No One Can Change
By Redrum
Author's Notes: This fic was inspired by Greenday's song, Boulevard of Broken Dreams and the lyrics inside belong to them.
No One Can Change
By Redrum
"I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's only me and I walk alone --"
"Would you cease that infernal singing, Potter?! Some of us actually prefer to do our work in peaceful silence."
Harry Potter sighed as he toweled himself dry, deciding to forgo using magic for such a simple task. He slipped on his boxer-briefs and walked out into the sitting room. Harry immediately saw his lover bent over his large desk, the desk that only minutes ago Harry had been fucked into. Had felt the hard edge grip into his hip bone. The smooth top impossibly hard to grasp for purchase.
Letting out another tiny sigh, Harry sank down into the dark red armchair. He wished that Severus would cease his work. It was only Saturday after all. He had all tomorrow to finish his marking and planning of upcoming lessons. But alas, Harry knew how bogged down with work his lover was, of course he would give him his space. For some strange reason though, Harry's chest ached with the thought that in just an hours time --he was so predictable-- Severus would finish his work, no matter the workload (or he'd at least pretend to finish it) and promptly bugger him.
Harry didn't know if he could live with that anymore. Of course, don't get him wrong, he *loved* snogging Severus. He loved getting buggered by him too. But what he didn't love was afterwards. When they would grow silent and turn on their sides, facing away from each other; sometimes Harry would face inwards, but Severus would turn his back on him. The best pillow talks they had were when Severus said what he planned to do for the next day. Other than that, there wasn't much said. No feelings expressed, nothing. Oh, Harry had said, countless of times, that he loved Severus. Loved him with all his heart. An unconditional sort of love. But one could still love unconditionally, but want the other man to confess. Confess *something* as to what he was feeling for Harry. Instead of *this.*
'Right on time,' Harry thought as he saw Severus rise from his desk from the corner of his vision. Muscular arms wrapped around his shoulders and a large nose pressed into his ear as Severus licked at his neck like a large cat. "Come," the command was whispered and Harry could do nothing but obey willingly as they walked toward the bedroom.
Afterwards, Harry rested his cheek against the soft pillow. He reached out and ran a hand down the curved bump of the spine in front of him. The man grumbled and moved further away. Harry sighed while letting his hand drop down to the mattress, his fingers clasping empty air.
"I love you," he whispered.
"Go to sleep Harry," the voice responded, not at all softly.
Harry Potter had thought he could live with simple fucks. But he needed more. He needed love and he wasn't getting it. Sighing softly, Harry packed his suitcase with the bare essentials. When he was finished, he snapped the luggage shut, spelled it into a tiny cube and slipped it into his pocket. He grabbed his wand and stuck it in his inner coat pocket.
"Where are you going?" Severus asked from his position at the doorway, leaning casually against the side.
"I'm leaving."
"To where idiot boy?" Severus growled.
Harry shrugged. "Somewhere. Someplace. Away from here."
Severus frowned. "Why?"
Harry turned and faced his older ex-lover. "I can't do it anymore, Severus. I know I said that I would take anything that you thought you could give, but I can't do it anymore. I honestly thought I could and I clung to the very slim hope you'd return my love, but it's been seven years and I need love in my life, Severus. I've never asked for much, but this is one thing in which I *need.*"
Severus stared at him, eyes dispassionate and dull. Harry walked up to him. He pressed a hand against the beating heart covered by a thick layer of tendons, ribs, muscle and even thicker cloth. "If you can't give me this, I can't stay."
"Then go. Get on with it already, Potter." Severus' upper lip curled. Harry walked past him and Severus trailed behind him. "I suppose even the famed Gryffindor bravery and loyalty escapes you."
Harry shook his head sadly. "It wouldn't be brave to stay with you here Severus. Only stupid." He didn't see Severus' wince. "Stupid to stay with someone who will never love me. Who thinks they are incapable and not deserving of the emotion."
"You said you loved me unconditionally," Severus challenged.
Harry shrugged into his coat and toed on his boots. He smiled sadly as he lifted his head to meet Severus' gaze. "Unconditionally, yes. I love you as I have never loved anyone and how I never think I'll love any other man. But I can only stand so much pain. I feel cold Severus, did you know?" The other man scowled in confusion. "I wish your arms were around me, but they never are. Your presence is cold to me. You won't let me in to share in the warmth, Severus."
"I have no warmth," the older man sniped.
"Yes, yes you do. You have a flame Severus, brighter than anyone I know. But you kindle it and keep it to yourself. You don't let me in and I can't stand the pain anymore, Severus."
Harry turned and walked out. He didn't look back. If he had, he would have noticed Severus' slumped posture and the misery in the black eyes that stared at his retreating back.
"I walk this empty street; on the Boulevard of broken dreams where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone," Harry sang quietly, shoving his hands in his pockets as he walked down the street. The wind whistled past his ear, making him shiver. Goosebumps broke out on his pale flesh. There was no warmth left to drive them away.
"I'm walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind on the border line of the edge and where I walk alone."
-End-