Authors notes: Well. This is a first of a kind for me. How rare. Don’t own, otherwise I would claim Hayabusa as my own. Good looking guy he is. Tried to make this very angsty, think it only qualifies as angsty though. Mild lemon. Hope you enjoy all the same!
A Waking Dream
By Crimson Heart
He glanced across warily at his friend, who seemed to be half comatose, almost robotically drinking the glass of alcohol before signalling for another. He couldn’t help but be concerned, especially with the numerous amount of glasses littering the bar’s bench. Another point he had to remember was that his friend was not a drinker. Previously, he had assumed that Ryu never drank. Obviously, that was one point proved incorrect. His internal musings were only confirmed further as another drink slid down the bench to the already intoxicated shinobi. He sighed. Enough was enough.
“Ryu, don’t you think that you had better slow down on the alcohol? You’re going to be dead tomorrow,” he gently prised the glass from his friend’s fingers. What he got instead of the anger or nonchalance he was expecting, was a distressed expression. Don’t tell me he’s a melancholy drinker. That’s all I need to know. Wounded emerald eyes met his gaze, and he sighed loudly enough for half the bar to hear. Damn. Why, oh why? Why does my best friend have to go all quiet and depressed when he drinks? Oh, indeed? He ran a hand through his golden brown hair, eyeing his friend again.
Ryu didn’t look good. Dishevelled hair was tied back as it always was, but hung limply, devoid of usual body. Lacklustre eyes focused on the glass in front of him, while his hand shook slightly as he lifted the glass to his lips. His skin was unusually pale, accentuating the gauntness of his face and only confirming the fact he had previously suspected, that he hadn’t eaten properly in days. Sure, they were friends. But some things didn’t come easily. Staying in this horrible bar, watching his friend become slowly more and more drugged on alcohol, was just one of those things. Before he could say anything of the effect of ‘let’s get out of here before I kick your rear from here to the end of the street’, Ryu spoke, in a soft voice, lacking his usual enthusiasm.
“You know, all those years ago when I had to leave, I was so scared. I missed Hayate more then I could say. But he never returned. He simply vanished without a trace, and his sister forfeited her freedom and respect in the clan to go after him. When I saw him again, it was heart-wrenching. He didn’t know who any of us were. It was as if I was talking to a different person,”
“Ryu, I’m here,”
His voice was gentle yet firm, but his friend seemed to take no notice of it whatsoever. “Even though I defeated him eventually, it made me sick with guilt. That I had even meant to hurt him. I remember after defeating the Tengu, that somehow I acquired a massive fever. Almost as if the guilt transferred into my health somehow,”
He had wondered about that, mentally. Why Ryu had suddenly disappeared without a trace directly after the second tournament. Now he had an answer. Ryu, however, wasn’t finished yet.
“Even when he remembered who he was, who we were, it wasn’t the same. He wasn’t the same. He had forgotten everything that we shared. And it makes me feel so guilty now. Because, even though he doesn’t feel the same way any longer, I-”
The story was suddenly truncated as he slowly realised. He… he loves me? But why don’t I remember any of this? How long ago did this happen? Ryu dropped his head into his hands, downcast. “He would never care. All he cares about now is his clan. I can hear his words now. ‘Oh, Ryu, you’re such a fool. Why would I care about some petty desire you have?’ Then he would give me that demeaning stare and walk off. And everything would be for naught,”
He felt a pang of guilt, realising that that was probably what he would indeed say. “Everything in which respect?” he asked, having an inner feeling that his asking questions would be futile.
He was pleasantly surprised, until he got the full response. “Everything. Nothing would have a point to it. After all, what life is left after unrequited love?”
Always the romantic. Another twinge of guilt surged through him. Why couldn’t he remember this? I thought that my memory had completely come back. So was I wrong all this time? Or is he just leading me for a fool? He is drunk…
“He’ll hate me if I tell him this,” Ryu’s eyes were expressing every emotion. Confusion, anger to some extent, but mostly guilt and despair. They were burdened with despair. “He would never tolerate it. But he did so long ago. Have so many things truly changed since then?”
There was anger there. Anger that his friend felt so poorly of him to be able to describe his reaction in such a demeaning manner. But then again. He’s just saying how I would react. And that isn’t his fault. There was anger, somewhere. But mostly veiled by the thick cloud of guilt.
Ryu took a shaky sip of whatever was in the latest glass. “It was supposed to be a happy ending for the both of us,” he placed the glass down, and shut his eyes, leaning his head against the wooden bench. “But how can it be if he doesn’t even remember the times we shared?”
He suddenly, desperately, wanted to find out what it was like, ‘back then’. What they did share. Also, a feeling previously earthed, and lain dormant for many months since his memory had returned was resurfacing. Also known to most as lust. He took his friend’s arm. “Come on, Ryu, you’ve drunk enough. What about we go back to the hotel and you tell me more about the times we- you shared with… with Hayate?”
