Author's Note: Well, it's official. I wrote a shoujo-ai. Never in my life did I think I would write one of these. X_X Enjoy!


By Razzbairee


That was when she finally gave up and decided to get rid of me. I was a lousy partner. I could have done better, but Lisa had been watching. I was nervous. Whenever I glanced at her, I caught her watching me. But then she would notice and turn away. Most of the time when I looked over at her, I missed the ball and Ayane would yell at me. I guess I didn't care anymore.

"Don't even come looking for me, okay?" Ayane told me while I was still in the sand, "I'm tired of this."

She was really pissed, because she had been looking forward to beating her sister, Kasumi, in a match for some time. Kasumi's partner was the busty, blonde women, Tina. I hated going against her in a match, because she serves and spikes pretty damn hard.

What do you expect? She's burly for a woman.

Tina held her hands out for Kasumi to smack them. She hesitated at first, but did it anyway, making the blonde cheer. I watched from the sand as the both of them pranced over to Lisa who was getting up from her seat in the sand. There were red petals lying around her. Some were falling off her lap, but other stuck to her wet thighs. She was playing in the water with Kasumi and Tina earlier before we, Ayane and I, arrived to start the match. She picked the petals from a flower as she watched us.

The three of them were talking to each other and leaving the beach. I finally decided to pick myself out of the sand. I was on my knees and wiping the sand from my wet stomach when I looked forward and saw Ayane slowly walking off down the private beach with a stick in her hand. She was leaving a line in the sand with the stick.

So that's it then, huh?

I wasn't disappointed. I was getting tired of playing volleyball. Ayane was playing as hard as she could, but not me. Not ever since that incident in the hotel room . . .

I stood up and looked behind me to see Kasumi, Tina, and Lisa down the beach. Tina was in the middle and held their hands tight in hers. She was swinging them side to side and saying things, making them laugh. I heard them from far away. Kasumi's small one, Tina's loud one, and Lisa's delicate one. I remembered when she laughed at me. Not to humiliate me though. It was the night it all began. We were on Nikki Beach, splashing in the water. I was running from her after pushing her down in the water, but I slipped and fell myself. I could hear her muffled laughter from under the water. She had such a nice laugh. The type of laugh that made you want to laugh along. I'd never felt so . . . warm inside with anyone before. Not ever since my childhood.

Lisa . . .

She looked back at me. Her eyes told it all. They were remorseful . . . for me . . . But as soon as my heart jumped, she had turned back around and it sunk once again.

Why do I love her so? Why can't she speak to me? Did she tell that woman, Tina, what happened?

I had a deep hatred for Tina. And the other girls on the island as well. I was the outcast to them. I murder people for a living. I'm a monster. I don't deserve love. I'll just kill it. Tina told Lisa about me, I knew. That was probably why she wouldn't talk to me anymore. I suppose I was jealous of Tina and the rest of the girls though. They had the privilege to speak to and be around Lisa as much as they wanted. I only had her for one night.

But I knew it was eating her inside. The way she looked back at me told it all.

All you have to do is speak to me, Lisa.

I would never have the chance to speak to her with the other girls around.

I sighed. I was frustrated from it all. I just wanted to do nothing for the rest of the day. In other words, wallow in my despair.


I was walking through Nikki Beach. It was around two o'clock I suppose. I stopped to look into the widespread ocean. It was soothing me a bit. The sound of the seagulls, waves, and smell of ocean air. The type of atmosphere that you never want to leave. That's what Zack was hoping, I knew. For us to stay there and look pretty for him everyday that we're there.

And as much I didn't want to be reminded of it, I looked over at that spot by the tree where I was sitting that night. The spot where Lisa had came and sat down beside me. The spot where she took my hand and I had felt an unusual feeling in my chest from her soft touch . . .

I was stretching out my black bathing suit when I heard laughing coming from my right. Just when I was about to turn my head to see who it was, something wet hit the side of my face. I called out in shock and quickly wiped my face of the water. I looked down at a yellow and white volleyball lying in the water. Then there was a gasp. I knew who it was then: the dynamic duo, Leifang and Hitomi. They were always together . . .

"Are you okay, Christie?"

Hitomi had the courage to come up to me and ask unlike the Chinese girl, Leifang. She was far to my right, standing by a palm tree. Hitomi looked as if she were afraid I was going to do something. I would have if I had been myself.

