Of course my fears were confirmed when Voldemort reemerged in Potter’s first year. My nights began to become more sleepless and miserable. Then I woke up one day the summer after Potter’s second year to a strangely relieved, liberated feeling. I had slept remarkably well and had in fact slept in. I prepared a mug of coffee and grabbed a newspaper to read on the way to my office. I read the headline. I dropped my coffee. Sirius had escaped Azkaban.
My sleeplessness had become of anticipation rather than of nightmares. Sirius had escaped. My patterns changed little, though. Now I did not eat because I forgot to, rather than because I was constantly nauseas. Most people didn’t notice any change at all, though Poppy did comment, “You look less...I don’t know. Never mind.”
And then there he was, transforming from dog to man. *So you really are an Animagus. It wasn’t just some odd detail of that dream.* The unwelcoming look he gave me was incentive enough to wipe the thought of giving him a cordial greeting from my mind. I spat his name like a bad piece of fruit. It was all I had said to him in thirteen years. Unfortunately, at the time, I hadn’t the chance to say more.
Then there came the night where Potter returned from the whomping willow. Albus spoke his peace, and that ridiculous Minister of Magic walked away convinced of Potter’s insanity and certain to take us all to our deaths with his chronic stupidity and perpetual state of denial, I was left alone with Sirius, or Snuffles as he was referred to for secrecy’s sake. “Ah, Sirius - together again at last.”
He morphed back into a human from his dog form. “Why suddenly with the first name use, *Severus.*”
“One usually refers to particularly close acquaintances by their first names, and we are particularly well acquainted. I’m sure you’ve noticed we’ve attained a level of telepathy.”
“They weren’t just hallucinations, then? That’s actually somewhat a relief. I suppose you know why?”
He sounded so arrogant then. The feel of the conversation was just as that of our arguments back when we were both merely schoolboys, him appearing cocksure and rude, and I snapping back with heavy sarcasm and a falsely calm expression. “As a matter of fact I do, Sirius. I doubt you’ll like what I discovered.”
He raised a brow at me. I simply told him to follow me and led him to my quarters, where I handed him the spell book, book marked on the pertinent passage. He skeptically opened the volume and read the passage, and then turned his eyes once more to me. “You can’t be serious.”
“When am I ever not serious, Sirius?”
“Please don’t be serious?”
I sighed in exasperation. He was silent for a while, and I took the opportunity to give him a once over. “You look dreadful.”
“Thanks. You too.”
“If I do, I blame you wholly.”
More silence. Then Sirius made his way across the room, setting the book down as he went, and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Don’t think I believe any of this, Severus. And don’t think this means anything,” he said, just before he crushed his mouth to mine.
When I awoke the next morning, he had gone. I pulled the sheets up around me, inhaling as deeply as I could, and fell asleep again. I did not see him for many months.
It was Harry’s fifth year, just before Christmas, that Albus found a place for Sirius hidden deep in the forbidden forest in an underground cave. I assume only he and Potter were aware of it. No one had informed me. Then one night I went walking. The only details I can recall were very dreamlike, but I believe I just shoved shoes on my feet, shrugged on a cloak, and started walking to the secret exit that led out from the Slytherin dungeons. I jerked awake to find that I had crawled through the low lying mouth of a cavern. Sirius was in front of me in nightclothes, snapping his fingers in front of my eyes. “Where am I?”
“You don’t know how you got here?”
“Yes, I know how I got here. I was sleepwalking. I haven’t done that since I was six.”
“You used to sleepwalk?”
“Just the one time. Apparently I was trying to leave the manor when a house elf woke me. I would really appreciate you telling me where I am.”
“So you don’t know why you’re here.”
“I assume it’s because you’re here. I’m asking where, Sirius, not why. Do stay on subject.”
“This is my temporary home, hidden deep in the forbidden forest and protected by various wards and glamours. I find it extremely odd that you were able to find it - in your sleep no less.” His expression was one of suspicion.
“I’m sure if Albus put wards on your lodgings they were only directed at those with intent to harm. If I were able to find this place, let alone enter it, there is only one explanation for that, which you well know but aren’t quite finished denying.”
“God, must you always be so cryptic?”
“Must you be so obtuse?”
He sighed, long and loudly. I looked around. Within the cave there was a trapdoor and descending ladder. Sirius grumbled and led me down and into a rather comfortable bedroom, furnished with Gryffindor colors and with enchanted windows which projected the same view as did the windows in Dumbledore’s office. They rather conveniently enabled Sirius to see if anyone were entering the hidden forest from the side facing Hogwarts. “Albus quite outdid himself,” I said. Sirius nodded. “The bathroom and kitchen are through those doors. Food is magicked in, and water comes from an underground running the length of this cave. Do make yourself at home, Severus.”
I really didn’t know what to say to him. Various sarcastic comments hovered at the edge of my lips, but never made it past them. Finally I settled on something to say: “Why did you have sex with me that night?”
“Which occasion are you referring to?”
“The more recent one.”
“Um…you smelled good?”
Sirius looked as if he were mentally kicking himself - perhaps even gutting himself - for uttering that statement. I felt my face breaking into a smile. A very predatory, Severus type smile, but a smile nonetheless. Then I kissed him. I slowly drew him towards the bed, my fingers insinuating themselves into his thin sleeping trousers, finding nothing but skin underneath. My hands stilled, momentarily, and his breath came in harsh pants. With my own breath held his was the only sound in the room, and seemed almost to echo. We stood paralyzed.