In slow, unsteady movements, his friend compiled, obediently placing the now empty glass back on the counter. He shoved his hand into his pocket, dropping a few notes onto the bench, before gently leading Ryu outside. The icy cold blast of air hit them both like a blow, probably Ryu more so because of the effects of the alcohol. His friend stumbled, and if he hadn’t reacted soon enough, they would both have been on the ground. As was, he managed to grab Ryu, saving him from an uncomfortable fate on the icy path.
Odd. Usually he’s so scarily coordinated. It’s so weird seeing him like this. But… it’s interesting, too. Another side to him. One I’ve never seen before.
He didn’t know why that odd feeling had resurfaced. Yes, he had been attracted to Ryu once upon a time since his memory had returned. But his friend was so… cool. He had never assumed that anything else had gone on, and was now getting extremely annoyed that he couldn’t remember the facts. So why had this sudden lust flared up?
Lust, not love. Lust means nothing, he tried to tell himself. But he couldn’t convince himself. Just a little kiss. After all, it isn’t as though he’ll remember it in the morning. Just one. When we get back to the hotel room, of course…
He had opted for them to take the lift, after accepting the fact that Ryu probably wouldn’t make it up the stairs. As it was, the minute he opened the door the shinobi flopped onto the bed, completely exhausted. He shut the door and carefully locked it, before sitting on his bed.
It was a rather big hotel room, made for a family rather then two people. It consisted of two single beds, one of which Ryu was currently draped over, and a double bed sat unused and unneeded in the far corner.
Although, perhaps not unneeded…
The night had long since settled in. The full moon was clearly visible outside the window, emitting rays of light through the glass. He shut golden brown eyes against it, lost in thought.
Should I? I know that I have felt this way for a while, now, but then again, to take advantage of him while he’s inebriated… is that truly fair? The thought stayed for a while, before it was replaced with another. He’s drunk. He won’t remember a thing in the morning. For all accounts, it may as well have not occurred. Another thought. Is that right? What if he doesn’t want it? And another. Of course he wants it. He said that he loved you, did he not? What else could he want?
Was he asleep? He glanced over. No, he was awake, if only just. That made his decision for him.
“Ryu,” he spoke firmly, and was surprised to get a reaction. He jumped easily off the bed, walking the few steps over to the bed his friend was lying on, before getting on it, lying next to him. “So. Tell me more about you and Hayate in the past,”
“Hayate…?” Ryu sounded wistful, almost like a child whose favourite toy was just out of reach, yet still clung to the hopeful notion that it could be retrieved. “He’s… he’s beautiful. When we were younger, we met, and… it just happened. But I knew it was the right thing,”
Before he could register his own actions, he had rolled over onto his stomach, hands lazily trailing down his friend’s fit chest. “And?”
“Every time we kissed…” his friend paused. “It was magical, completely magical. I hadn’t believed in love until I met him,”
Other then the fact that Ryu was talking about him as though he wasn’t there, there was really no way to deduce the seemingly random ramble to over-drinking. No slurring the words, nothing. He and I… I never knew. Well, I must have known then. But now… it can be new.
“But now…” a pained expression flitted across his friend’s features. “We can never be. He would never love me. Not like this. I was hoping to forget, but this…” he gestured weakly at nothing. “…drinking seems to have made it ten times worse,”
Ryu rolled over, burying his head in the pillow. It took a while for Hayate to coax him out. After he finally managed to do so, he pulled the shinobi into a warm embrace.
“Shh, it’s okay. Don’t cry,” he whispered softly. There was no noise, but it was all too apparent as to the nature of the wetness against his cheek. “I love you, Ryu,”
The words hadn’t meant to come out, but they felt so right when they did. They rolled off his tongue, as though he had rehearsed them a thousand times. Emerald eyes rose so they were visible, slowly widening in disbelief as he watched.
“…Hayate, is that you?”
So, the realisation has finally been comprehended? He mused mentally. “Yes, it is… now,” he said simply, further ascertaining the point with a gentle kiss to the lips.
His friend’s lips tasted pure and untainted. As though nothing unclean had ever even thought to go past his lips. The taste was utterly delicious, and so he went back for more, ignoring the sounds of what could have been protest that his actions received. One of his hands reached up, pulling out the hindering hair-tie and gently fondling his friend’s auburn locks, while the other hand drifted lower, exploring what could only be described as new territory.
“Oh, Hayate…” to his surprise, instead of the pleasure he had been expecting, Ryu was looking increasingly distressed. “Please, don’t do this…”
“Why not? You told me so many times that this was what you wanted…” he drifted off enticingly. Ryu shook his head, an agonised expression on his face.