I picked up the ball and shoved it into her chest just to show her I was annoyed. Then I told her to leave when she was about to apologize. I wasn't in the mood to put up with anyone. I just wanted time to myself.

I heard her footsteps in the sand as she left. When I turned to look, she was whispering something to Leifang. The pair had looked back at me one more time before they sprinted off.


I needed time alone. Why was that so hard to achieve? I went off into the jungle behind the beaches to get some concealment. I was sweaty from the hike and from the heat. It was sunny every single day at Zack Island. I was getting tired of it.

I walked until I approached the stream that ran from the waterfall. I crouched down to run my hand through it.

"Hello, Christie."

I froze. I knew that voice. It was so elegant. Yet I hated it.

"What have you been up to lately?"

Helena . . .

I turned to face her. She was laying on a rock near the stream, staring at me with a hand in the water. Despite her pleasant greeting, I could tell she still felt hatred towards me. I didn't blame her. I did try to kill her after all.

There was no expression on Helena's face. Her lips seemed to pout and her eyes seemed to droop.

I stood up, "I was leaving."

I turned around to leave when she spoke up, "Tell me something before you leave."

I stopped.

What could she possibly want to know? Maybe something about her mother . . . I'm not real sure about her death.

"What were you doing with Lisa yesterday night?"

My heart jumped to my throat and my jaw dropped.

She saw us . . . ?

I didn't hear her when she mentioned it again. I was caught up in the thought of someone like her watching us . . . me, making a fool of myself! I was really giddy that night with Lisa. She just seemed to give off that type of aura. I couldn't contain myself!

"You were acting very strange."

That was all I heard after I had calmed myself down. Helena had called my name twice to get my attention. By the tone of her voice I had a feeling that she felt she witnessed a secret I was trying to keep. And she was right.

"What do you want from me?" I asked her in an irritated voice, turning back to look her dead in the eyes.

She didn't have a sinister grin on her face. It was the same as before. It made me wonder what she really wanted.

"Nothing," she replied, turning away from me, "I've just been wondering . . . that whatever triggered you to become the murderer that you are . . . if it never happened, then you could have been a kind and wondrous woman like you were with Lisa yesterday night."

". . ."

What is she getting at?

"How did you witness us?" I asked her.

She bowed her head then spoke. Supposedly, she was going through one of her moments when she missed her mother. She had decided to go out and found us together.

"To be specific, I liked the strange you," she said.

She had placed a hand upon her shoulder and sat like that with her back turned for some time. I had guessed that was it and left her alone in the jungle.


I was wandering off some more. The sun was starting to set behind the mountain, the sky was turning orange, and the wind was dying down. Around this time, Bass Island would be over run with water. No one would be there. So I went there for a swim. That usually cleared my mind when I was feeling down. Out in the widespread ocean, forgetting everything that troubled you. I laid back and floated on the surface, looking up into the sky. The birds were flying above me, calling out as they went. I breathed in the air and closed my eyes as the fresh air cooled my lungs.

"Hey, where are you out here by yourself?"

". . . Huh?"

"As a matter of fact you're always by yourself. Would you like some company?"

"It's late. Shouldn't you be somewhere? Asleep in bed maybe?"


I remembered every bit of that night. She had come to me and wanting time alone, I acted rudely. I was regretting it then as I floated on the surface. She only wanted to get to know me better. To her, I was a lonely individual. I suppose I was. But I didn't need anyone else. Except Lisa . . .

If only I can have the time we spent in the hotel room back . . . I would tell her not to be ashamed of me.

I felt as if I were being watched so I opened my eyes and swam back a bit to see what was near me. There was a shadow in the water and it was coming near me. I watched it closely until I could make out a pair of arms and legs from the small figure. It was one of the girls obviously.

Please don't let her talk to me.

Red, drenched hair had surfaced out of the water. Her hands parted her hair in two, revealing her brown eyes.


I was expecting her to swim away from me, but she stared at me as if she wanted to say something.

"Uh, how are you?" she finally spoke as she fixed her shoulder laces.

"I'm fine," I said back before I started to swim away to achieve some time alone.


I stopped and turned around to look at her. She was swimming to me.

"How is Ayane?" she asked me when she caught up to me.


I told her I didn't know, because she got rid of me. She had looked down at the water when I said it. Then she spoke up after a few seconds.

"I love her, but she hates me . . . If only I could go back in time and spend every single day with her . . ."

I know what you mean . . .

"Why am I speaking to you about my problems?" she looked up into my eyes, before she started to swim away, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you."

