Delicious As Sin
Harry sighed deeply as he shut his eyes. He felt gentle fingers playing with his hair and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He opened his eyes and looked up at Hermione's sweet smile. He rolled over so his head rested on her knee.
"It's over," she whispered softly.
"We're finally out of here," Blaise purred as she took a drag of her cigarette.
Harry opened one eye to stare at the group that sat around him. They were all sitting near the lake and Draco had his back against a tree, while Ginny lounged by his feet. Blaise sat near Hermione and Zack lay in the grass near by reading. Harry shut his eyes again and took a deep breath. Their graduation was in a mere week and everyone's emotions were peaked. There was grief, agony, and pain as they remembered the events that had passed and those they had lost. There was relief and happiness that school was over; they had made it alive, but there were many that hadn't.
"Harry?" Hermione asked softly.
"Hmm?" he responded.
"Just making sure you were still with us," she said. He laced his fingers into hers and he pulled her hand down so it rested on his heart. She looked at him for a moment before she resumed her conversation with Blaise, but she let him keep her hand in his.
He tuned out their conversation and fell back into his thoughts. Most of his memories were so vivid they still had a tendency to shock him. Every time he used to close his eyes he used to see Tom's broken body, and the image was just beginning to fade. Tears formed at the corner of his eyes as he remembered walking into the infirmary and seeing the hundreds of still bodies. Although Tom's face had faded from his memories, the image of Ron lying against the stark white sheets would haunt him forever. He squeezed his eyes to prevent the tears from spilling. Half of their school was gone just dead. He would remember every single person that died in battle forever. Ever since Ron's death Hermione had become closer to Harry and she had simply drifted into his group of friends. There had never been an ounce of bitterness from her and he smiled as he appreciated it.
He opened his eyes as a finger brushed a stray tear away.
"Oh Harry, it's over now," Ginny whispered from above him. His vision blurred slightly and his voice cracked as he tried to speak.
"It's just one of those things I keep thinking about Gin, I can't help it. Thosewhat if I had fought harder what if I had done something earlier what if anything, thoughts keep running through my head. I justwe're alive and we're graduating so I think of it more than ever but everyone else just they're gone," he whispered, covering his face with his hands. Ginny wrapped her arms around him and he gave a sheepish smile.
"I know I know," she said pressing a finger against his lips.
After Tom's death Ginny's murder charges had simply disappeared, and no one ever asked about them. Percy's passing was quiet and never talked about. 'She did save us,' a voice reminded him. He pushed away any doubts he had about her and took a deep breath.
“Aren’t you just a little bitter?” Harry questioned softly.
“Ha! I killed my father Potter of I am a little bitter. What a stupid motherfucker, I should have killed him after that night in the forest,” Draco said simply and then shrugged.
“We all suffered Harry,” Blaise said.
“Being bitter is part of the repercussions, but I mean what else were we gonna do? Sit back and watch people get murdered. We still did pretty damn good,” Blaise said.
“Ug you guys it’s getting late we need to pack and what not,” Hermione said as she stood, brushing herself off. Harry stood and stretched his arms.
“No way, I’m perfectly fine out here,” Zach said.
“You two go on,” Ginny said smiling.
“Okay, see you guys later,” Hermione said. Once they entered the building Hermione turned towards the direction of their dorms.
“I need to go Snape for a few minutes Hermione. I’ll see you later okay?” Harry said. Hermione gave him a look but smiled and nodded.
Harry walked in silence towards the dungeons, thoughts cluttering his mind. He knocked on Snape’s door and waited, resting his head against the wall.
“Who the bloody,” Snape trailed off as he saw Harry and he opened the door wider, motioning him inside.
“Potter,” he acknowledged him with a nod and sat down. Harry sat down opposite him on the plush sofa. He squirmed slightly before making himself comfortable all the while Snape watched him with an amused expression.
“I just wanted to talk before graduation, you know,” Harry trailed off.
“It’s quite alright Harry, you have earned my begrudging respect after all,” Snape said standing to move towards the shelves. Harry laughed softly, but stopped abruptly as a glass of brandy was held before him.
“I’m sure you’ve matured enough to handle one glass Harry,” Snape said and Harry took it. He was going to ruin Snape’s jovial mood.
“I really am going to miss you,” Harry said with a bitter smile.