“You can’t mean this. The day after, there will be nothing,”
“The day after, there will be everything. Especially for you. You’re going to have one killer of a hangover,” Before Ryu could protest, he kissed him again, this time sliding his tongue into his friend’s, now probably his lover’s, mouth.
Again, that delicious, untainted taste. It made everything seem ten times more vivid, and made him want more. He trailed his hands over Ryu’s chest once more, before his hands moved to the loose cotton pants saving his friend’s dignity. With one swift movement, they were down at his ankles, as he proceeded to remove his own pants. Soon enough, they were completely naked, Ryu staring uncertainly at him.
“What are you doing?”
He resisted the urge to groan aloud. I strip him and he asks what I’m doing? Ignoring the impulse to make a brash and sarcastic comment, he decided to disregard the entire statement, instead turning his interest to the new territory his hands had enjoyed discovering minutes earlier.
An audible gasp elicited from his friend’s mouth with the action, gasp of pleasure or pain he couldn’t tell. Ignoring that as well, he decided to continue, when, to his surprise, two strong arms wrapped around his torso.
“I love you, Hayate. For so long… I’ve never been able to tell you since you lost your memory. It was never the same. Never, until now,”
With that husky statement, a hand gently played with his hair, as Ryu leant over, this time initiating the kiss. He couldn’t stop an exclamation of his own pleasure exiting his mouth as his fellow shinobi’s hands trailed lower, causing a wave of undeniable pleasure to crash over him.
A sudden shudder racked his body as his friend lent forward, gently kissing his chest. I never would have imagined that… all those years ago, when we met, that we would have ended up doing… this… I wish that I could remember.
He could feel himself becoming more provoked and more adventurous by his friend’s eventual reciprocation, even more obvious by the contact of his growing erection brushing against the inside of his leg, and the growing amount of perspiration beading on his forehead. With a glance, he could tell that his friend was enjoying himself as well. He looked down at his friend, eyes shining with lust.
His hands went down to their previous ‘plaything’, and his friend shuddered at the sudden contact. Then, Ryu startled fondling him lower down, and the next thing he knew, his friend had managed to… ingest… something which personally, he wouldn’t have found too appetising, but then again, his friend was drunk. Ah, the results of passion. He could feel the sticky wetness over his body, and the gentle touches from his friend down there as he prepared for what was going to come.
As soon as said body part was out of previously mentioned mouth, the real passion began.
“Oh, Ryu…” he managed to whisper as they entwined on the bed, he almost drowning in the waves of pleasure which were threatening to consume him. He could now feel every single little movement Ryu made, although nearly obscured by a sudden, fiery hot pain. It made him gasp aloud, digging his hands into his friend’s arms. The pain was growing, growing, he didn’t know if he could stand it much longer…
Suddenly, the pain disappeared. Replaced with pure, untainted pleasure. He could barely register if Ryu was feeling the same way, simply because he couldn’t see a thing. Everything was meaningless compared to the pleasure he was feeling. His eyes were rolling back into his head, his thought streams repeatedly broken, as he dimly registered something happening down there somewhere, but it was soon unimportant as the pleasure slowly consumed him.
Slowly, slowly at first. Then faster. Faster, and more powerful…
Was that his voice? Or Ryu’s? He didn’t know, he couldn’t recognise the moans of pleasure and gasps as either of theirs. Odd, that.
He couldn’t stand it any longer; the pleasure was taking over him, waves and waves of nothing but pure pleasure, almost painful in their blessing, nothing else but pleasure, bliss and Ryu…
A sudden explosion as they reached climax point. He sagged back, still swimming in a river of bliss. Still pleasurable, but more bearable at this stage. The feeling of ecstasy slowly began to ebb away, leaving him with a detached sense of contentment. As though it wasn’t happening to him. Not really. Someone else over there, perhaps.
They stayed in each other’s arms until the pleasure dulled. But still there. He had a feeling that it would always be there. Perhaps not in the same way. But always there.
“Ryu…” Yes, his voice still sounded strangely alien to him. He felt sudden movement as Ryu slowly and sluggishly disentangled from him, pulling away. “Thankyou,”
“Any time. I think I’m going to…” the musing was interrupted as a sudden dry retch startled him into reality. Whether they had been having fun or not, Ryu was still drunk. He heaved himself off the bed, pulling on a pair of pants. His movements were slower then usual, almost as if he himself was inebriated on the pleasure he had been feeling moments before.
Ryu just made it to the sink before the combined effects of drinking too much and ingesting too much… yeah, just leave that there, Hayate, he told himself, trying to ignore the sound of the effects of the fateful combination.