Then she literally disappeared into the wind.

I'm not the only one who's in despair, huh?

I was on an island. I was suppose to be having a good time. But I wasn't. I didn't want to stay out in Bass Island anymore after that. I felt like I was being watched. So I left.


I was walking out of the water and wiping my hair back to get it out of my face when I ran into the blonde. She had her hands on her hips and her head was tilted to the side with a frown on her face. Like a mother scowling her child.

What did I do?!

"Hey, have you seen Kasumi and Lisa? I've been looking for 'em, but I can't find 'em," she told me.

What? They abandoned you?

"Kasumi was out there in Bass Island, but she left," I replied, "I think she wants time alone."

I was pretty sure Kasumi wasn't in the mood for Tina. I just hoped she understood what I meant by 'time alone.' And I wondered where Lisa went. I got butterflies in my stomach at the thought of finding her before Tina did. I would finally get to talk to her.

She has to be thinking of me . . . Or in the casino . . .

All the blonde said was 'oh' then she looked away. I thought she had more to say, but I supposed not, because a few seconds passed in silence. So I got further out of the water and started to head to the poolside.

"Hey, Christie!"

I stopped.

"Never mind."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I had thought she was going to say something about Lisa, but she didn't. Although I had a feeling she wanted to. She must have noticed how she wasn't herself all day. But what would I know about Lisa's emotions? I'm always by myself after all.


I laid my head down on the table and shifted the juice around in my glass. There were little, white specks of stars above the poolside in the sky. It was growing towards nighttime. I was surprised the poolside was empty. I was expecting at least Hitomi or Leifang to be there. But with my luck, someone would come soon. And I was right. Just then I heard footsteps coming up the stairs into the poolside from behind me. I sighed in frustration.

If I have to speak to somebody else . . .

But whoever it was, they didn't say anything. I heard the water splash a bit. That was it.

Wow, someone who doesn't have the urge to open their mouth? . . . Lisa?

My chest swelled and I couldn't breathe. But it died down when I realized that Lisa wouldn't have stayed there long unless she wanted to talk to me. I picked my head up as slowly as I could.

It may not be her, Christie.

There was only one way to find out. I turned my head slightly to the side and looked behind me.

Purple . . .

It was Ayane's hair. No mistake about it. I realized I hadn't seen her all day surprisingly. I ran into everyone except her and Lisa. But I wondered why she didn't leave. She did hate me for losing the match after all.

I looked back entirely at her to see what she was doing. She was crouching down and running her hand through the water, but she stopped that and turned to look at me with an empty expression on her face. I turned back around to show that I didn't care for what she was doing. Why should I? She left me after all.

She was making her way towards me, I could hear her. She sat down in the chair across from me and placed her elbows on the tabletop. She obviously wanted my attention so I looked up at her.

Maybe she wants to apologize.

I held my grin in as she spoke, "I challenged Kasumi and Tina to another match today."

What? You want to team up?

"So?" I said back.

I turned my head to sip my juice and I caught sight of her disappointed look. She told me how no one else would team up with her. Hitomi and Leifang were stuck together, she was never in her life going to team up with Helena, and she couldn't find Lisa.

Where is that woman? Hiding in her secret place?

I found it unusual for a ninja like Ayane to fail in finding someone. They were suppose to specialize in that, weren't they?

Well, I was pretty sure beating her sister, Kasumi, in a match was important to her. And I was ruining that for her. And enjoying it . . .

"Christie, could you, please?" Ayane begged me.

I turned my head away from her to tell her 'no.' She angrily got up from the chair and stormed off. But she stopped, looked back at me, and told me that it was my fault we lost the match that afternoon. She was right.

What would Lisa think of you?

She would think I was cruel for not forgiving Ayane. So I called Ayane back and told that I would team up with her. Then she told me that tomorrow morning we would play and we would win. She was overconfident. What if I wasn't in the mood again tomorrow morning?

As she left I sighed, laid my head back down, and closed my eyes. I had a feeling I wasn't going to have a chance to see Lisa again for a while.

Why can't I get her out of my head?

Who would have thought I would fall in love with a woman? And she would love me back . . . Unless it was a mistake.