“But there will be plenty of other new brats to take your place,” Snape said.
“Oh yes, headmaster, I forgot those young lives will be taken into your custody,” Harry said.
Dumbledore’s death had a profound affect on everyone. Tom had killed Dumbledore, a legend. He had destroyed the first person to take care of him at Hogwarts. It was crazy, Tom had been powerful enough to destroy Dumbledore, but had been defeated by a group of teenagers. In the end it had been the aurors that saved them. Harry shook his head and downed the brandy in one gulp.
“As twisted as he may have been, he cared about you, and perhaps he was in emotional turmoil when you took him down,” Snape said, reading his mind once again.
“I sorry I didn’t mean to come here and bring up memories,” Harry whispered and Snape laughed.
“It’s perfectly alright Harry. You came here because you’re graduating and those who passed away aren’t here with you. You think that by some miracle you could have saved them all and that I’ll tell you you’re a miserable excuse for existence. And then send you on your way, but I regret to inform you it’s not so Mr. Potter,” Snape said.
“Even after all this, you haven’t changed one bit,” Harry said smiling.
“Should I have changed?”
“No you’re just fine this way,” Harry said.
“You couldn’t have saved them Harry, and even if you had killed him another new type of Voldemort would have risen to take control and then what? Same story, new enemy, you fought your own battle as best as you could,” Snape said.
“Yes, yes I know. So says the whole world, but it’s not my fault they’re faces are my every waking thought,” Harry hissed angrily.
“It’s part of healing, and you have to learn to heal yourself. No one can do that for you,” Snape said standing. Harry covered his face in his hands, and he felt the sofa shift as Snape sat down next to him.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean, I just,” Harry stopped as he looked at Snape.
“I think the same things too Harry,” Snape said and Harry’s heart froze.
“I’m sorry,” Harry said.
“There’s no need for pity. It’s why I’m so harsh to students, because life is harsh and there’s no use in sheltering when they have to go face the real world,” Snape said.
“I wish I wish Dumbledore was here. I’m afraid I’m not the best one to advise you on your future Harry, but I am trying my best,” Snape said.
“You did just fine, headmaster,” Harry said with a look that spoke volumes. With a sudden impulse he wrapped his arms around Snape and then pulled back. His cheeks were red and he examined the floor as he mumbled.
“I can’t tell you how gracious I am for you teaching me professor about life, about everything. I don’t know if I could have done it without you.”
Snape laughed in response. It became a full volume side clutching laugh and Harry watched in awe. It was the first time he had seen any such emotion expressed by Snape.
“If you weren’t bloody graduating I would give you detention you little suck up.”
“I am not sucking up! I am being completely truthful!”
Snape seemed to collect himself and calm visibly.
“Foolish child, you would have survived you just needed to face up to reality, speaking of which you need to head past to your dorm, it’s late,” Snape scolded.
“Because I always follow the rules,” Harry said sarcastically.
“Potter if you hadn’t been through what you had been through I would take points away,” Snape said as Harry stood.
Harry stretched and walked towards the door. He smiled amiably at Snape.
“I mean it sincerely professor, headmaster, thank you,” Harry said as he left.
Snape sighed as he closed the door behind Harry.
When Harry reached his dormitory he saw Hermione sitting in her customary position, in a plush arm chair by the fireplace that danced merrily. He sank down next to her, making her squirm.
“Oi! It’s only a one person arm chair,” she yelped as she readjusted her position.
“I don’t know what to do Hermione... I don’t know if I’m ready to do this. I just I don’t know how I can move on, leave Hogwarts. I want to live in these walls forever,” Harry whispered closing his eyes to rest his head against the back of the chair.
“You have to loose your safety net sometime Harry,” she said quietly.
“He offered me everything.”
“He would have killed you, he said so himself.”
“Not if I had given in.”
“And just stand by as he destroyed people.”
“I just miss him.”
“Oh Harry,” Hermione said turning so Harry could rest his head against her neck.
“I miss everyone.”
“They’re gone now.”
The corner of his mouth curled upward as a tear slid down his face. Hermione had become an expert at dealing with his random breakdowns. They had confided in each other and she never blamed Harry for anyone’s death. He hadn’t spoken about it for a year and as graduation neared memories crept into his mind. He wrapped his arms around Hermione once again and they clung to each other because to each other they were the only remainders of their past.