“Urgh…” Ryu had staggered out of the bathroom, towel around waist, wiping his brow. His hair was down, flowing over his shoulders and down his back, longer then ever. The auburn was shining in the light, a beautiful sight to see. “Remind me to never drink again…”
“Never drink again,” he mocked, pulling on a shirt. “You look terrible,”
There was a pause, before Ryu suddenly sat down heavily on the double bed. He didn’t know what to expect, but as he sat next to his friend and saw the shimmering of tears, he knew that he hadn’t been expecting that.
“So, I expect you hate me now. I can barely remember what I said back at the bar. I’m assuming it was something stupid, something stupid enough for you to detest me for it. And you’re going to storm off the way you always do, while I sit here and wonder,”
“Wonder what?” he asked, half dreading the answer.
“What?” Ryu smiled bitterly. “What’s the point of anything? Do you remember nothing of the time we shared as teenagers? Is all that lost? Are such precious memories so easy to lose? Or am I just missing something in the indefinable equation of love? You don’t understand how much your harshness scalds, Hayate, but I don’t expect you to. After all, you have more important things on your mind then nursing my ego, do you not?”
There he goes again, being so damn poetic… he sighed loudly, ignoring the ‘look’ he got for it. He really is a romantic. I didn’t think they existed. “You make me sound like a cruel and callous monster. Is that the way I am to you?”
“No, I-” The sudden truncation of the words made him look up from his hands to see Ryu burying his head in his own hands. “I don’t know. I…” His friend’s erratic movement caused the towel to become loose and was saved just in time by Ryu’s hands reaching and grabbing it before he could betray his modesty (or what was left of it). “Don’t worry. I’m just saying foolish things because I’m inebriated and don’t know what I’m saying,”
“Tell me. What’s bothering you? It isn’t like you to just go and get drunk for the sake of getting drunk, so what’s wrong? Something must be up,”
He gently massaged his friend’s back. Doing so enabled him to easily feel the shivers that were wracking his friend’s lithe but increasingly thin body. He stopped in the process, and Ryu immediately hugged his arms around his chest.
“Please,” He lectured teasingly before beginning to massage, this time his friend’s shoulders, which were rather tense. Ryu relaxed again, allowing his arms to drop by his sides.
“I was just getting fed up with… everything. Not having a goal in life is such a big thing for me. And he- you and not remembering, it was just all getting too much to handle. You hear all those stories about how people get so foolishly inebriated to drown their sorrows. So I decided to try it. I mean, what else did I have to lose? But…” Ryu paused, taking a deep breath. “Everything seems so much worse, so much bigger now then it was before…”
“That’s why you shouldn’t drink,” he gently reprimanded. “Now you’re going to feel ten times worse then before. At least. And you’ll regret it sorely tomorrow,”
With a gentle sigh, Ryu lay down on his back on the bed, hands behind his head. “You’re probably right. As always,”
He really doesn’t think much of me, does he? He thought with a degree of consternation. Out loud, he said something else, keeping his thoughts to himself. “Your choice, not mine. You be a fool, you regret it tomorrow. You don’t need me to mother you,”
There was silence for a moment, before he glanced up at his friend to see emerald green eyes staring across at him brimming with unshed tears. He sighed loudly. “Okay. What the hell is going on? There has to be more to this then you can’t hold your alcohol,”
A pause. “I… I’m worried,” his friend admittedly finally. “That this will just disappear like a waking dream and in the morning everything will be the same as it was before. You don’t remember back then. I can see it in your eyes. What if tomorrow never comes?”
“Help me remember!” he exclaimed, frustrated. Ryu shook his head sadly as he stood up, a half-smile gracing his lips, a rare occurrence.
“You will remember all when the time is right. Why not rest now? You must be exhausted,”
“Actually… now that you mention it…” Now that he thought about it, he was exhausted. “Alright. Come here and let’s go to sleep, then,”
Ryu shook his head. “No. Hardly a good ending to a somewhat romantic evening, me regurgitating alcohol all over you,”
“Good point,” he yawned. “Okay. You’ve made me tired. Goodnight,”
“Goodnight,” Ryu’s voice was soft, oddly finalising as the light flickered off, bathing them in darkness. “I love you, Hayate. Always. Even if tomorrow never comes,”
The sun streamed in through the windows before he awoke fully. Sitting up and raising his head to the warm sun, he got up slowly.
I love you, Hayate. Always.
You will remember when the time is right…
Even if tomorrow never comes…
Why didn’t I realise sooner? Now, it’s too late. Now, I’ll never know…
Even as he dropped to his knees beside the still figure, it was obvious that there was nothing he could do. Nothing at all, except slip into a hollow nothingness. A world devoid of pain, emotion. The world which Ryu had finally succeeded to find.
“You bastard,” he whispered, clutching the limp body to his chest as painful sobs wracked him.
Glancing down at his friend, so peaceful, he could almost hear his voice once more.
This will just disappear like a waking dream…
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