She had taken my hand in hers and led me out of the beach towards the hotel that night. She took me into her hotel room and told me to make myself at home. I had sat down on her bed when she came back and asked me if I wanted anything to drink. I told her 'no' so she sat down next to me. And we talked. She talked the most. I listened. Then it began. She took my hand and the next thing I knew, the lights were out and she had taken me down onto the bed alongside her. She was real close to me. I could feel her breaths against my face. I had muttered something, but I can't remember what it was. She had placed her thumb upon my lips after I spoke, massaging them before she pressed her lips onto them. My heart jumped to my throat. A woman was kissing me! But instead of pushing her away, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close to me. She grabbed my breast, making me gasp in surprise. And she forced her leg between mine. I grabbed her thigh and pulled her closer to me, squeezing her leg between my thighs. It was a sensational feeling . . .

So you're a lesbian now, huh? Ah, I don't care.

The wind blew my moist hair across my face and neck. The wind carried the smell of flowers. Lisa loved flowers, I knew . . .

I suppose I should head back to the hotel.

I opened eyes and started to get out of my chair when someone on the beach caught my attention. A red bikini with black laces, short, brown hair with a red flower, and that brown skin.

Lisa . . .

I had finally found her. But it was more like she found me. All I had to do was stay put and she would show up. She was picking a branch off of a bush when I caught sight of her depressed face. She had to be thinking of me. How could she not be?

She turned the opposite direction and walked off down the beach with the branch in hand. I had to catch up with her. I had to speak to her again before someone like Tina found her. I jumped out of my seat, ran down the steps and into the beach. I didn't want to surprise her so I slowed down to a walk. My heart was beating quickly at how close I was to her. I was only a few feet away and she didn't seem to notice me. I almost choked as I said her name. She stopped and held the branch with both hands, messing with the leaves. Then turned to face me. My heart sunk at the look of her face. Her eyes seemed as if they would pour any minute.

"I've been looking for you," I told her, "Why are you avoiding me?"

Her head fell down along with her arms, dropping the branch.

"Christie, forget last night," she said, looking up, "It wasn't suppose to happen."

"What do you mean it wasn't suppose to happen? You came to me."

"And that was my mistake."

Mistake? So it was a mistake . . .

I couldn't breathe. I was getting all choked up. I looked down, not wanting her to see how much she was hurting me inside.

Don't cry, you sissy.

"You never told what you did."

What I did?

"You never told me you killed people."

Is that why she's avoiding me?

Tina or the other girls told her, I knew. It was so obvious. Who else would? I became a monster to her. How could she love someone like me? I go out into the night and spill blood, sometimes enjoying it. My hands breathed slaughter and that night, I touched her with them.

"Lisa," I began to say.

She was still standing there, waiting for me to respond.

What should I say?

"I'm sorry. I-"

"I guess I should have expected that though. You were always by yourself, but I had to be nice and speak to you like a big, dumb idiot."

Oh, god, why do you have to be ashamed of me?

I stood there in silence. I was speechless. Speaking to her was harder than I thought. Just when I thought I actually loved someone, they stab me in a place in my heart that I never knew I had until that night.

"Like I said before, Christie, just forget it ever happen. I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't myself."

"Neither was I."

I looked her dead in her eyes. It was hard for her; I could see it in her brown eyes. She seemed as if she wanted to cry. She pried her eyes from mine and shifted around on her feet.

Just forget what they said and I'll let you cry on my shoulder.

She placed a hand over her mouth and then laughed quietly to herself.

"Christie, I am not a lesbian," she told me, finally looking up.

A tear had run down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away.

"You're just making it harder for me to forget this . . . Yesterday night was the biggest misunderstanding of my life."

Another stab at that place in my heart.

Lisa looked down again, not wanting to meet my gaze. Letting her talk, was getting me nowhere. I would never have her if I let her speak more.

"I'll change just for you, Lisa," I said, getting closer to her, "I promise."

If that's what you want . . .

She froze as I outstretched my arms. If all she said was a lie then she would fall into them and accept my promise.

You can't possibly be changing your ways for her! What about Donovan?!

And she did. It happened so fast. I wrapped my arms around her and laid my head against hers. She wrapped an arm around my neck, placed a hand on my shoulder, and squeezed. I breathed fluently, feeling her stiff breast push against mine and the skin of her smooth legs against my own. She breathed on the back off my neck in short breaths. She was either nervous or excited. Deep down, I knew she would take me back. She meant every last bit of it when she kissed and touched me in that hotel room. And I meant it, too.

I reached up, took her hand from my shoulder, and intertwined our fingers. That was when she turned her head and placed her warm lips against my neck. Her flower fell out of her head. I watched as it fluttered down towards the sand, but was carried off into the wind.


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