The red haired boy looked at him with a curious expression as he inspected the dirty floor. Harry gazed up at him and awe.
“Ron?” he asked quietly as though a single word would break the reverie.
“My best friend let me die,” Ron said looking up at Harry with teary eyes.
“No! I didn’t mean to it wasn’t supposed to happen that way!” Harry was quick to exclaim.
“It’s a pity how I was in amazement of his fame, living in the shadow of it. I thought that at least in death I would be remembered, but instead my name melts into the others that died.”
“Don’t say things like that! Everyone will always remember you. You were amazing Ron! You were a better friend that anyone could have asked for, I just,” Harry tried to finish but Ron cut him off.
“I took him in when he was scared and alone, but he slept with the enemy. He never bothered to save me little insignificant me,” Ron whispered and Harry watched in horror as puddles of blood formed under Ron.
“He doesn’t know what it’s like to be tortured and beaten. He was the golden boy. My best friend never knew what it was like to scream your last breath away never betraying his secrets. I guess you could say my best friend killed me.”
Harry yelled and tried to run forward as Ron’s body crumpled and his body festered. His skin was eaten away and his bones slowly turned to ash. Harry just screamed and screamed.
Harry raised the corner of his mattress.
“Commonstro,” he whispered and he watched as a sleek mahogany box appeared.
He said various unlocking spells before he set the box gently on the bed and unlatched it. A shiver ran through him as he stared at the sight in front of him. A silver knife with inlaid rubies lay within the thick velvety folds of the box. He raised it carefully, and the rubies flickered in the candlelight. It had been his eighteenth birthday present from Draco. He knew he understood what Harry needed.
Harry quickly whispered some silencing spells as he pulled the curtains around his bed. He ran the knife from his wrist to his elbow and he threw his head back in bliss. He has never been tortured but he has learned what pain felt like. ‘This is a thousand times less pain than those who died endured,’ Harry told himself as he fell back against the covers in his heavenly world.
A long red snake wound itself around Harry’s leg and squeezed until he winced.
“It means he likes you,” a sultry voice said from near by. He looked into the shadow to see who sat by the bed and he met the green eyes that still haunted him.
Harry felt sheer panic and he saw the ropes that bound his hands to the headboard.
“Don’t panic, it can’t be any worse than any of my deatheaters did to your friends,” Tom whispered sweetly.
“You bastard,” Harry hissed struggling for his life, onceagain.
“No it’s not about torture or revenge I just what can I say? I miss fucking you,” Tom said as he slid his hands up Harry’s thighs. Harry’s body quivered and he hated himself for it. “I see I still have an affect you kitten,” Tom said smiling with more teeth than were ever supposed to be in a smile.
Hearing those words Harry swear he died.
Harry fell into a sweet trance. He could take this, it was a meditative state. It brought him back to the ground after thoughts of dead friends and his failures. It was just punishment. He closes his eyes for a moment and he’s graced with the lovely sound of silence. He feels hands slide his legs apart and that voice again, whispering in his ear.
“I can fuck you if I want you know that Harry?” Tom taunts, almost slurring the words are he licks a tear that Harry didn’t know he had let loose.
Tom bit him hard, bringing the blood to the surface, marring his body with pretty little bruises that reminded him that Tom would never let him go. He wondered for a moment how he survived without Tom’s bruising touch for even a second. He loved the way Tom overwhelmed him, and made him forget what he was supposed to be thinking.
“My pretty little angel likes to be defaced sometimes doesn’t he?” Tom asked.
Harry’s anger boiled and he retaliated.
“You’re still that little orphan boy, starving for someone to touch you, someone to care, someone to love you,” Harry choked at Tom hit slammed his fist into his jaw.
“Isn’t that it Tom? No one will love you so you have to take me by force! You were never worthy of my love!”
Tom fucked him without mercy, degrading him over and over. He tried to think of better times... his graduation was almost in his reach. He saw his friends smiling faces, and he imagined what Snape would say in his speech. It was so no avail, Tom hit him until Tom was all he could focus on. The red snake that was wound so tightly around his leg seemed bored of the game and he viciously sank his teeth into Harry’s thigh.
Return to Archive | previous