Hogwart's Night Before Christmas

By Sagacious Muse


T’was the night before Christmas, when all through Hogwarts
Not a wizard was stirring, not even Malfoy's cohorts
The cauldrons were strewn about with care
In hopes that Santa Snape would soon be there
The students were warded safe in their beds,
While visions of Cornish Pixies danced in their heads
And Dumbledore in his PJs and night hat
Had just settled in for a long deserved nap
When down in the hall there rose such a clatter
Everyone sprung to see what was the matter

Away to the Great Hall they flew on broomsticks
Throwing open the doors and stopping in their midst
For the twinkle and shine of the Christmas tree
Gave the room more magic than Professor Trelawney
When outside the window from a flame
A hovering cauldron carried by seven snakes came
With an oily, thin driver, so snarky and slow,
They knew in a moment it t’was Santa Snape with a mighty billow

Faster than light, his minions slithered
And he snarled, and hissed, and shouted their names hither
Now, Harry! now, Draco! now Lupin and Sirius! On, Hermione! on Ron!
Oh for God’s sake, Longbottom!

To the top of the hall! To the top of the towers!
Go before I curse you all and get extremely dour!
As glitter twirled around him like a wintry dance
Never ending in its mysterious trance

With the cauldron full of treats, and Santa Snape too
And a deafening screech heard in the castle through
The slithering and moving on thin stomachs heard all around
Made the students turn with glee at the sound
Suddenly out of the floo with such a blast, came Santa Snape dangerously fast
He was dressed all in red from hat to boot
And was dusty and irritable in sparkly green soot
A sack full of toys upon his back
He look like a disgruntled postman on crack
His eyes-- how they glared-- his cheekbones how high!
His cheeks look painted, and his crooked nose pointing to the sky
His smile mischievous and extremely devious
And a phony beard to complete the attire
A snake like pipe billowed white fluffy puffs
And created two little cottony muffs
He had tense face and a concave belly
Which looked nothing at all like jelly

He was slender and graceful, like a moody pale elf
And they chuckled when they saw him in spite of themselves
A shot from his eyes and a twist of his head
Soon let them know they should be in bed

He spoke not a word, but glared at his cauldron
And filled all our pots with many a thing
He pointed his finger directly at us as he loaded his stuff
And gave us a final snare as he grabbed the floo powder with a huff
He appeared on the roof, and to his team he whistled
And away they flew like an airborne missal
But I heard him scream in the midst of his flight
"Merry Christmas to All, and to all a Magical Night"

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