Then I forced myself away from his shivering form. “Just point me back to Hogwarts, Sirius. This won’t accomplish anything.”
I turned to leave, knowing I would turn back around in a moment if Sirius said the word. Knowing he wouldn’t. And then he did. “Severus, don’t leave. I...just don’t leave.” He tangled his fingers in my hair, making some snide comment about my shampooing habits, and dragged me towards his bed, slowly pumping me within his fist. I shuddered and came into his waiting palm. I was surprised when he wrapped that same hand around me again, covering me in the slick mess, gently coaxing my hardness back in place. He shoved me down onto his bed, discarded his pants, and straddled me. Then, in a sudden, violent motion, he slammed himself down onto me, biting his lip in agony, his eyes burning into mine with some unnamed emotion.
It was I panting then, and he holding his breath. And slowly, slowly he unclenched around me. That look never left his eyes. I reached up to trace his face with my hands, slide my palms down his chest, flick at his nipples, trace his abdominal muscles. I let my hands glide apart to rest at his thighs, shifting his position ever so slightly, letting his own weight put pressure on his prostate. He tightened around me once more and bit his lip again, this time for an entirely different reason, his eyes never leaving mine, never blinking. He gently lifted up on me, and then glided back down, up and down, faster and harder, until I ejaculated for what seemed an eternity within him, finally breaking his gaze to close my eyes and utter his name in a long, slow moan.
When I opened my eyes he drew himself off me, still erect. I gave him a questioning look when he did not rectify the problem, but his hands were occupied gripping the sheet, and seemed unwilling to relinquish their hold. He was teetering on the edge of orgasm. So I drew myself out from under him, leaned forward, and swallowed his length whole. He came instantly, bucking into my throat, screaming my name as I swallowed around him. Screaming my name. We fell back simultaneously and unceremoniously, our support giving out with languor.
A short while later I was asleep beneath his sheets.
The next morning Sirius woke me up brusquely. “You really ought to leave now.” His face was shuttered, his touch cold. *Merlin,* I thought, *I don’t deserve this.*
“Of course, Sirius,” I spat. “I’m happy I could be convenient for you. You needn’t worry, I won’t return. You can figure out whatever it is you want.” I gathered myself together and asked him quietly to point me towards Hogwarts. As I exited his lodgings, I threw over my shoulder, “Sirius - you did believe me. You could sense it was the truth. You could practically smell it - just as I could. Don’t think you can pretend to me that this doesn’t mean anything.”
I showered, skipped breakfast, and worked in my classroom, waiting for my first students to enter. I was in a temper for quite some time after that. I must have served out about nineteen detentions over the course of the day. That night I went sleepwalking again, but awoke halfway down the corridor outside my room and turned back to my own bed. This happened nearly every night for two weeks.
Then, one night, I awoke in my own bed to hear scratching at my door. I opened it to reveal a large black canine Sirius, wining pathetically. He looked up as I pulled the door wide, and then lunged at me, knocking me onto my back and lapping at my face like the disgusting animal he is. I nudged the door with my foot, and he transformed into a human when he heard it click shut. Apparently he hadn’t bothered to dress for this outing. The moment he regained his usual form I grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently. “What the fuck are you doing here,” I hissed. “Someone could have seen you!”
Of course he pulled his best kicked puppy face. And he’s really good at doing that. And with him straddling me naked, it was getting harder to remember why I was yelling at him - besides the obvious: he’s a git, always was, always will be.
“Well, Sev, I had to tell you that...see...well...”
“Spit it out Sirius,” I scowled. “And don’t call me that.”
“Um, yes, so - you were right and I’m sorry?” He grinned nervously. I think my mouth must have fallen open in shock, because suddenly his tongue was filling it.
He fumbled with my robe, just shrugged on. I only wore an article of underclothing underneath - boxers. He slid them all the way to my ankles and let me kick them off. He then brought his mouth to my crotch and slipped his lips over the head of my erection. I jerked in surprise. He slowly inched down and then, gagging, lifted back away. “I’m sorry,” he said, a strangely shy look on his features. “I’ve never done this before.”
“You don’t have to, you know,” I murmured back.
“No, I, it’s not...”
“You taste good.”
My gulp must have been audible. I hadn’t thought I was capable of getting any harder. I was certainly panting after hearing that juicy little piece. “Just try to relax your throat muscles,” I squeaked in a most undignified manner. And then his full lips were closed over me again, moving down excruciatingly slowly, this time to the base. A quick study. “Sirius, I’m going to-”
I broke off as he began an even harder suction. He put a middle finger to my lips, which I clamped greedily onto. The wet digit traveled over my shoulder and down my side while that mouth worked at my dick and my eyes rolled back in my head. It found the cleft of my buttocks and shoved up into my rectum and rubbed *right there*. The orgasm I had been trying to hold off so as not come in Sirius’ mouth slammed through me like a natural disaster and washed down his throat. Afterwards, for perhaps half an hour, I lay there on that floor like a dead thing.
I finally drew the energy to turn my head and look at him. He uttered a whispered, “So?” Still too mind blown to respond, and honestly at a complete loss for any words to describe the experience, I merely stared. Sirius began fidgeting under my gaze, finally whispering, “God, I wasn’t *that* bad, was I?”
I had to say something, even if I wasn’t mentally prepared to do any sort of thinking, let alone speaking. I opened my mouth to respond, not knowing what I was about to say, hoping not to say anything too stupid. “I love you.”
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