erestor’s back, and once he had a hold on the dark-haired Elf, he rolled Erestor on top of him, parting his legs. He hadn’t thought it possible, but this felt right, surprisingly right.
Erestor startled, finding himself settled between the blond’s thighs. "Are you sure?"
"I am sure," Glorfindel whispered, realizing that he trusted Erestor fully. His friend had assured him that there would be no pain and he clung to that promise.
Erestor now proceeded to explore the blond’s body, kissing, licking and tasting the sweetness of Glorfindel’s skin. When he hit a hardening nipple, his tongue circled it, and then the tip teased the hard nub. Looking up at Glorfindel, he saw the trusting expression in the blond’s eyes. /Aye, you can trust me./
Moving down Glorfindel’s body, he gently nibbled on the insides of the blond’s thighs, even drawing a chuckle from Glorfindel. His touches were having the desired effect and pleased, he noticed that Glorfindel was slowly growing erect. It was more than he had hoped for. "Trust me," he whispered, holding onto the eye contact between them. "Let me make love to you."
"I cannot believe I am saying this, but I do trust you," panted Glorfindel, softly. Suddenly he threw back his head as eager lips closed over his half-erect shaft. "Oh…"
Erestor was determined to make this as pleasurable as possible for Glorfindel, and relaxing the muscles in his throat, he took the blond deeper, licking down the length of his erection, which was growing firmer. He took his time lavishing the head, but made sure his partner didn’t come yet. Pulling back, he smiled, hearing Glorfindel’s disappointed mew.
Looking about, he took hold of his cloak, folded the material and then placed it under Glorfindel’s hips.
A frown appeared on Glorfindel’s brow. He had expected Erestor to take him and finish quickly, but it looked like the dark-haired Elf wanted to take his time with him. He needed to see what Erestor was doing, needed to know what would happen next, but he was still taken aback when a wet, swirling tongue touched his entrance. The sensation was completely new and he marveled at Erestor –it amazed him that the Elf was willing to do this for him- for he had noticed the absence of any oil they could use.
Erestor briefly looked up and smiled at Glorfindel. "I won’t hurt you, always remember that."
Glorfindel nodded shakily and then lay down, burying his hands in Erestor’s dark hair. The gentle, warm, wet probing made his erection throb harder and he continued to wonder about Erestor, whose tongue was surprisingly talented. He hardly noticed the first digit that easily slid inside and a wave of intense pleasure washed through him when Erestor located the hidden gland in his passage.
Erestor tightly controlled his own passion, taking his time to properly prepare Glorfindel. Oil would make this easier, but he was confident he could make love with the blond without Glorfindel experiencing any discomfort. A flash of sadness moved through him, recalling times when he had made love with Gil-galad. But now he felt thankful for that experience, as it allowed him to reclaim Glorfindel.
The grip that Glorfindel had on his hair was tightening and he could tell the blond was nearing orgasm. Kneeling between Glorfindel’s legs, he positioned himself against the blond’s entrance and then slowly –extremely slowly– began to enter him. At the same time, he curled his fingers around Glorfindel’s erection, stroking luxuriously.
A distant part of Glorfindel realized Erestor had sheathed himself to the hilt, and another part told him he should be panicking. But the part that savored the ecstasy that was running through his body silenced them both.
Erestor didn’t move; there was no need to move, because just being inside Glorfindel was enough to push him over the edge. By Elbereth, he hadn’t come this quickly since he had been an inexperienced Elfling! Belatedly, he wondered if Glorfindel wanted him to pull out before reaching orgasm, but it was too late now, as he came inside the blond’s body.
Glorfindel felt another surge of panic, recalling how Saruman and the Uruk-Hai’s seed had burned him, and mentally he prepared himself for a similar pain… which never came. Instead, warmth moved through his body and cocooned his mind.
Erestor, staring breathlessly, found that Glorfindel’s eyes glowed golden. It was the most stunning sight he had ever seen. "I love you…" he whispered, holding Glorfindel tightly when the blond came in his hand. He couldn’t help himself and brought his hand to his lips, tasting the sweet essence.
Glorfindel, who was finding it hard to think or focus, clung to Erestor, and to this warmth that healed him from the inside. "Thank you…"
Erestor smiled warmly. Although he felt tired and drained, he took his time, slipping out of the blond’s body and then wrapped him in a tight hug. "Thank you for letting me do this for you. I know how much trust was involved."
Glorfindel’s eyes, which still shone golden, settled on Erestor, and he finally saw the full extent of that love. "I feel… whole again." There was an ethereally soft tone to his voice, which tingled with love.
Unable to keep back tears of happiness, Erestor released them, pressing his lips on first one, and then Glorfindel’s other eye, kissing the eyelids. "I will always love you." No matter what happened next, he would hold on to this memory for the rest of his life.
Standing in the stone circle in Valinor, where they always held their meetings, four of the Valar were present to discuss the state of affairs concerning Erestor and Glorfindel. Mandos, his wife Vaire, Irmo and Este were staring into the mirror of Visions and Dreams, watching the two Elves hold each other.
Mandos turned around to exchange a glance with his brother’s wife, Este. "Erestor’s love is true."
"Aye it is," she said, softly, "I bless their union. And, as it is in my power to do so I will guard Glorfindel’s rest and help him heal by taking care of his memory. I am going to let the emotions and memories of the rapes fade, decreasing them as time goes by. It is unfortunate that I must erase his memories about the Halls of Waiting and Erestor’s love first. But there is no other way."
One moment Erestor was cherishing the feel of Glorfindel in his arms and staring dotingly into golden eyes. The next, they were falling into darkness.
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