By Libertine


Author's Note

These are *my* favourite lines; there's plenty of other funnier ones in there, I'm sure.  Some of them are only really bloody funny in context - but I had to include them too.  I couldn't be bothered going through RWD, TEG and LIBOW.. as well as HP&I.  My all time favourite line, though, has to be the little excerpt which became the basis of the "Did you just moon the Dark Lord" tag, from TEG - though I also love any place where Narcissa and Lucius are being snide together.  And, of course.. Harry, Ron and Charlie watching Draco being chased around the manor grounds by a sex-crazed dragon..

"The Snitch."

"Dragon Rock."
"Lucius Malfoy and the Gift of Mercy."


audience partici   -   pation.
Rocky Horror Style.  Perfect entertainment for your average orgy.


dedicated much?..
Behind the scenes.

"The Running Jokes."

            Malfoy inbreeding, and disturbed ancestors - marriages to horses, banktellers, et al - and of course, the requisite seven toes.  The Veela-poolman connection.  The 'ouchie' chairs.  Remus - the boy who screamed "Severus".  Sirius' odd choice of underwear.  Harry's lack of a haircut.  Dragon blimps.  Dragonsex!Ron - a running joke and plotbunny which went a little too far.  "Well, that was unexpected."  Variations on "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."  The various over-sexed mirrors.  The mentions of Muggle culture by wizards who -really- shouldn't know about it.  And strange events in the nintendo universe..  Hermione slipping into her dominatrix persona at inopportune times.  Draco being caught in that magic-photo album in all the wrong situations.  Narcissa putting Draco into a skirt when he was six.  Scrabble.

"The fan-Flints - fanon fuck-ups."

"The Quiz."

First person to email me with the correct answers to the quiz will win *gasp* a link for a week on the front page of LHPS - in big letters, thus recieving a heap of diverted site traffic!  And.. a preview of the first four chapters of the next Libertine sequence.. long before anyone else!

Really, guys!  That's a totally cool prize!  It's not lame at all!  <manic giggle>  And you'll get to appear in HP&I!  That's right!  You can make a Mary Sue appearance in the Mary Sue to end all Mary Sues!  Isn't that fucking COOL?

Okay, okay.  It's lame.  But I'm bored and drunk.  Send emails to


tha' fanz, yo.
What you've been telling me.  (And Kissaki.  And Rube.)

"What you thought.."

Character most dissed by fans : #1 Draco.  #2 Ron.
Character most pitied by fans : #1 Remus.  #2 Viktor.  #3 Harry.
Characterisations most liked by fans: #1 Lucius.  #2 Hermione.  #3 Narcissa.  #4 Ron.
Author created character most liked:  Sally.
Couple fans most want to see:  #1 Draco/Ron.  #2 Severus/Remus.  #3 Ron/Sally.
Couple fans least want to see:  #1 Draco/Ron.  (Talk about your mixed messages.)
Character least likely to stay in character:  Harry.  (We're working him back to normality.  Slowly.)
Character most people are talking about at the moment:  #1 Remus.  #2 Sally.
Funniest excerpts (according to you):  #1 The blimp episode (LMGoF).  #2 The 'Draco-procreating' episode (LMGoF).  #3 The 'mooning' episode (TEG).  #4 The trick wand episode. (LIBOW)

"Libertine Life.."

Average amount of fanmail Libertine recieves (and replies to) every day: 3 letters.
Average amount of fanmail Libertine would like to receive: 100 letters.  And chocolates!  And cigarettes!  And drugs!  Mmkay?
Average amount of hits on Libertine's site in the past week: 180 per day.
Rating on the google search engine for the thread 'harry potter slash':  2.
Number of dedicated hp-slashfic authors who have actually read Libertine (and dare to admit it, without being forced into doing so):  2.
Number of people Libertine secretly suspects are major Libertine fans:  Everyone who's read this far.  I.E. YOU.

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